Chapter 18 #2
“Yes_Ma’am has been inactive,” Lisa said. “So, I think for now we leave her in the group, and if she acts out again, we remove her. But if Daddy Vic tells you she has an issue with her, then she gets tossed instantly.”
“I agree.” Jessica was feeling much calmer now that she had a friend to talk things over with.
“And you may be on a dry spell, right now,” Lisa said, “but I don’t get thirsty vibes from you at all.”
“Good.”
“Have a few more messaging conversations with her, Jessica,” Rachel said in the background. “Watch for those red flags and trust your gut before deciding to share your phone number.”
“Do you two know something I don’t know?” All this talk about red flags. It had never come up before.
“We always want our people to be safe,” Rachel said. “And listen, you can always block her number or even change yours if it goes sideways.”
“True, true, Ma’am,” Jessica said. “I haven’t felt any red flags. Only green ones. And I think she’s genuine in her contrition.”
Lisa laughed. “English teachers and their big words. I think I’ll use that one in my next Murial story. I’ll call it ‘Murial’s Contrition.’ I’ve started a new story, by the way. And, hun, I think you should be cautious and not give her your real name. Use your initials or something.”
“Good ideas,” Jessica said. “Tell me more about Murial’s new mishaps.”
And from there, the conversation took on a less urgent tone. Jessica excused herself after a while and sat down for dinner, wriggling a piece of string to entertain Misty. She’d been neglecting her little furball recently and felt bad about it.
She reopened the Kinks app.
Daddy Vic: Fantastic news about the project.
Do you work at a school? I used to work security in an elementary school, a couple of them, actually.
I loved the kids and the work. I’d like to get back to that.
And thanks for taking a chance on me, JB.
What kind of pub? Share what you feel comfortable sharing.
I’m not digging for info. I’m just interested in you.
“Oh? Is that right? She’s interested in me?” Jessica said out loud to the cat. “She didn’t mean it that way, Misty. Did she?” She shook her head. “No, no. I will not be thirsty.”
Jessica sent a message back, giving her a brief summary of the literary magazine project and the deadlines she’d set for herself.
Juicy_Babe: So I’ve never done a lit magazine before, but I’m actually excited for it now.
Daddy Vic: You’re owning it, instead of merely doing it for someone else.
Oh, wow. Epiphany…I think I need to come to terms with my shit for myself and not for anyone else.
I mean, I truly was sorry, but my initial apologies to B weren’t entirely from my heart.
Everyone expected it, but I hadn’t yet fully processed it all.
I need to…I don’t actually know what I need.
Juicy_Babe: Daddy Cheese needs to forgive herself.
The return message didn’t come right away, but Jessica didn’t get angsty.
She simply put the phone down on the couch and opened up her school laptop.
She found a nice template to make a flyer announcing the lit magazine and began filling it in with details and deadlines for student submissions of short literary pieces and artwork.
She’d send it over to KC later, who would critique it and add her thoughts.
“Clear and manageable deadlines,” KC had advised while they sat on the bleachers.
A message popped up on her phone. Oh, shit. Daddy Vic had sent her phone number and a message to call if she felt safe doing so.
Jessica didn’t hesitate. She tapped in the digits.
“Hi,” came the gentle voice. “Juicy_Babe?”
“Yeah,” Jessica said. “You can call me JB, okay?”
“JB for Juicy_Babe?” Daddy_Vic asked.
“Yes, but those also happen to be my real initials.”
“Clever,” Daddy Vic said. “I’m Victoria or Vic. Either is fine. Thanks for taking my call. Or, should I say, thanks for calling me.”
Ahh, she was nervous. Jessica admitted to herself that she was, too.
“I love finally getting to hear your voice,” Jessica said, and then almost choked. Okay, how freaking forward was that? Thirsty much? Jee-suz. She covered it by adding, “How are you feeling? I can’t imagine what being tased is like. There’s, like, no permanent damage, is there?”
“It’s so nice to hear your voice, too, actually,” Victoria said.
“I’m okay today. Tasing seizes up all your muscles, so I’m a bit sore, especially in the leg that took the direct hit.
But I’m fine. Thanks for asking. And thank you for listening to my sob story and letting me talk it out with you.
Not many would have the patience, and I’m kind of new to all this. ”
“New to sharing your feelings?”
Victoria chuckled. “Yeah.”
“I’m a good listener.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind my meanderings in all of this?”
“I don’t mind at all,” Jessica said truthfully. “I’m glad you trusted me.”
“I don’t typically lean on people,” Victoria said.
“Leaning on people isn’t a sign of weakness,” Jessica said and added, “It’s a sign of drunkenness.”
Victoria’s laughter burst into the phone. It was one of the best sounds Jessica had heard in a long time.
“You’re facing your actions,” Jessica continued. “That’s incredibly brave. And if you’re afraid, that’s normal. Feel the fear, Victoria.” Oh, how good it felt to say her name. “The only way through it is through it.”
“I bet you’re one of those teachers who actually listens to the kids, aren’t you? High school teacher?”
“I try to, and yes, high school.”
“Tell me more about this Clit magazine of yours,” Victoria said, clearly holding back laughter.
Jessica chuckled. “Now that would be an interesting mag. Just not very appropriate for school, I imagine.”
“Guess not.”
Jessica knew that Victoria was stalling a bit by asking about her project, but that was okay. Jessica had students who would get her off topic, but what they soon realized was that she always steered things back to the original lesson.
After giving Victoria a few more details about the lit magazine project, she said, “So, I’m going to be blunt. Why didn’t you ask this B if she was into lactation?”
Victoria’s sigh came through loud and clear over the phone, but Jessica waited.
“I think I got so full of myself that I didn’t understand that my actions had consequences,” Victoria admitted. “I was above all that. I was a God. Actually, I never thought that, but damn, women gave me a lot of attention, and it went to my head. I guess. I think. I don’t really know.”
“Did you feel like you were beyond reproach? Like you were the Dommely Domme and B was just a submissive?”
“Beyond reproach, maybe,” Victoria said. “But I never once thought B was ‘just a submissive.’ I revere the women in my care. But, you’re right, I may not have treated us as equals. What an ass I am. Oh, my God.”
It sounded like Victoria was having another epiphany, so Jessica remained quiet.
“And,” Victoria continued, “at the time I didn’t realize how green she was.
How new. I typically play with experienced subs, you know?
Subs that know their way around a scene.
I expected B to use her safe words or tell me she didn’t like something.
That was so stupid on my part. My assumption made an ass out of only me. ”
“Million-dollar question coming up,” Jessica said. “So, you didn’t ask B if she was into lactation. But why didn’t you tell her that you were?”
“I don’t know,” Victoria said.
“How long have you had this fetish?”
“I’m not sure it’s a fetish, just a new kink I’d read about and wanted to try.
I was kind of obsessing over it in my head, actually.
And I guess maybe I was embarrassed about it.
” Victoria stayed quiet for a moment and then added.
“I think that was it, JB. I was, and still am, embarrassed over having a kink like that.”
“Ahh, that’s a popular kink, actually,” Jessica said. “And I’m hoping your people aren’t into kink shaming, because that’s kind of not cool.”
“No, they’re not, but thanks for that reassurance.”
“So now you understand a bit more about why you didn’t tell her what was in those supplement packets.”
“Yeah,” Victoria said. “That wasn’t fair to her. How am I going to convey all this to her?”
“Well, you could tell her all these things you just told me.”
“What if she doesn’t believe anything I say? Or, worse, what if she won’t talk to me?”
“If she won’t talk to you, there’s nothing more you can do. You’re making peace with yourself, and that will have to be good enough, right?”
“I guess.”
“And if she doesn’t believe you?” Jessica said. “That’s something else entirely. But I believe you, Victoria.” Jessica laughed. “I feel like I want to call you Vic now.”
“Go for it. It’s fine. A lot of people do.”
“Okay,” Jessica smiled, hoping Vic could hear it on her end. “As you’re telling me all this, you sound sincere. And something I learned at some point is that we often lie to ourselves for self-preservation. You know? Like you didn’t allow yourself to see what you were doing to this B person.”
“Hmm,” Vic said. Jessica had obviously hit home on something. “Are you sure you’re not a counselor or something?”
“Teaching is part counseling, I’ve discovered,” Jessica said. “So, maybe you could figure out what the lie is that you kept hidden. It could simply be the embarrassment over the new kink. Or it could stem all the way back to childhood.”
“Oh, God, we’re not going there,” Vic said. “My mom left my dad and me when I was ten. My dad tried to help me, but, you know, that huge rejection from my own mother is still…”
Jessica sat bolt upright. Victoria was crying. “Oh, hun, I’m so sorry I brought that up.”