Chapter 6
six
. . .
Twelve hours later, I was back and ready to get my ducks in a row.
My first stop was my sister’s place. I brought over croissants and coffee, hoping she wasn’t still holding on to me missing our date.
When I walked in, she didn’t even give me a hug, just took the bag and coffee from me, immediately sipping on it.
“So, little sister, are you still running up behind some rapper?”
“He’s not a rapper, Naomi, he’s a producer.”
“Same thing. You shouldn’t have come home. I bet there’s all kinds of half-naked women in and out of the studio. Doing whatever they can to make an impression on him.”
“You think so?” I questioned her. Up until that very moment, I’d felt special. Like he chose me in a crowd full of models. But Naomi planted the seed of doubt in my head, which had me questioning him and looking at her sideways.
“Isn’t that how you got his attention? Wearing next to nothing when he first met you?”
“Oh, girl please!” I waved, brushing her off.
Naomi could be so negative at times. I had enough going on and wasn’t going to let her ruin it.
“Listen, I came by to get some sister time in. I’m heading back out of town in a couple of days.
Just wanted to see if you needed anything before I did, so I’m not sure when I’ll be back. ”
“Naw, you go ahead. Do you. Don’t forget the people who helped you get to where you are, while you are running up behind this random man.” She scoffed.
“And where am I, Naomi? I really hate when you try to run the guilt trip on me. I wasn’t driving the car that killed mama and daddy. I also didn’t ask you to pass up college to take care of me.”
“See this is why you don’t do shit for folks. They’ll remind you that they never asked you to. You’re ungrateful, Sibley. The first chance you get, you leave me.”
“I appreciate everything you have done for me, and I mean everything. But I pull myself back so you can get the rest of your life back. I don’t need you to protect me, I don’t need you to worry about me, and you don’t need to continuously remind me that you put college on the back burner as well as your hopes and dreams to ‘raise me’.
Auntie Pat welcomed me with open arms, but you, being the savior that you are, chose to stay back and help. ”
“I’m supposed to be in New York, singing, living my dreams. Instead, I’m stuck at a dead-end job, only a high school diploma, and for what? For you to live the life that I am supposed to be living?”
“Quiet as it’s kept, Naomi, you got comfortable and forgot your dreams. That’s not my fault.”
“As I said, ungrateful.”
It always went like this. Naomi kept score, and I carried guilt. Somewhere along the way, we both convinced ourselves that I owed her a life she never went back to claim. It was truly exhausting.
She was single and had no kids. Naomi could come and go as she pleased, just like me. Why she chose not to was lost upon me. I wanted to ease the tension before I left again, so I decided to once again be the peacemaker.
“Kier said he’ll do whatever he can to keep me with him this summer. He’s already invited Treasure and Tara out. Why don’t you fly back with me? We could use some sister time, a sister vacay, some fun in the sun for sure. I can call him now and let him know you’ll be with us for a couple of days.”
“Unfortunately, Sibley, I have bills to pay. So, while you are jet-setting, I will be back here, managing Sephora.”
Naomi wanted me to beg her, but I refused to play her game and do that. “Okay, the invitation stands.”
Extending my arms out for a hug, I waited for her to accept my embrace.
Instead, she continued to browse on her phone.
I grabbed my coffee and left. This was the same script on a different day with Naomi.
I loved my sister, but she was truly exhausting.
She wanted to be continuously patted on her back and blame everybody for her forgotten dreams when she needed to hold herself accountable.
Our parents passed when I was 16, and she was 18.
Naomi was set to go off to Juilliard. She’d gotten a full ride to the Vocal Arts Department, and I was excited for her.
We were both grieving, but I never expected her to stay.
I don’t know if she stayed out of love, loyalty, or guilt.
Either way, when I turned 18, she could have pursued her dreams just like I did.
We’re both in our 30’s, and I am getting blamed for living the life I want, and the life she chose to live.
Eventually, night fell, and my first day back had stressed me out.
Settling into bed, I weighed my options.
Like Kier, I wanted this to be a quick trip.
I planned to go to work to pitch them an idea that would keep me working but gone all summer as well.
I hoped it worked. I texted Treasure, waiting to see when she planned on coming back. Before she responded, Kier texted me.
Mr. Producer:
It’s lonely without you here.
Me:
Yeah yeah, it’s only been a few hours. I know you got a million things you could be doing.
Mr. Producer:
True. But nothing is as exciting as being with you.
Me:
I’ll be back before you know it.
Mr. Producer:
I’m counting on it.
The next morning, I sat in my boss’s office.
I informed them of my plan to travel from city to city, promote our services, new positions, and whatever else I needed to do to stay actively working.
Once I was given the stamp of approval, it was up from there.
Sort of. I had one final stop to make. I left my laptop at Damien’s apartment.
After the foolishness with my sister, I needed the rest of the trip to go smoothly.
But if Damien knew I was in town, he’d want to talk, and as the self-proclaimed Queen of Avoidance, I just wasn’t gonna deal with that.
Pulling an all-nighter, I staked out his apartment.
I parked a few apartments down and waited for him to leave for his night shift at the radio station.
The minute he got in his car, I headed upstairs.
I remember scolding myself for not giving Damien back his key, but now it worked in my favor.
Quickly, I turned the key in the door and crept in. My mouth fell wide open.
“Babe, you back? Did you leave something?”
I stood speechless, watching Tara prance into the living room wearing his shirt. My shirt. A souvenir I brought him back from Orlando a few months ago.
“Oh my God. Sib-”
“Tara.” I shrugged. “Tara, Tara, Tara,” I said again as I shook my head.
“I’m sorry, it’s not what you think.”
“Girl.” I sighed again this time in exhaustion. “I don’t even care. I’m just here to get my laptop.” I brushed past her to search for my laptop. A surge of anger came over me once I heard the front door open then close.
“I left my charger—oh shit. Sibley, baby, it’s not-”
“Damien, I just came to get my laptop,” I said, scanning his small living room.
I saw it, then headed to retrieve it from the floor.
And I knew I hadn’t put it there, with his trifling ass.
Keep calm, Sibley, I thought. After picking it up, I looked at both of them somewhat in disbelief.
“I’ll leave you two to whatever it is that you do,” I stated, walking past him and to the door.
“Aye, hold on a minute.” He demanded, grabbing my arm. I didn’t think it through. Their betrayal had me on autopilot, and before I knew it, I was programmed to crash my laptop into his face.
“Aahhh shit! Sibley, have you lost your fuckin mind?” He yelled as Tara came to his aid.
“Fuck you, Damien. Y’all deserve each other.” I screamed, stepping over my shattered laptop and storming out.
Over the next couple of days, I virtually disappeared.
The first thing I did was get blood and lab work done to make sure I didn’t have any STIs or STDs.
I also requested a rapid HIV test. I didn’t know how long they’d been messing around, or if Tara was the only one.
There was no telling who Damien had been with, so I had to ease my mind and get tested.
Treasure sent checkup texts that I did not respond to.
Kier texted to check in and follow up on when I’d be back; however, I didn’t have the capacity to respond.
Tara sent apology texts and tried her best to explain the situation.
And Damien, being the trash-ass loser that he was, texted me too, only his texts explained how Tara came on to him.
Now I felt like I was living a nightmare.
Anytime Damien was on his phone texting or answering it but keeping the conversations vague, I wondered if he was talking to Tara.
Tara, my God, seeing her in his apartment was a punch to my gut.
The way she defended him too hard. The way he repeated things I’d only told her.
I ignored it because they were friends first, and I trusted her.
My heart hurt. It wasn’t that I was longing for Damien.
I was mourning my friendship. If I ever forgave Tara, which I knew I would, we wouldn’t exist the way we did before.
It would be cordial. But not now, because if I saw that bitch again, she’d be getting a beat down.
And that was on my mama and daddy grave.
After four days at home, I made peace with the situation. On day five, I replaced my laptop. Day six, I went to get my hair done. And by day seven, me and my small boho knotless braids sat on a plane thinking about how my life had changed within the blink of an eye.
My initial encounter with Kier took me by surprise, and his invite to Vegas caught me off guard.
I knew I was guarded the entire time, measuring my words, watching his tone, pretending I wasn’t halfway invested.
I told myself I was being smart and careful.
But if I was honest, I was scared. Scared of moving too fast, scared of liking him too much, and scared of looking stupid if it didn’t work out.
Going home forced me to be real with myself.
I wasn’t na?ve. I knew who Kier was and the kind of world he operated in.
He was surrounded by beautiful women, a ton of money, and access to whatever he wanted.
And though I knew she was being spiteful, Naomi’s words still lingered in the back of my mind whether I wanted them to or not.
But I also knew what I felt in the short time I was with him. This time, I wasn’t coming back to see if we could work.
I was coming back ready and willing to let it.