Chapter 5
Chapter Five
“You made this?” Mel asked after eating a spoonful of the chicken pot pie. “Wait,” she covered her mouth. “Of course, you did because Kiyan definitely didn’t.”
“Yes, I made it.” I chuckled lowly, clearing me, Kiyan, and Ava’s plates. “Just as a thank you.”
“Oh, I know that came with a speech.” She laughed. “He hates when people do things in return for him.”
“I can tell, but—” I paused briefly to look at her. “He told you right?”
She gave me a sympathetic smile while nodding. “But I want to hear it from you. If you’re comfortable, of course.”
“No, it’s fine.” I glanced at Ava who was still busy and concentrating on combing the dolls hair.
She’d added some bows and was laser focused on trying to figure out how to do the clips on the ends.
I decided not to interrupt her just yet, instead waiting to see if she could find a way.
“I don’t even know how to explain what I’m going through honestly, or where everything fell apart. ”
“Just start wherever you can,” she suggested. “Even if it doesn’t make sense yet.”
“He just… I don’t know; woke up and decided that he didn’t want us anymore.
” I shrugged, still watching Ava. I found myself staring at her while she slept last night and this morning before I woke her trying to figure out how Aldrick could turn his back on such a blessing.
“There was no warning. No conversation. No nothing. Just a laundry list of reasons that we’re a burden for him, a petition for divorce, and his ass to kiss after he got my signature. ”
“Wow,” she scoffed. “This man is a piece of shit.”
I nodded and sighed dejectedly. “I’ve been trying my hardest to wrap my head around it and figure out where things went wrong, but I keep ending up in the same spot—him looking at me and our child like we were strangers in his home and telling me he was done.
Just like that,” I snapped my fingers. “That easy.”
“But look at you still standing,” Mel replied. “Do you know how strong you are?”
“I don’t feel strong,” I dropped my head. “I don’t have anything or anyone to rely on. I had my child sleeping in a car and we would still be there if it hadn’t been for your cousin.” I reached up to wipe the tears that had fallen. “What kind of woman am I? What kind of mother?”
“One that was strong enough, loved herself and her child enough, to leave somewhere that they were clearly not welcomed,” she answered quickly.
“There was no telling what that man could or would have done to either of you had you stayed, so Leila, regardless of how messed up things were when you left, you made the best decision for the both of you.”
“Yeah, but what now?” I chuckled humorlessly. “I’m here for the time being, but what about what’s next?” I looked up at her. “What about the future? My daughter’s future.”
“Leila, you don’t have to have all of the answers today.”
“But I should,” I countered, “I’m her mom,” I continued in an almost pleading tone. “I haven’t worked in years because I’ve been so busy taking care of her and the home we built. I don’t even know if the accounting degree that I got still counts or if I’m employable.”
“No ma’am. You are not going to talk down on yourself like that,” Mel said shaking her head.
“I’m serious,” I insisted. “I gave everything to being a mom and wife, and the one person that should’ve had our backs…
folded.” I buried my face in my hands trying to keep from sobbing in front of this woman that I didn’t know.
I’d done a great job keeping it together, but now that we were talking, it was hard to keep my composure.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to before because I had no family, and the few friends I had jetted the moment Aldrick and I said I do.
When I got myself together, I continued.
“Now I feel like I’m at square one with a child that needs more than what I can give.
” I shook my head. “I’m just terrified that I’m not enough. ”
“Leila,” Mel got up from where she was seated and approached me, taking both of my hands into hers.
“You are enough, okay? You are,” she reiterated.
“Your ex is a coward, and will get what’s coming to him, but you,” she gave my hands a squeeze, “you’re going to overcome this because you have me now.
That degree you have? It wasn’t a waste and it doesn’t just go away.
It was on pause while you focused on being a mom.
There are so many people that wouldn’t have been able to endure what you have with even half of your strength. You know that?”
“It doesn’t feel like strength,” I admitted, pulling one of my hands free to wipe my tears. “It feels like failure.”
“No, what he did was failure,” She countered, reaching for a box of Kleenex on the counter behind me.
You’re surviving and about to rebuild, and you don’t have to rush it.
You won’t be alone trying to figure this out.
You’ll have help. You’ll have us. And most importantly, you have God.
Philippians 4:19 says, ‘God will supply all of your every need. You just have to trust and believe in Him.’” She smiled. “You’re going to be alright.”
She pulled me into a tight hug after that, and we stayed in the embrace for what seemed like forever.
I appreciated the hug and her words because she didn’t know just how much I really needed to hear them.
I spent the last forty eight hours trying to figure out what I’d missed or done wrong, but talking with her reminded me that it wasn’t me.
Aldrick was just a miserable person because of things he’d done in his own life, and he wanted me there with him.
We changed subjects after that. She told me more about how her and Kiyan ended up here and how against it his mother was at first. He was very young to be the Chairman of the Board at ACU at only thirty-five.
Apparently, he was a very ambitious child, quickly working his way through college and up the ranks in his career. It was very commendable.
I learned that his mother was a retired professor who taught African American studies at University of Illinois Chicago, and his father was still the Dean of Education at the same university.
His sister was a divorce attorney, which I found ironic, and his brother a dentist. He seemed to have come from a well put together family.
She also told me about their extended family, letting me know they were coming in town for the holidays, which gave me even more motivation to figure things out and get out of Kiyan’s way before then.
I didn’t want to put him in an odd position and have him explaining why he had me and my child squatting in his home during a time that he was supposed to be spending with his loved ones.
“You done telling all of my business?” Kiyan asked when he entered the den where we were all on the couch with the T.V. watching us.
When Ava heard his voice, she abandoned the doll and crawled over to my lap. I circled my arms around her to comfort her and took him in. He wasn’t wearing what he had on earlier, so I figured that he’d showered and changed.
She scoffed playfully. “You wish I was wasting my time talking about you, negro.”
“When don’t you take an opportunity to tell people my business, Melonie?” he walked in further. “You act just like your mother and aunt.”
“I can’t wait to tell them you said they had big mouths.”
“They know better,” he chuckled. “You should probably get home. You know I don’t like you driving when it’s dark.”
She rolled her eyes at him then looked at me. “Don’t be fooled, I’m the oldest.”
“I won’t,” I giggled. I loved their relationship. From what I’d seen and heard, the two of them acted more like siblings than they did cousins.
“Come on, I’ll walk you out.”
Melonie got up and gathered all of her things to go. Ava went to get the doll and tried giving it to her, but she shook her head while smiling at her.
“No, baby girl, that’s for you to play with. Take care of her for me.”
She walked over to me and opened her arms for a hug. I climbed up from my place on the couch and accepted her embrace.
“Thank you for talking to me today and allowing me to vent. It meant more than what I’d ever be able to explain.”
“Oh, girl, please. I need someone to talk to other than this one,” she pointed toward her cousin. “I know this won’t be the last time we talk or see each other, so until next time.”
“Until next time,” I replied.
I didn’t know how true our words were, or if I’d see her again after I left here, but I appreciated her taking the time out of her day to talk to me.
Kiyan walked her out after that, and I busied myself getting the den straightened back up.
I was glad that I’d taken the day to just relax and reset because now I was determined to get things in order for me and Ava.
I wasn’t going to allow Aldrick to win. I was going to pick up my boot straps and handle my business.
When Kiyan came back, he apologized for keeping me waiting as well as the mess in his den which I actually found to be comical because everything was very organized and in place outside of some boxes that were stacked in a corner.
“Are those decorations you need to put up or something?” I asked when he took a seat on the other end of the couch.”
He shook his head. “Naw. Gifts that I ordered for my people. I should have gotten them gift wrapped because I damn sure don’t know how to do it,” he chuckled. “I’ll just find someone and pay them to do it though.”
“Or I could,” I suggested.
“Leila, I told you…”
“I know what you told me.” I smiled. “It would make no sense to pay someone for something that I can do for you. It would give me something to do.”
His gaze was glued to mine for a few seconds before he nodded.
“As long as you understand that I don’t need you doing this for repayment.”