Chapter Four
I'M NEVER GOING TO let you go.
Something heavy lifts from my shoulders, and gray clouds that I didn't realize had darkened my world slowly part for the sun to break out, and just like that...
The world is back to how it is. My life is back to normal. And I'm back to my old self, too, because those words—
I'm never going to let you go.
That's just classic Kazeyuki Collington, and it's the proof I would never have figured out I was looking for until I heard him say it.
I'm never going to let you go.
If he had told me he loved me, or that he had one day woken up and realized he had fallen in love with me, I would've known he was lying.
But this? Oh, this?
I'm never going to let you go.
It's just so wonderfully him, the man who, when I once saw him wince at the sight of a large, hairy spider on the wall outside his office, and I had asked if he was arachnophobic, had answered with a perfectly straight face, "I grew up riding horses."
I still don't know what horses have to do with spiders. I probably never will. But that's the point, isn't it? That's the whole beautiful, maddening, completely illogical point of being in love with a man who communicates in encrypted poetry.
That's the kind of man who saved me. The kind of man I've been in love with for the past two years. And that's why I know—
I'm never going to let you go.
That's his way of saying he's totally in love with me, and I just...I just...
His reflexes are amazing, with his arm going around my waist to catch me from falling when my knees suddenly give out.
It's the first time he's held me like this, his arm strong and warm and wrapped around me like he's done it a thousand times, and my whole body goes stupid with how close he is.
I can smell the sanitizer on his hands, the clean cotton of his shirt, and underneath both, close to his skin where I can only catch it because I've never been this near, something warm and woody that doesn't come from any hospital dispenser.
I don't know what it is. I just know the other doctors don't smell like this, and I can feel his heartbeat against my shoulder, or maybe that's my heartbeat, or maybe it's both of ours together, and I should probably focus on standing but standing seems extremely overrated when the alternative is being held up by Kazeyuki Collington's arm.
"Are you alright?" he asks sharply. "Are you dizzy? Are you—"
"I'm s-sorry. I just can't believe this is happening."
"So you're okay then?"
"No."
He stiffens. The arm around my waist tightens, and I can feel his whole body go taut, and he's already shifting into doctor mode, his free hand coming up like he's about to check my pulse or tilt my chin to look at my pupils.
"So you're not okay—"
"What I mean is, 'okay' can't quite possibly describe what I'm feeling now."
A moment passes. Two. Three. His hand, which had been reaching for my face, slowly lowers. And when he looks at me, it’s no longer as my doctor, but as the man who...well, you know.
It’s that man who’s gazing at me with exasperation in his dark eyes, and I try but fail at biting back a laugh.
"That was not funny, Katherine."
I'm about to apologize when I realize what he's just called me, and oh my gosh—
"You...”
My heart has disintegrated in pieces, all jumbled up because of one thing, and all I can do is whisper—
“Y-You called me Katherine.”
His thumb shifts against my waist. Just slightly. Like the name and the touch are connected, and he didn't plan either one.
"Should I not?"
"No, of course not—" Wait. Did that come out correctly? "I mean, you totally should!"
"Then there's no problem, is there?"
Well...
He raises a brow, and honestly, I...I just love it when he does that.
It makes him look a thousand times cooler and smarter, and the dark chocolate of his eyes catches that particular gleam he gets when he's being patient with me, which is always, and at the same time it also makes this a thousand times harder to believe.
I know I've been in love with him for years, and of course I've always dreamt and hoped that he'd love me back, but now that it's happening...
"What is it?"
His hand is still around my waist, and it's the first time he's touched me like this, despite...
"What are you thinking?"
He must've noticed my lips twitching, and just the thought of answering him has a helpless smile forming over my lips.
"I know you've noticed how I tend to become...clumsy around you."
"It has crossed my mind to refer you to a specialist."
Oh, the driest humor from the driest man, but more than that—
“But right now...”
My heart starts to race as I slowly look down, and it races even faster as I feel him follow my gaze.
In the past, Dr. Collington has always found ways to keep me from stumbling into him without touching me.
Most times, he would do so by stepping deftly to the side and then catch the back of my shirt like I was a fish caught on a hook as he helped me regain my balance.
Whatever he did, he would always be swift and efficient; it would be all over in a flash, and never ever did any part of our bodies come into contact. ..
Until now.
Until...
“Ah.”
And of course, he’s figured it out, and gulp.
His fingers around my waist have just tightened, and when my gaze flies back up to his—
“It’s different this time, isn’t it?”
Oh...yes.
Everything’s so, so wonderfully, beautifully different that I just have to know.
“H-How...w-when did you know that you’re in love with me?”
I didn’t know what to expect after asking him that, but he actually doesn’t say anything for several moments, and I realize that’s very much a classic, too. Him just thinking at his leisure, and my chest squeezes a little when his gaze drifts to the scar on my temple.
“What about you?”
Even though he only murmurs the words, almost absently even, it makes me start because I didn’t expect him to suddenly speak—
“How can you be sure what you’re feeling isn’t simply gratitude?”
But that question he just asked though?
“That’s easy.”
I say this because it really is, and thank goodness I did since there he goes again, arching his brow, and oh gosh, it’s still the hottest thing ever—
“I’m not sure how to feel about that.”
And his humor, I can’t get enough of his humor either, and that...that’s the answer to his question, too.
“You’ve always...you’ve always known how I feel. But you never took advantage or made fun of me.”
“So you think I’m kind—”
“I know you’re kind.”
“And that’s your reason?”
It’s one of the many reasons that my heart knows he’s the one for me, but since it’s obviously taking a while for my mind to catch up—
“Your turn,” I say just a little shakily, just a little breathlessly. “Will you tell me how you knew?”
His fingers tighten yet again, and I hold my breath. Is he going to finally tell me—
“No.”
My eyes widen, and his eyes gleam.
"W-What do you mean n-no?"
"You know what it means.”
"B-But—"
His lips curve in a smirk. “Because I am who I am, Katherine. Did you really think I would simply answer you just like that?"
So what was he saying?
If he didn't want to answer, then...
Oh my gosh.
My hands cover my mouth.
I can't believe it.
I just can't believe it.
But since this is Kazeyuki who always talks in ways that his words are like a verbal Sudoku, and I've spent two years learning how to solve him—
I know exactly what this means, and all I can do is choke out the most important word ever.
“Y-Yes.”
How so very like Kazeyuki to once again take advantage of a situation to ask his question in a roundabout way.
"Yes, I'll marry you!"
And then I throw myself in his arms, the happiest girl in the world, because I'll find out how Kazeyuki Collington fell in love with me on our wedding—
The door suddenly opens, Emily about to step inside when she sees me in her boss's arms, and I turn to her tearily, saying, "Dr. Collington asked me to marry him, and I said yes."