Chapter Four
NOT MY HOME.
Not now.
Not ever.
Those were the three things she whispered to herself when she woke up or had her shower. Three things she reminded herself whenever she was alone or her heart felt as if it was about to break.
Three things she whispered to herself every time she got a well-meaning call or text from one of Troy’s relatives, telling her that there was still hope for them to get back together when there wasn’t.
And when it was time to finally answer her mother’s call and tell her the truth—
I’m sorry, Mom.
Those were the three things she desperately held on to...when her mother asked if there truly wasn’t a chance for Troy and her to get back together.
I’m sorry, Mom.
She told her mother it was too late for her and Troy, and that as soon as things died down, she would fly out and explain everything. But for now...her mother had to accept the same thing Laina herself was struggling to accept.
Her marriage was over. Nothing had changed...even though she had also accepted that it just wasn’t easy to stop herself from loving the man she had married.
One day at a time.
That was the only way to survive this. She would take things one day at a time while making sure never to forget that this wasn’t her home. Not now. Not ever.
ON THE FIRST THREE days, Troy had tried to invite her to share a meal with him. Or spend time with him in any way.
I made some breakfast. Do you want to join me?
Do you want some coffee?
Are you still awake?
He would never have tired of inviting her again and again...if he hadn’t caught sight of the way she had bitten her lip as she turned away from him. She had just turned him down, as she had every right to.
And yet when he caught her reflection on the window, it was as if she had broken her own heart by saying no to him.
And that...that was what made it the last time he had ever asked her to spend time with him again.
Because he had already hurt her enough.
Since then, Troy had found another way to spend time with his wife.
He wasn’t proud of it. In fact, he was fairly certain it qualified as the behavior of a man who had lost his mind. But every night, after she had retreated to her room and the house had gone quiet, Troy would sit in his study and watch Laina move around their home through the security cameras.
Every day, he would watch her.
Every day, he would wait for something he didn’t know how to define.
Something that would tell him he had a chance.
But instead, what he found was the opposite, with Laina checking her phone one morning, and his whole being turning cold when he saw how a helpless little smile had touched her lips. He went back a couple of seconds and played the footage again, this time zooming in on the screen of her phone.
Oscar Baldwin.
He forwarded the name to Burton, and his security guy didn’t disappoint him. It took only an hour for Burton to call him back.
“He teaches third grade, same school where Mrs. Barrymore teaches. Drove your wife home from school once, about a month before the leak.”
“Where the hell was Marlon?” Troy demanded.
“She insisted he take the afternoon off when his father came to visit.”
She had given the driver the afternoon off, and he hadn’t known it?
Instead of calling her own husband to pick her up from school, he had let another man drive her home instead?
ANOTHER WEEK PASSED. Laina was waiting for him outside his study when he stepped out, looking nervous and determined at the same time.
“What is it?”
“Do you think it’s safe for me to go back to the apartment?”
“No.”
Laina so badly wanted to ask if Troy was lying to her. But if she did, and it turned out he wasn’t, then wouldn’t it mean like she was assuming things? Wouldn’t it be so embarrassing if he was telling the truth, and here she was, acting like he was lying for the sake of keeping her around?
“Is there anything else you want to ask?”
“I...I was wondering if I could at least get back to work.”
“Why?”
“I miss working.”
“Is that so?”
She could only blink. Was it just her or was he insinuating something?
“I really do,” Laina said finally. “I’ve always loved my job and the kids.”
“Love’s a pretty strong word.”
Why had a muscle start ticking in his jaw while saying that?
“Are you sure those are the only things you love about your job?”
Laina could only look at him helplessly. “What are you really asking?”
I’m asking if you’re attracted to another man, and I’m asking if that man is the reason you want to go back to work.
That was what he wanted to say.
But he couldn’t.
“Do whatever you want,” he said curtly. “Burton’s men will keep you safe.”
“But—”
“They’re non-negotiable. For as long as the divorce hasn’t been finalized, you’re still my wife. It’s my responsibility to keep anyone from bothering you.”
Laina forced herself to nod. “I understand.” She quickly turned away while fighting back tears.
There it was then.
She wasn’t here because he wanted her close.
The fact that he had stopped asking her to spend time with him was already a clue.
Laina was only her because he saw her as his responsibility.
ON THE DAY BEFORE LAINA was scheduled to go back to work, Troy decided to pay the school a little visit.
But instead of going inside, he stayed in the parking lot, right next to his car.
He only had one goal in mind coming here, and it simply required him to bide his time, just waiting until... finally.
It was Mr. Oscar Baldwin himself coming out of the school.
The man’s smile faded upon seeing Troy.
That’s right, Baldwin.
I’m the man Laina married.
And I’m not letting go of my wife.
Oscar’s face started losing color as he slowly backed away.
Mission accomplished.
A LOT OF THINGS HAD changed by the time Laina came back to work. The kids were sweet and precocious like usual, but her coworkers, though, and even her own boss, the school principal...
She had always wondered if how people treated her would change, once they knew she was Troy Barrymore’s wife, and she now had her answer.
Most of them were nice about it. They teased Laina about keeping her marriage a secret. But there was one person, though...
It was just so weird, how Oscar Baldwin suddenly seemed unable to meet her gaze. He couldn’t even seem to bear being in the same room as her. He used to be so kind to her, even insisting on driving her home when she had impulsively insisted that Marlon take the afternoon off.
And yet now...
She was at the parking lot when she noticed something strange. Marlon typically used the SUV to pick her up. But instead, a different car was waiting for her. Wasn’t that the sportscar Troy liked to use when he was in the mood to drive?
And when the driver’s door opened—
Troy!
That was also the same moment Oscar had just come out of school, and when she saw how the other man paled upon seeing Troy—
What was that about?
“I’ve come to pick you up,” Troy said as she reached him. “Marlon had a personal emergency to take care of at home. Nothing serious, though.”
“I’m sorry,” she apologized awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to take your time—”
“I’m already retired,” he reminded her gently.
Right.
He opened the passenger door for her, and she took her seat next to him in front.
“How was school?”
“It was...” She was about to lie and say everything was okay when she remembered the look on Oscar’s face, and that was when she heard herself ask, “It was weird.”
“In what way?”
“Did you see the other teacher earlier?”
Laina was about to describe Oscar’s physical appearance—
“Are you talking about Baldwin?”
—but found herself gaping instead.
“Y-Yes. But how d-did you know—”
“What about him?”
“It’s just...I saw...I thought I saw...”
“You thought you saw what?”
Troy wasn’t raising his voice at all. If anything, his voice had actually gotten silkier, but that somehow made things worse, and she completely lost her nerve to ask him anything.
“Nothing.”
Troy let it slide even though he knew it wasn’t nothing at all.
Or at least he told himself he should let it slide.
But when they were back home, and he saw her jump out of the car as if she couldn’t get away from him fast enough...
No, dammit.
He realized that he couldn’t let it slide at all.
His wife looking concerned for another man while her husband was picking her up from work for the first time?
Troy inhaled deeply as he watched her run up the front steps of their home.
Let it go.
But instead, he found himself stalking after her.
Let it go.
Yes, he knew that compared to him, Oscar Baldwin was probably a saint, so yes, he knew he really should let it go—
But the moment he saw Laina run down the hallway was the same moment he knew—
I can’t let this go.
Because she was his wife, and Troy might not be a saint, but he was her husband—
“Laina.”
And he would do everything to take her back.
She was about to enter her room when he said her name.
And while it did make her stop—
“What were you going to ask me earlier?”
She shook her head without looking back. “It doesn’t—”
“Was it about Oscar?”
His wife jerked.
And the moment he saw that, he knew he just had to wait.
A few moments later, she spun around to face him, asking haltingly, “Did you talk to him?”
“I didn’t have to.”
“I d-don’t—”
“I went to your workplace yesterday. He saw me. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” she choked out. “He looked at you like you had beaten him up—”
“I would have,” he said easily, “if I thought there was any chance you had slept with him.”
“Troy!”
His name hung in the air, with Laina looking at him, stricken...because they both knew she had avoided saying his name since the day she had left him.
“I want you back, Laina...and I never stopped wanting you back.”
Laina couldn’t believe what she was hearing. After convincing herself for over an entire week that he had already given up on her, here he was, saying the most terrifying words—
I want you back, Laina.
I never stopped wanting you back.
And even though she knew that shouldn’t be enough to make herself forget three little things...
Oh no no no no.
She only managed a step back inside her room...
but since he was really fast like the athlete he was, that was it.
He was in her room, too. And then his mouth was on hers, and her back was against the door, and his hands were in her hair, and she was gripping the front of his shirt the way she always gripped the front of his shirt, and somewhere between the door and the bed, their clothes had started disappearing one at a time, and Laina...
She was so, so tired of the truth.
She just wanted to pretend.
Just this once.
“Stop thinking,” her husband growled, and yes, that pretty much did it.
She was already pretending, with her eyes closed, and her husband kissing her like their marriage had never been on the rocks.
His mouth traced the line of her throat.
His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, and the sound she made when his lips reached her collarbone...
Oh, if only they could keep pretending like this. With his body covering hers, and his breathing rough against her neck, and her fingers digging into his back as he started to move. With her whispering his name against his throat, barely, like it was a secret even from herself.
Oh, please.
Let this last.
Please.
Troy made love to his wife like tomorrow might never come.
Kissed every inch he could reach. Claimed every part of her body he could claim.
Her gasps. Her shivers. The way her back arched off the bed when his mouth found the spot below her navel.
He wanted the night to last forever because a part of him was terrified when he woke up... she would be gone.
And she was.
He told himself that was normal. That she still needed to go to work. But he didn’t really believe it until he walked back to the master’s...and he saw one gold star sticker on his bathroom mirror.