Chapter 19
(Arushi POV – Baek-Costa Penthouse, Cosmic Room, 4 AM)
Hindi na ako nakabalik sa tulog.
My mind was too restless after that dream—the longest, strangest, and most unsettling one I’ve had so far.
The faceless girl… her voice…
Bakit parang kilala ko siya?
Napabuntong-hininga ako. Hindi pwedeng ganito ako buong araw. I needed to clear my mind.
And there’s only one place where I can do that.
Dahan-dahan akong bumangon sa kama, tinanggal ang kumot, at naglakad palabas ng kwarto. Tahimik ang buong penthouse. Citrine was still asleep, and Mama Primo was probably in her room or still out.
Dumaan ako sa hallway, paakyat sa isa sa mga paborito kong lugar sa bahay—ang Cosmic Room.
---
The Cosmic Room
This room was my own design, something personal, something that reflected my obsession with the universe.
Pagpasok ko, the automatic dim blue lights turned on, giving the room a celestial glow. The ceiling was painted like a galaxy, filled with stars and constellations. There was a large telescope near the glass window, positioned perfectly for stargazing. Lahat ng gamit dito, ako pumili.
I wasn’t an astronomy student—hindi ko rin piniling kunin ang course na ‘yun, kahit interesado ako sa universe, planets, and the unknown.
Instead, I took Architecture.
Mas gusto kong mag-sketch ng buildings, structures, at kung ano-ano pang bagay that I could create with my hands. Designing things gave me a sense of control.
Unlike the universe—na kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko pwedeng diktahan.
Napaupo ako sa isang reclining chair sa tabi ng telescope, tinanggal ang shoes ko, at sumandal.
I stared at the ceiling, at the constellations I painted months ago.
Leo. Orion. Cassiopeia.
I needed to stop overthinking.
Pero paano?
---
Intrusive Thoughts
I stared at the telescope, debating kung gagamitin ko ba. But then, a thought crept into my mind.
Professor Haneul.
Putangina. Bakit siya na naman?
Ever since that night—since binigyan niya ako ng ride pauwi—hindi ko siya matanggal sa isip ko.
Her serious eyes.
The way she looked at me in the faculty room.
The way she walked beside me in the hallway, silent but commanding.
Parang may gusto siyang sabihin, pero hindi niya sinasabi.
I shook my head, frustrated.
Napapikit ako, inhaling deeply, trying to focus on something else. Pero kahit anong gawin ko—bumabalik lagi yung faceless girl.
That dream felt too real.
At hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero may something sa kanya na parang may connection kay Professor Haneul.
Coincidence? Maybe.
Pero why does it feel like a puzzle waiting to be solved?
---
A Distraction
Dahil ayoko nang mag-overthink, I stood up and walked towards the telescope.
I adjusted the lens, aimed it at the sky, and peered through it.
The stars were shining brightly tonight.
Saturn was visible. Mars, too. It was beautiful.
I focused on the Moon, tracing its craters through the lens. Ang laki niya, pero ang tahimik.
Gano’n din kaya ako?
Laging nakikita ng tao na matigas ako, cold, mataray. Pero deep inside, ang daming thoughts na hindi ko masabi.
Napabuntong-hininga ako ulit.
Minsan, gusto kong maging katulad ng buwan—silent, distant, untouchable.
Pero bakit pakiramdam ko may isang taong nakatingin sa’kin, pilit akong binabasa?
And for some reason, ang naiisip kong tao ay si Professor Haneul.
---
A Knock on the Door
I was too deep in thought when—
Knock. Knock.
Napalingon ako sa pinto. Sino namang gising sa oras na ‘to?
Si Citrine.
She slowly opened the door, her messy hair and sleepy eyes making it obvious na kakagising lang niya.
Citrine walked inside, sitting on the floor with a lazy stretch. “Let me guess. Nightmare na naman?”
Hindi ako sumagot.
Citrine smirked, resting her chin on her knees. “Or is it about Professor Haneul?”
I shot her a glare. “, Citrine. Hindi lahat tungkol sa kanya.”
She grinned. “Tch. Defensive.”
Napairap ako, pero hindi na ako nagsalita.
Citrine knew me too well.
She sighed and leaned back. “You know, Shi… minsan hindi ko gets kung bakit ang daming nagpapakamatay na magustuhan ka, pero ikaw parang wala lang. Para kang… para kang buwan.”
I tensed. “Buwan?”
Her words hit me deeper than I expected.
I stared at the Moon through my telescope.
Distant. Cold. Admired from afar.
I exhaled, letting Citrine’s words settle in my mind.
Maybe she was right.
Maybe I was like the Moon.
But what if, just like in my dream, someone was trying to reach me?
And what if…
Gusto kong abutin yung kamay nila?
____
Cosmic Room, 4:30 AM
Citrine was still sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees, staring at me with a teasing grin.
And I already knew.
May masama na namang iniisip ‘to.
Napabuntong-hininga na ako agad. “What?”
She tilted her head, her eyes narrowing playfully. “Diba you have that little thingy between your legs?”
Tangina.
I stopped adjusting the telescope and stared at her, deadpan. “The fuck, Citrine?”
She laughed, her shoulders shaking. “I mean, I know Raegan, Min-Jae, and Forest have that too, pero like… hindi ba kayo nahihirapan?”
I groaned, rubbing my temples. “Jesus, Citrine, bakit mo ba iniisip ‘yan?”
At that, I snapped my head towards her, glaring.
What the actual fuck?
She nodded, biting her lower lip to suppress her laughter. “Oo naman! I mean, hindi ka naman asexual diba? So like… ano na? Kailan ka magpapakasal? Kailan mo gagamitin ‘yan?”
I rolled my eyes so hard I almost saw my past life.
She pouted, acting all sulky. “Ayoko nga. Gusto ko malaman! Eh paano kung tumanda kang walang jowa? Sayang naman yang ‘little buddy’ mo.”
My eye twitched. PUTANGINA. LITTLE BUDDY?!
She gasped dramatically. “Wow. Ang sungit naman ng future tita ng anak ko.”
I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a second. Patience, Arushi. Patience.
---
A Change of Topic? Not Really.
Citrine laughed again, obviously enjoying my reaction.
Then she suddenly flopped on the floor, lying on her back while staring at the ceiling. “Pero seryoso, Troney… ayaw mo ba talaga magka-girlfriend?”
Napaisip ako saglit.
Was I even interested in a relationship?
Or was I just too preoccupied with… other things?
I shrugged. “Hindi ko naman sinasabing ayaw ko. I just don’t see the point.”
She sat up, raising an eyebrow. “Hindi mo nakikita ang point ng ano?”
I sighed. “Relationships. Love. Lahat ng ‘yan.”
Citrine groaned, rolling her eyes. “jeez, ang boring mo.”
I scoffed. “And ikaw? Ilang girlfriend / Boyfriend mo na?”
I shook my head. “None.”
She squinted at me, as if trying to read my soul.
Then she smirked.
I raised an eyebrow. “See what?”
Tangina naman.
I groaned. “Here we go again—”
I scoffed. “Citrine, kung gusto mong matulog dito sa Cosmic Room, sabihin mo na lang—”
But she was relentless.
I crossed my arms. “Wala.”
She gasped dramatically. “Wait—don’t tell me… si Professor Haneul?!”
I froze.
---
Silence Says It All
For the first time in our entire conversation, hindi ako agad nakasagot.
And that was all Citrine needed.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. “Shut up, Citrine.”
She pointed at me, looking way too excited for my liking. “No fucking way! Arushi Costa may gusto kay Professor Haneul?!”
I glared daggers at her. “ kung gusto mong mabuhay, stop talking.”
Pero Citrine being Citrine—hindi niya ako pinansin.
She gasped again, clutching her chest as if she just discovered the biggest secret in the universe.
I groaned, rubbing my face in frustration. “Jesus Christ, Citrine, shut the fuck up!”
Pero she only grinned wider.
She blinked, still grinning like a fucking idiot. “So? Totoo?”
I stared at her.
Dead serious.
And then—
I lied.
I fucking lied.
Because admitting that would only make things more complicated than they already are.
Citrine pouted, obviously not buying my shit. “Liar.”
I sighed. “Citrine. Matulog ka na.”
She groaned, finally standing up. “Fine, fine. Pero hindi pa tayo tapos dito, Troney.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”
She smirked, walking towards the door. But before she stepped out, she turned to me one last time.
I raised an eyebrow. “Ano?”
She grinned.