CHAPTER 2 #3
An image of a gun being pressed against his head flashed through my mind, and I instinctively moved my hands towards him, needing to touch him, to know he was really there and safe. My hands were still bound, but I flailed around until his hand grabbed both of mine and held them tightly between us.
“I’m right here, Cara. Right here,” he assured me. He leaned down and kissed the tips of my fingers so softly it brought more tears to my eyes. “I won’t leave you.”
Sobs slipped from me as tears started to pour down my stinging cheeks. The numbness was receding, and through the gaps it made, the pain flooded in.
“Can I pick you up, please babe? I need to hold you. Please,” he gasped as he crowded in closer to me.
I hesitated, not sure I could stand to be touched by anyone, but then I saw his tear filled eyes and I knew this wasn’t just anyone. This was Cal. My Cal. He wouldn’t hurt me, and I needed him.
I nodded, just once, but Cal was watching me so intensely and he saw it.
“Thank fuck!” he uttered as he sat up and got to his knees.
He slid his hands under my side and thighs, then lifted me up, pulling me into his front until my head was resting against the soft cotton of his T-shirt and the warmth of his chest. He was being gentle, obviously afraid to hurt me, but I was pretty sure I couldn’t feel any more pain than I already did.
I curled myself around him as much as I could, my bound hands tucked between us. Cal wrapped his jumper, then the stranger’s coat, around me as tightly as he could, then he leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
“I’m so sorry…so sorry…” he whispered as he just held me and pressed his head to the top of mine.
He had nothing to be sorry for, and I hated the pain I heard in his voice because he thought he did.
I looked up at him as tears continued to pour.
There were tears on his cheeks too, and I wanted to take them away.
Instead I did the only thing I could, and reached up enough to kiss the side of his jaw just once.
His eyes met mine as I pulled back, and he smiled shakily.
“Let’s get you out of here,” he suggested and I nodded again.
Cal moved to stand with me in his arms, but a deep voice called out, startling me. I cowered on instinct and pressed against Cal as tight as I could, hiding my whole face against his chest as my shaking kicked up a gear again.
“Wait!” The voice called. “Let me get your brother. You can’t stand on that ankle like that!”
“Sshh, Cara. It’s okay. That’s just one of our men. You’re safe,” Cal soothed, and I didn’t realise until he said that, that I was whimpering as fear consumed me.
I forced myself to stop as reason returned, but the fear that hit me at the sound of that man’s voice, wouldn’t leave me.
“Will you be okay if Arran comes close enough to help me up, Cara? I hurt my ankle in the car crash, and I might need him to help me,” he explained.
I remembered then the state of his ankle when I had been before him, when he was tied to the chair earlier. It had looked broken, sat at a hideous angle.
I started to move to get free of his arms. There was no way I was going to let him stand with his own weight on that ankle, let alone mine too, but Cal wasn’t letting go.
“Cara, stop. You’re hurting yourself,” Cal told me calmly.
I sat still and looked up at him instead, pointing to myself, then the ground. I knew I should talk to him, but I couldn’t. It was like my resolve to not utter a sound before had locked my vocal cords up.
“No. No way. I’m not putting you down. I can walk just fine with a little support. Arran will help me, okay? I’m not leaving you.”
“Cal?” I recognised Arran’s voice right away, and it didn’t make me feel fearful the way the strange voice had. Cal turned towards his brother, who had stopped at least a dozen feet away from me, obviously worried about getting close and scaring me.
I met his eyes and beckoned him closer with a weak wave of my hand. I was exhausted, and just that much movement seemed like a huge feat. I pointed to Cal’s ankle and then looked to Arran again, hoping he’d understand my worry
“Aye. I know, wee one. His ankle,” Arran sighed as he came closer but still left a few feet of distance between us. “I think it’s broken. He’ll be in a cast fer a wee while, I reckon.”
I looked to Cal again and pointed to the ground beside him again, this time with what I hoped looked like a demand.
“Easy now, I’m not putting you down, Cara. Save your energy,” Cal gently scolded.
“I’ll help him, so he doesnae put weight on his ankle, alright? He’ll be alright,” Arran assured me as he came a little closer still.
I shook my head and leaned closer to try and hold Cal. I didn’t want him to be in any more pain than I knew he already was. He had to stop worrying about me. I wasn’t worth worrying about. He was.
“I’ll look after him. I’ll look after the both of ye,” Arran spoke up.
I lifted my head to meet his gaze and nodded once, relieved he’d understood what I was thinking.
He needed taking care of himself. His head was split open and he was covered with blood that I was pretty sure was his own, and yet there he was, taking care of us.
I should have told him before - I realised with deep regret - how special I thought he was, and that I had been falling for him.
It was too late now. I was too broken to even look for a future for myself.
“Can ye hold on to Cal, Cara? So he can wrap an arm around my shoulders when he stands?”
“Arran, no. She can’t do that. She’s hurt badly, and she’s in a ton of pain,” Cal growled as he held me even tighter, as if he feared I’d try and flee.
I lifted my head and met his eyes fully, giving him a look that I hoped would portray the lie he needed to believe right then – that I was alright.
“You know that I know you better than that, don’t you?” he asked softly. “Don’t even try and tell me you’re alright, babe. That mask you used to wear, doesn’t work with me anymore. I see the truth.”
“Cal’s right, lass. Yer in pain. I shouldnae have asked ye to move at all. I’m just so desperate to get the both of ye far away from this fuckin’ place,” Arran added.
I studied him for a moment, seeing all of his own pain and fear right there on his face.
He wasn’t hiding anything in that moment.
It was the rawest I had ever seen him, not masking anything with his jokes or smiles.
He was just a man there in that moment, a man who had been through his own hell in that place, that night.
I lifted my bound hands from between Cal and me and held them out to Arran as I watched him with a question on my face.
The thought of leaving the safety of Cal’s arms worried me, but I wasn’t afraid of Arran.
I had trusted him before all of this, even had feelings for him.
I could go to him if it meant Cal got help faster and didn’t hurt himself any more in the process.
I would do whatever they needed to get them both away from that hell hole.
“Ye want me to carry ye, lass?” he asked, and I nodded, then pointed to Cal too, before looking to him again. “Aye. I can help Cal outta here too,” he told me, reading my non-verbal cues so easily.
“Are you sure, Cara?” Cal questioned.
I nodded again, but gripped his shirt in one of my hands, hoping he’d get what I needed from him.
“I already told you I’m not leaving you,” he promised as he leaned in and kissed the top of my head again. “I’ll be right at your side.”
“Let’s get the both of ye out of here then,” Arran said, and with that he leaned in and gently scooped me up from Cal’s lap. He stood with me in his arms with such ease, and that helped me to feel safe with him.
He settled me so I was almost sitting on one of his arms and holding onto his neck.
He’d looped my tied hands over his head, and though it had hurt to move that much, I felt safer holding onto him in that way.
My body was pressed to his and my head was resting against his shoulder while he readjusted the clothes around me to keep me covered.
“Cara? How bad’s the pain there?” Cal worried.
I gave him a shrug. I was in a lot of pain, but the physical was outweighed by so much deeper pain right then. The fear and horror was drowning me from the inside out, my whole body shaking constantly. There was no coming back this time. I had been destroyed. That was all I could think.
I didn’t even look to Cal, not wanting him to see the darkness raging inside me. Instead, I kept my eyes closed and my head lowered against Arran’s shirt, in an effort to stop the dizziness the movement of being lifted, had caused.
“Come on, brother.” As Arran moved, I opened my eyes, just a slit, to see him clasp Cal’s arm tight and pull him up easily. Cal wobbled a little at first, but Arran put his brother’s hand on his shoulder to steady him. “Alright?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just keep hold of Cara. Try not to jostle her too much,” Cal demanded with a grimace of what I knew had to be a lot of pain.
“I’ve got her.”
Arran wrapped his other arm around me and held me securely as we started to move out of that place that I knew would haunt my nightmares for a long time to come.
I knew as we exited into the bitter night air, that I was leaving behind huge pieces of myself in that building, pieces that had been torn from me, and that I would never get back again.
Pieces that, after the life I had lived, I could not afford to lose, and yet they were gone, and there was nothing I could do.