CHAPTER 14
CARA
A week passed with no real development on the Jase lookalike from the picture I found.
It wasn’t like Marcello kept employee records, and Dante was still uncontactable, so no one had been able to ask him either.
Arran had spoken with all of Rafe’s men, who had once been working under Marcello, but none of them were old enough to know who the man from the image was.
Things had also been pretty quiet with Adamian.
I had asked several times if there was any update on the situation, and specifically on the impending attack to get to me, so I could be dragged off and forced into marriage.
Rafe and Dio both continuously assured me they had Adamian, his men, and all of his operations under surveillance, but so far they hadn’t seen or heard anything that concerned them, other than what Hilt had told Arran and I.
I was pretty sure Rafe was starting to doubt the credibility of Hilt’s claims at all, but I didn’t.
I believed the warning that Hilt had given us, and it terrified me knowing more danger was on its way, right for me.
Another threat looming over me, certainly didn’t help me to get a grip on my anxiety.
I was still struggling badly, only now I wasn’t trying so hard to hide it.
Trying to keep it from the others had led me to taking drugs.
Trying to suppress what I was battling in my head had made me feel like I weas losing my mind, and that had terrified me.
Taking drugs had terrified me. So I had stopped bottling up my angst and fears, and hiding my struggles and anxiety.
Thankfully, Cal, Arran, and Dio had rallied around me as much as they could around their jobs and studies.
I rarely found myself alone, one of them always trying to be close, night and day, and that helped.
Rafe was there too, worrying and fussing over me, continuously checking in and spending time with me when he could.
I hated the burden I felt I was being to them, but I needed them after everything, and they constantly assured me that they were right where they wanted to be.
The only way I could reconcile the way I was behaving and how clingy I felt with everyone was the feeling that I was very slowly getting myself together. The improvement was glacial, but it was there.
My anxiety was creeping up on me a little less by the end of the week, and I felt able to relax so much more often when I was settled with my guys or my brother, feeling secure.
I still had flashbacks of that warehouse, and panic attacks when something as simple as a door slamming triggered me, and the nightmares were a marathon of terror every time I closed my eyes, but I hadn’t cried as much towards the end of that week.
I hadn’t thought about the numbness I longed to get from the drugs for a couple of days either.
Very, very slowly, I felt like I was improving, and it at least gave me hope that I could one day find my strength again.
I’d tried with a therapist, as Rafe had wanted me to. I’d had two Zoom sessions with the woman who had come highly recommended to him, one early in the week, and one just a couple of days ago, and neither had gone well.
Dr. Bhabra, the counsellor, had asked me to open up to her in the first session and tell her what I thought I was most struggling with, and why.
I’d found that very hard to do – to just pour out the shittiest parts of my life to a complete stranger, especially when she didn’t even seem to be listening half the time.
When I got lost in my own rambling and stopped, then told her how difficult I was finding it all, she snippily told me to try harder.
I came away feeling pretty stupid from the first session.
Dr. Bhabra had made it pretty clear I had failed to give her the information she really needed from me, and when I explained I wasn’t sure what that really meant, she had told me my homework was to think about it for myself until our next call.
The next call hadn’t gone any better, because I still had no idea what exactly she wanted from me, and she seemed so unwilling to explain or ask questions to help.
I had ended up simply terminating the chat on the laptop, then breaking down in tears, feeling like such a failure.
I couldn’t even manage a session with a therapist who was supposed to help me.
Cal, who had been staying close in case I needed anything, had swooped in and held me as I cried, assuring me I didn’t have to speak with that doctor again if I didn’t want to. He didn’t hear all of the session I had with her that day, but he hadn’t liked what he did hear.
Rafe had been fuming that night at dinner, after Cal explained everything to him.
He assured me he would call the doctor himself to deal with the situation, and, much to my relief, told me I didn’t need to deal with the woman again.
Cal was going to help me look online for another counsellor that I felt I might be comfortable enough to give a chance, but I was nervous after my first experience and I had been delaying the whole thing as much as possible.
Cal knew of course, but he didn’t push me.
He seemed to be giving me some much needed time.
“Everything okay?” Rafe asked as I stepped from the doctor’s office in the hospital. He rose from the chair he had been sat in and adjusted his and my coat, which hung over his arm.
“Yeah, all good,” I nodded.
I’d just had my final physical follow up with the gynaecologist after what happened at that warehouse.
She assured me I was well healed and that I shouldn’t face any further issues from the attacks.
She hadn’t used the word ‘attacks’ but I found it impossibly hard to say the ‘R’ word that she used.
Just that was enough to have me melting down into a panic attack, and I refused to let that happen.
“No more follow ups?” Rafe clarified as he wrapped his arm around the top of my back and we started towards the exit of the department.
“Just bloods in a few months to check for the big STI’s, but she told me not to worry too much, since all of the initial testing has been clear,” I explained, trying to keep my voice even.
It was impossible not to worry that I still faced a risk of contracting something as serious as HIV, but there was nothing I could do but wait, and panicking Rafe would only make things worse.
“Everything will be alright, Tesorino. Only good things lie ahead for you now,” he assured me, and I smiled and hoped, even though I knew he couldn’t really promise me that. “Do you need anything? There’s a half decent coffee shop in the lobby if you’re hungry?” he offered, changing the subject.
As we exited into the wide halls of the private hospital, three of Rafe’s men, including Joey, and Brax - who had returned to full duty just that week, after being shot. I didn’t know the other man with them, but they fell easily into step behind us, shadowing us as Rafe had directed them to do.
In the underground car park, parked beside the Range Rover Rafe and I arrived in, I knew that two other blacked out SUV’s awaited us.
They had followed us from home the whole way.
I was guessing each car also had more of Rafe’s men inside, primed and ready to charge in, should anything happen.
Rafe wasn’t taking any more chances and I couldn’t deny, it made me feel safer knowing they were there, not just to protect me, but to protect my brother too.
“Sweetheart?” Rafe prompted when I didn’t answer, getting lost in my head again.
“Sorry,” I laughed. “I’m okay. I just want to head home, if that’s alright?”
“Is Cal waiting for you?” he asked.
“No. He has classes for most of the day today, and then he’s working at a clinic somewhere across the city for the rest of the week. Practical training, or something,” I shrugged.
“He told me, you know?” Rafe said with the hint of a smirk.
“Told you what?”
“That he loves you, and that you return those feelings.”
“Rafe…” I didn’t even know what to say. Cal had told my brother he loved me? Had he also told Rafe about Arran and Dio too?
“It’s alright, Cara. Take a breath,” Rafe chuckled. “I’m on board with you and Cal. He’s a good man, and he has a bright future ahead of him. I think he would make you very happy, and I know he would take good care of you. I’ve already warned him what will happen should he not.”
“Rafe…” It seemed that was all I was capable of saying.
Should I tell him everything? About the others? Surely Rafe would trust them to look after me the way he trusted Cal to. Would he be as relaxed and almost happy looking as he were in that moment about all of us being together?
“Your face!” Rafe laughed. “It’s okay. I don’t need any explanation or details. I just wanted you to know that I am aware, and that I approve. As long as Cal respects your boundaries and lets you take the lead, I’m happy for you both.”
I opted to keep my mouth shut for the time being. I needed to talk to the guys before I blurted out the truth and got Arran and Dio into shit with my brother. Instead I just wrapped my arms around his waist and gave him a squeeze before we started walking towards the underground car park.
My phone rang and I released Rafe, to pull it from my jacket pocket as I passed through the door that he held open for me. A shudder rocked through me the moment we stepped out into the underground parking lot, but I ignored it and answered the call, seeing it was Dio.
“Hey,” I greeted, pressing the phone to my ear with one hand as I fought to pull my coat tighter around me with the other. It was freezing.
“Hi Piccola. I just wanted to see how things were going? Have you done with your appointment?” he asked gently.
“Yeah. We’re just heading for the car now. Everything was fine with the appointment. I just have to get follow up bloods in a few months, which the doctor told me she expects to come back clear.”