CHAPTER 15
CARA
I woke early the next morning with a pounding head, aching and stinging eyes, and my stomach rumbling. I barely remembered getting home after seeing Rafe in the Intensive Care Unit.
Just seeing him hooked up to so many monitors, IV lines, and tubes had been my breaking point.
He had just been so still and pale, a monstrous tube coming from his mouth.
It just left me feeling so hopeless, despite Cal - who had been with me, all but keeping me on my feet - telling me it was all completely normal considering Rafe’s condition, and that it was all helping him to heal.
To me, Rafe just seemed like he was already gone.
The only saving grace had been that he was unconscious and not aware of the way I just shattered right there in that room. Cal had been forced to carry me out of there. I remembered ending up in Dio’s arms at some point, then the rest was a nightmarish blur.
We’d arrived back home in the dark, then I vaguely remembered being back in my room. My guys had been with me all night as I moved through restless sleep, grief like turmoil, and screaming nightmares.
It was little wonder all three of them were passed out around me, as I slowly sat up in my bed and scanned the room.
Arran was right beside me, laid on his side facing me, his hand held out as if it had been wrapped around me.
Cal was on the floor between the bed and my wardrobes, laid out like a starfish with a blanket haphazardly covering his middle.
And Dio was in the uncomfortable chair from my desk.
He had moved it in front of the bedroom door and was asleep with his head leant right back against the wood, his arms folded over his chest. I hazily remembered demanding to go back to the hospital several times during the night, so I guessed Dio had settled there to stop me from leaving if I woke with the notion again.
I looked between them again, feeling guilty for the way I had fallen apart on them all the night before.
Yes I’d been terrified for Rafe, but he wasn’t just my brother – he was theirs too.
They loved him and had to have been just as scared we were all going to lose him.
And I’d selfishly made them go through that while also trying to hold me together.
I took a shaky breath as I raged at myself internally.
When did I become like this? I used to be strong – mentally strong – but somewhere between the night I found my Mum and right then, I had broken, and all of my fight and strength had seeped from the cracks.
I had to do better. For Rafe. For the men surrounding me.
For my damned self! Rafe was out of action, Dante was gone, and Adamian was making plans still.
I didn’t know how I was going to make it happen – likely one moment at a time – but I knew I had to be stronger than I had been so far. It was going to take all of us to get through what came next and that included me, even if I didn’t feel like a whole person any more.
I slipped from the bed without waking any of the others, grabbed some clothes then locked myself in the en-suite for a quick shower.
The temptation to break down was all consuming the moment I was alone behind that locked door again, but I pushed through it and concentrated on showering and washing my hair as fast as possible.
I was fighting a battle inside to not even think of Rafe, because when I did, all I could see was him laid out in that bed in the hospital, fighting for his life, all because of me – all because he was saving me.
I angrily dried myself off, pulled on clean clothes, and threw my wet hair up into a wild mess on top of my head. At least anger was stopping me from crying again!
When I walked back out to my bedroom, Dio was gone, the door open ajar. Cal and Arran were still out cold though, so I grabbed my phone from the nightstand, then tiptoed out into the hallway, closing the door silently behind me. I hoped they would get at least a little more sleep.
Forcing myself to focus, I headed down the stairs and straight to Rafe’s office.
I half expected to find Dio in there when I entered, but it was empty.
I went to sit in Rafe’s chair and powered on his laptop, opening the browser to search for the phone number I needed to call the I.C.U at the hospital and get an update on Rafe.
Making the call was terrifying, my hands shaking as I held my cell to dial the number.
I almost didn’t want anyone to answer on the other end.
My fears ran through my head, making my heart pound way too hard.
What if something had happened overnight and they hadn’t contacted us?
What if Rafe was gone? Died all alone because I left him there!
Then a friendly woman answered, and my voice trembled as I explained who I was and asked for an update.
“No change.”
That was about the only part of the reply I took in. Rafe was still stable, still in a coma, still alive, and healing.
I couldn’t stop the few tears that spilled as I ended the call. It was relief. Rafe was fighting. He was holding on. I hadn’t lost him. I allowed myself just a couple of moments to feel that, and take some strength from it.
My next call was to Brax. I knew Arran had arranged for some of Rafe’s men to stay close to his room last night, to protect him, and I wanted to be sure that protection was going to continue.
I was sure it would. Rafe’s men were family to him, and they were loyal above all else, but with Arran asleep, I just needed to confirm for my own sanity.
After a thorough reassurance from Brax that he himself was at the hospital with several other men, and that Rafe would not be left without protection for a moment, I felt a little calmer.
Next I went in search of food. I had this strange feeling of knots in my stomach, while it also rumbled away, demanding food.
“Oh my darling girl!” Terza cried the second I walked into the kitchen. She threw herself at me and instantly I was enfolded in her arms. “He will live, Cara. Rafe will not leave us all,” she told me soothingly as she just held me as tight as she could.
“I know,” I whispered back, fighting not to fall apart again. “I’m okay. I called the hospital and they told me Rafe’s still stable.”
“Of course he is!” She released me and took my hand in hers instead, pulling me into the kitchen and over to a stool at the counter. “You sit. I’ll get you some tea for your throat and some breakfast. Tell me what you feel up to eating.”
“Maybe just some eggs. I’m hungry, but I… I’m not at the same time,” I shrugged.
“Upset does strange things to the appetite. I’ll make you some scrambled eggs and lightly buttered toast. It will be gentle on your stomach.”
With that she bustled over to the other side of the kitchen and I found myself staring at the stool where Rafe usually sat beside me for breakfast most mornings.
He was always so busy, but he tried hard to eat at least one meal with me a day, so he could check in.
I missed him already, which seemed crazy considering the eleven years I went without him in my life before.
“Cara?” I startled and found Terza at my side, setting a steaming mug of tea with lemon in front of me.
“Sorry,” I croaked, my throat rough from the sheer amount of crying I had done.
“You shouldn’t be alone right now. Where are those boys?” she demanded.
“Cal and Arran are sleeping. I hope Dario is too. I kept them awake most of the night. They must be exhausted,” I explained.
“And I’m not alone. I have you.” I looked to her with a shaky smile and she wrapped her arm around me affectionately.
“It’s just so strange being here without him,” I admitted as I lay my head against her side.
She was so warm and loving – everything I always imagined a mother should be.
“He’ll be back home as soon as he can,” she reassured me.
I glanced up at the sound of the door opening and watched as Dio walked in, his hair wet from a shower and dressed in a freshly pressed grey suit and white shirt. He looked right at me the second he entered, his face pale and exhausted.
“You should be resting, Piccola,” he sighed, crossing the room.
He set his suit jacket, which had been hanging over his arm, on the back of the seat beside me, then he settled into it, turning my way.
“So should you. You look so tired, Principe,” Terza scolded gently, adorably calling him the Italian equivalent of ‘prince’ just as she always had. She leaned in to kiss his cheek, gave me one final squeeze, then she returned to the stove.
“She’s right. You barely slept a wink last night,” I agreed.
Without thought my hand moved to cover his where he had set it on the counter. The relief that simple contact gave me was astounding.
“Neither did you.” He turned his hand beneath mine and held it instead. “Brax called me. He let me know you were worried about security.”
“I just needed to know for sure that Rafe is safe.”
“He is, baby. I made sure of it, and that this house is well protected too. I won’t let anything happen to either of you.”
“Do we know who it was? Who sh-shot Rafe?”
“Our men are trying to identify the bodies we removed from the scene, but they didn’t have anything on them, not even phones. It’s pretty safe to assume it was either Kozlov, trying to take Rafe out, or Adamian, hoping to grab you while he had the chance.”
“That’s what I thought,” I uttered, fighting the tears that wanted to fall at the knowledge it had been my fault – it had been me those monsters were most likely coming after.
“Cara…”
“Can you get pictures, of the bodies? I should check if any of them are Hilt or his brother, Dev. If either of them were there, then at least we’d know it was Adamian.”
“Cara, don’t you dare blame yourself…”
“Just stop, Dio!” I snapped, finding it harder and harder not to let the emotions flow. I didn’t want to break. I wanted to keep myself together.