CHAPTER 26 #2
“Starving dogs?” I laughed as I looked around the table between Rafe, Cal, and Arran. Dio walked in behind me and I looked him over too.
They were aglow with health, rippling with muscle, and built like warriors. Even Rafe, as ill as he looked, was still a hell of a long way from unhealthy.
“Cara! There you are my dear!” Terza cried as she whirled around and wrapped me in a hug. “The boys have told me how they behaved like children yesterday. Damned fools. Don’t you worry. I’ve handled it. It will not happen again, will it?” She turned to look over her shoulder with a glare.
“No Mum,” Dio spoke first.
“Definitely not,” Cal was next.
“Lesson learned,” Arran nodded.
When there was just silence from Rafe, Terza released me and turned so we were both facing him, but where I was trying to stifle a laugh at the naughty boys around the table, Terza was throwing pure fire at my brother.
“Raffaele,” she warned firmly. I saw Rafe flinch and was pretty sure Dio had kicked him under the table.
Finally, Rafe looked up, his face set like a rebellious toddler and huffed out his reply. “They should have told me,” he argued.
“They should. I agreed with you when we had this discussion earlier. Now we are all moving on, correct? Don’t test me, Rafe. You may get to order everyone else around, but I changed your nappies.”
“Jesus,” Rafe sighed as he looked to Dio for help. Dio just smirked, clearly trying to hold in laughter, as was I. “Fine. It’s handled. I’ll let it go,” he ultimately conceded.
“Thank God for that,” Cal sighed.
“See? No more trouble now. You be happy, Cara. I know my boys will be everything you need,” Terza assured me. I smiled to her gratefully, then allowed her to all but shove me into a chair between Cal and Arran.
“Eat now!” she ordered, and we all started to dive into the food as Terza took her place beside Dio and sipped at a glass of red wine. She was smiling brightly as she watched us fill plates. It was clear that feeding us all made her happy.
“Let Cara get food!” She growled when Rafe cut in front of me to grab a spoon for the risotto. “What is wrong with you? Why do you act like you have no manners?”
"It's because they eat like escaped livestock," I said, reaching for the focaccia before Cal could steal it. Too late. He snatched it first with an unbearably smug grin.
“Animals!” Terza declared as she slapped Cal on the back of the head, then glared at him until he offered me the bread. I smiled smugly at him as I took the biggest piece.
Across from us, Arran laughed quietly into his wine glass, having obviously witnessed the exchange.
Dio was laughing too as he leaned back in his chair looking deeply satisfied, though I was pretty sure he was using the relaxed front to hide the fact he’d rather wait for me to finish than risk any further wrath from his mother.
"Stop worrying, Mum," Dio sighed, eyeing the table, "…this is enough food for twenty people."
"And still somehow you boys finish everything," Terza accused, pointing a spoon at him.
"Because we're growing," Cal laughed.
"You are grown," Terza threw back, making us all laugh.
"I can still grow emotionally," Cal teased.
Rafe snorted into his drink hard enough to immediately regret it. Pain flashed across his face and I was already on my feet, all my amusement vanished instantly.
"Rafe…"
"I'm fine," he muttered, waving me off before I could get up.
He looked exhausted. He had slept for most of the afternoon, just as I had, but it didn’t seem to have helped much.
His skin was still paler than normal, dark bruising beneath his eyes, and every deep breath seemed to cost him something.
Even sitting at the table for this long clearly hurt and strained him.
He should be in his room, resting in bed, but convincing Rafe to rest was like trying to fistfight with gravity.
I hesitated to go to him, not wanting to make him angry, but Terza didn’t.
She moved before anyone else could, and appeared beside him with the terrifying efficiency only Italian mother’s possessed.
She wrapped an arm around him briefly and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, then she set to work piling more food onto his plate.
“You need feeding,” she informed him. “And you need to rest. You should be in bed.”
“I need oxygen,” Rafe wheezed. I looked to Cal with panic.
“Sit, Cara. I’ll get it,” Cal assured me, already up on his feet.
“No. Sit Cal. I’m fine. I’ll rest after dinner. I’m alright,” Rafe argued, and we all heard the warning tone in his voice. He was in no mood to be questioned. Cal and I sat back down, but we were all watching him closely now.
“Stubborn boy,” Terza sighed as she stood over him disapprovingly.
Rafe muttered something under his breath in Italian that made Dio grin into his wine.
“I heard that,” Terza warned.
“You always hear everything.”
“Because you’re all loud.”
“That's rich coming from you,” Cal dared.
Terza gasped theatrically and smacked the back of his head with a dish towel, which she pulled from nowhere, as she passed. I laughed so hard I nearly choked on the sip of water I had just taken.
“You're supposed to defend me,” Cal pouted as he looked at me with animated betrayal.
“Against Terza?” I laughed. “Absolutely not.”
“Smart girl,” Terza approved, tipping her wine glass in my direction with a smile.
Arran reached across to refill my water glass while Dio passed me the parmesan without me asking. It was all so easy, so familiar, and warmth spread through me before I could stop it.
This was what I'd missed for all of those years. Family. Love. Happiness. The noise. The teasing. Everyone talking over each other while Terza complained and fed us simultaneously. It was security and safety. Home. For a little while, it almost felt normal.
Then Rafe ruined it. It was like he couldn’t hold in his bitterness when he felt weakened, and clearly he did at that moment.
“I still think this is ridiculous,” he announced coldly.
Three male heads turned toward him immediately and I could see them struggling with how they wanted to react, versus how they could based on how out of sorts Rafe was right then.
I sighed, all of my peace fleeing as my anxiety reared up, right back to where it seemed to live most of the time – right at the forefront of every thought I had, every breath I took, every move I made.
"Here we go," I muttered suddenly feeling completely drained again.
Rafe pointed lazily around the table with his fork. "Three men. Dating my sister, at the same time."
"Sounds efficient when ye say it like that," Arran observed calmly, obviously trying for humour. Rafe ignored him.
“I leave the house for five minutes. I get shot! And what are my loyal men doing? Screwing my sister! Preying on her like this is some fucked up sex club!” He spat the word ‘loyal’ as if it meant nothing.
“Now hold on a minute!” Cal snapped as he glared at my brother.
“Traitor,” Rafe informed him. “You betrayed me. You put hands on my sister! I should have you killed!”
“Rafe!” I cried.
“This isnae about sides, Rafe. We’re no’ trying to betray ye.
We just fell in love wi’ yer sister. We didnae mean to, but it just happened.
Ye have to stop lookin’ at it like we all created some great coup against ye.
We were loyal to ye. We still are, and we always will be.
I’ve dedicated over half of my life to this family, as has Cal in every way he could.
And Dario…well he’s given ye everythin’.
No one, blood or no’, could ever be more devoted or loyal te ye, and ye ken that.
Just because we love Cara isnae gonna change that, unless you force us to draw a line none of want to have to draw. ”
“I force you?” Rafe scoffed. “I’m not the one forcing anything here. That’s all on the four of you. You’re the ones who have fucked everything up!”
A sob slipped from me, and I was in Arran’s arms before the next one came. He lifted me into his lap and held me tightly. I couldn’t believe we were back here again. It was just too much.
“Enough, lad. Yer upsettin’ yer sister again,” Arran growled.
“I agree. Enough. You behave like a child, Rafe. Cara isn’t some toy you’ve had stolen. This is her life and you don’t get to rip it to shreds. It’s not your decision who she, or anyone else, loves,” Terza cut in angrily.
“It can be my decision,” Rafe sneered as he looked between my guys with a cold threat.
I’d heard enough. I couldn’t take any more. Rafe had promised he wouldn’t make me choose again. He’d apologized to me and to the guys. And now here we were all over again.
I jumped to my feet and stumbled, trying to get my balance. I was shaky and unsteady. My heart was beating too fast, adrenaline flooding my system.
“Cara, where are ye goin’ darlin’?” Arran asked as he reached out to steady me. I evaded his hold and skipped to the side, then I stormed towards the door.
“Cara?” Cal called. I turned to look at him with a sad smile, then glanced to Rafe for a second.
“I’m going to pack,” I told them all.
“Where are you going, Piccola?” Dio asked.
“I don’t know. Away. I c-can’t…” My voice broke and I had to take a shaky breath to stop the sob that wanted free. “I can’t do this anymore. He’s going to make me choose and I won’t. I can’t, so it’s easier if I just…just go,” I explained shakily.
“No, Cara…” Terza pleaded as the guys all spoke over each other. I just left the room, unable to listen to any more chaos. It was too much.
“Cara?” I turned at the top of the stairs and glanced back to find Rafe stood there, leaning heavily against the banister and struggling to catch his breath.
“Why are you doing this?” I cried as tears flooded down my face.
“I’m prot…”
“Spare me!” I screamed over the rest of the word I knew was coming.
“I don’t need protecting! I just needed you to love and accept me, but you can’t do it!
You need me to be broken, and maybe I am, but I have no intention of staying that way, Rafe.
You don’t get to hold me back, just to keep as your pet project! ”
“That’s bullshit!” he snapped.
“Is it? Tell me you don’t find it easier to deal with me when I’m falling to pieces every five minutes? Tell me it doesn’t suit your need for control when I’m small, scared, and so fucking broken I don’t know where to turn!”
“Cara! You don’t see it, but I do. Maybe they don’t even know they’re doing it, but they’re using you when you’re at your lowest. They’re in love with you because you need them. They want control, just as you accused me, only I won’t hurt you. They will.”
“Get a grip Rafe!” I raged. “You’re accusing men, who you have known for years, of abusing me! You’re accusing a man who you’ve known for so many years longer than you’ve known me, of being a monster! You’re losing it!”
“Get back here!” Rafe yelled when I turned and left his sight, but I didn’t set off up the next flight of stairs.
I just paused at the top and tried to get a handle on myself.
This wasn’t my brother. This was the pain he was in, talking.
It was his exhaustion and his frustration and his anger at us not telling him right away.
“You won’t leave this house. Cara!” Rafe bellowed louder. “My men won’t allow it. You will stay here where you’re safe if I have to make you my prisoner! Do you hear me?” he stopped and burst into a coughing fit. My concern for him didn’t overrun my anger though.
“How dare you?” I growled as I returned to the top of the stairs and stared down at him. “You think you can threaten me?”
“I’ll d-do what I have to, to k-keep you safe,” he panted.
“Keep on this way and I’ll save you the hassle!” I gasped emotionally.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, my words finally seeming to bring some sense to him.
“I won’t be manipulated or used again, Rafe, not by anyone. You threatened to make me a prisoner! You threatened to kill the men I love! You’re taking away the shreds of peace I found for myself, and if you continue, I’ll wind up back in that darkness you found me in, pretty fucking fast.”
“I won’t let you try to take your life again, Cara.”
“Yeah? What’s the plan? Suicide watch? Send me to some nut house? I mean, why not? What ever it takes to protect me, huh Rafe?” I ground out.
“Cara!”
I was already gone. I fled up the next set of stairs in three leaps, slamming closed and locking my bedroom door behind me.
I slid down it, resting my head atop my raised knees as I crumbled and tears flooded my face.
My sobs were desperate, my heart racing and my body shaking.
I didn’t understand what was going on. Rafe wasn’t being the brother I knew him as.
He was acting more like Marcello, and that terrified me.