CHAPTER 31 #2
“Arran’s tearing him apart with guilt for the exact same thing, Cara, but it won’t fix anything.
We should have looked for Dante, and for whatever reason, we didn’t.
We have to live with that, but drowning in guilt for it won’t help Dante get through this, nor will it help you.
All we can do now is be there for one another, see each other through this and be grateful we’re all still breathing at the end of the day,” he explained.
“Is it really over?” I whimpered.
“Yes. I believe it truly is. Everyone from your past is gone. Daniel is gone. Rafe is getting out of the criminal side of things. We can finally start to live without looking over our shoulders quite so much.”
“But not completely?”
“You know the answer to that. I’ve heard you lecture Rafe enough on the matter.
Your name will never allow you to be completely protected.
Who you are will always mean there’s a threat, but with the past laid to rest, and some strategic security, I don’t see why you can’t find a normal life, whatever that looks like,” he teased, and I smiled a little.
“As long as it has you, Arran, and Dio as a part of it, it looks pretty good to me.”
“And Dante?”
“Dante and I need to talk. I don’t hold what happened in Chicago against him, but I need to know for sure it will never happen again, Cal. I love him, and I want to be with him, but I have to be able to feel safe with him too.”
“Absolutely you do,” he agreed. “Just make things very clear with him when you speak. Lay down your boundaries and ensure he knowns them backwards and forwards. Even then though, Cara, it’s okay to feel wary with him for a while after what he did.
It will take time for him to earn your trust back, and I’m sure he knows that too. ”
“I hope so,” I nodded. “but I guess we’re a long way from that when he can’t even be allowed to wake up right now.”
“It’s going to take time. I think he’ll be in survival mode for a while, and I don’t think that will be a good time for you to talk with him, at least not if you want rational answers.”
“I’ll wait. He needs time to recover. I think we all do, to be honest,” I sighed.
I leant back into his chest, careful to stay well away from his shoulder. I felt exhausted, despite the fact I just woke up, and being there with Cal, feeling secure and loved, it was a piece of calm I needed.
I was almost asleep when the door opening, a short while later startled me.
I looked up with alarm, but relaxed again when I saw it was just Arran.
He had changed from the blood covered clothes he wore earlier, into blue jeans and a dark wool sweater.
His hair was pulled back messily, tied in a top knot, and he looked tired, the hint of his red stubble covering his face.
“Ye alright lad? I just saw yer message,” he asked in a panic as he strode to the bed.
“The nurses aren’t answering when I press the buzzer. Cara’s in pain. It’s hours since she was given anything,” Cal explained.
“Yer head, lass?” Arran asked with just a glance at me.
“When did I get so easy to read?” I laughed weakly.
“Yer squintin’ at me as I speak. No’ much to read,” Arran chuckled. “I’ll grab someone to gi’ ye something.”
“No more strong drugs, please, Arran. Just some aspirin or acetaminophen will work,” I spoke up.
“Cara…” Cal tried, but I cut in before he could say anything more.
“I took them last night because I was numb and didn’t care. Today I care and I’m not taking any more. I don’t need anything strong. The pain is tolerable.”
“Let’s see what the doc says, aye?” Arran suggested, then he slipped from the room.
“Do you know how Rafe is?” I asked.
“Dario was in here earlier. He said Rafe was still fast asleep, still on oxygen. The doctor had told him Rafe would be fine after some rest. He just pushed too hard.”
“Because of me,” I stated. It was a fact, after all. “I was such an idiot. I never should have trusted a word Grigor said. I don’t know when I got so ridiculously na?ve.”
“So you did go willingly? We weren’t sure. The cameras out front were the only ones working and they only showed those men dragging you and shoving you in the car.” I didn’t miss the sharpness in Cal’s tone at those words. He was mad, or disappointed. Maybe both.
“All I could think about was getting Dante back. Grigor said it would be only forty-eight hours, then Dante and I could walk. He gave his word and I…I believed him. I thought I could handle it,” I tried to explain.
“Cara, men like Grigor Adamian…their word is worth shit. Of course he wasn’t going to let you go.
That’s why Rafe told him where he could stick his offer when he received it.
He wanted to use you as a pawn against Rafe.
And Dante…he never would have gotten out alive no matter what deal we struck with Adamian.
That’s why Rafe and Dio were preparing an attack.
It was the only way Dante had a chance.”
“I worked all of that out myself, but it was too late by then,” I admitted.
“They hurt you?” It wasn’t really a question, I knew Cal and Arran had seen the bruises and wounds on my body, but clearly he needed an answer anyway.
“I’ve been hurt worse,” I shrugged.
“That doesn’t make any of this better, Cara,” Cal growled.
“I fought back,” I explained. “I thought if I could just get to Dante, maybe I could get us out of there. I got one of the guards down and had his gun in my hands, but Daniel…he was faster. He stopped me, then dragged Dante up and threatened to kill him if I fought again.”
“Christ, Cara. The thought of you trying to fight those bastards…fuck…” he pulled me close and held me almost too tightly, not that I protested. “I never want you in a situation where you have to do that again. Never.”
“Me neither,” I agreed. “But I won’t stop training. I won’t stop preparing, just in case I ever am.”
“You never put yourself in a position like that again though. Promise me. No matter what the stakes, you never walk willingly into danger again, Cara. You have four men devoted to you, who can handle any situation that needs to be handled. You have a brother, who is a power player, who can face whatever arises. There’s no reason for you to walk into danger like that.
Promise me you will never do it again!” he insisted, almost desperately.
“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, Cal.
” I told him. “And I can’t promise you that, because there is nothing I wouldn’t do to save someone I love.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know if one of you - the men I love with every part of me - or any member of my family is ever under threat, I will walk right into danger if that’s what it takes to save them. ”
“For fuck’s sake, Cara!” he cursed under his breath. “I just need you to always be safe.”
“And I want that too, for you, for me, and for everyone that matters to us, but there are no guarantees. All we can do is keep holding on, keep fighting, and stand together. That’s why I want to keep training.
I want to be ready, as prepared as possible.
I can’t promise to always be safe, but I can promise you that I will always do everything I can to come home to you though, Cal. To all of you.”
“And I can promise you that Dio will be finding you the best personal protection there is out there, to follow you at all times, because we cannot lose you. Do you understand that? We need you, and if you’re going to go on being stubbornly brave and headstrong, we are going to do everything in our power to ensure you are protected. ”
“You shouldn’t worry so much,” I told him playfully, needing to lighten the mood and stop him looking so terrified. I hated it. “I’m basically unkillable at this point. More lives than a cat. I’m like a cockroach!” I announced animatedly.
“What the hell are ye bleatin’ on about now, lass?” Arran laughed as he walked back into the room to catch the tail end of that outburst.
“She’s trying to tell us how we don’t need to worry about protecting her, since she’s so unkillable,” Cal explained staidly, clearly not amused.
“Oh no!” Arran shook his head as he approached.
“Dinnae even try that shit wi’ me. After this and everythin’ ye’ve been through since we found ye, ye will take the protection we swaddle ye in, and ye’ll no utter a bloody word of protest to it.
Ye’ve been through far more than ye ever should have been, wee one.
We’ll no’ let anything else happen te ye, no’ as long as we have a thing te do wi’ it,” Arran lectured flatly, laying down the law and daring me to argue.
“What he said,” Cal concurred with a dramatic nod.
“I wasn’t arguing,” I denied. “I’ll take the protection and be glad of it. I’m just saying, protection won’t guarantee safety, and if something happens, I won’t promise not to dive in, especially if it’s to help or protect one of you, or anyone I love.”
“Jesus wept. She’s tryin’ to scare us all inte early graves already,” Arran announced dramatically.
“I guess if you’re worried you’ll just have to keep training me, make sure I’m ready if the need ever arises.” I smiled at them both, feeling victorious.
“Aye, we’ll train ye, but ye’ll never be in another situation where ye need the skills. We’ll make fuckin’ sure of that,” Arran promised, almost like a pledge, like he fully believed he could stop me from ever facing danger again.
It was nice to think maybe he could, but life had taught me I could never fully believe in that.
Life happened, good and bad. That was a fact.
As was the knowledge that sometimes life smashed you in the face when you least expected it.
I’d try to be ready in future, and live in the hope, but never the na?ve belief, that life had given me all the knock down blows I had coming.
***