EPILOGUE #3
I sniffled a laugh as I turned to him affectionately. He was staring me down, daring me to argue with him, and I loved it. I loved him.
“The point is…” I continued, looking up to Rafe again.
“…I can be sure now. I can make that promise to you, big brother. I promise here and now that I’m not going anywhere, not by my own hand anyway, okay?
Those thoughts, that misery, it doesn’t live inside me anymore.
I promise I won’t hurt myself again.” I told him tearfully.
“Fuck,” Rafe exhaled. “I don’t think I fully realised how much I needed to hear that, Cara.”
“We all needed it, darlin’,” Arran sighed and my eyes shot to him, and then to the others, seeing relief on all of their faces. “Thank ye fer being brave enough to say it, and puttin’ a lot of our worries te rest fer us.”
“You were all still worried about that?” I asked, shocked.
“Of course we were, babe. We know how dark it can get in your head. It’s so much better now, but we still see snippets of it when you have nightmares, or get lost on us. The fear that one incident could just push you that bit too far, it’s had us all living in some level of terror,” Cal explained.
“I didn’t know,” I told them. “But I meant what I promised. I’m doing so much better.
I mean…you’re right, the darkness is still in me, but I’ve learned to handle it.
And when I can’t do it alone, when it’s too big or too strong, I don’t hide anymore.
I find one of you, or I call you. I’m not fixed, but I’ve learned to live with my damage.
I feel whole now, and I never did before. ”
“You’re incredible, sweetheart. You’ve come through so much, and fought so hard to find yourself again. You amaze me, and I am so fucking proud of you,” Rafe gushed, while still holding me against him in an embrace.
“We all are, baby,” Dio added, making me blush fiery red. I hated compliments, not knowing what to do with them.
“Can we see the apartment now?” I asked, changing the subject fast.
“Yes, go ahead.” Rafe waved for me to go first, but before I passed him I stopped on the step above him and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
“I love you, Raffy.”
“I love you too, Tesorino, very, very much.”
I moved up the rest of the stairs with Cal close at my back. When we got to the top, where there had once been an open landing, there was a smaller landing, walled off with a double width doorway.
“The doors lock and there are keys for each of you inside, but it’s open right now,” Rafe spoke, and when I turned to look for him, I found him behind Cal and I, with Dio, Dante, and Arran.
“Are the doors reinforced?” Dante asked.
“Obviously, and they’re double barrel deadlocks too. The place can be alarmed from downstairs on the house system, but there’s also a separate system just for your duplex. The panel’s just inside the door.
“Panic room?” Dante went on and I groaned. Of course he wanted our new space to be more secure than Fort Knox.
“Do I look like an amateur?” Rafe asked with a roll of his eyes. “In the back of the dressing room in the main suite, and there’s also panic buttons on each floor that send signals to our men, and to each of us. The new windows are bullet proof too.”
“New windows?” I asked excitedly.
“I made some big alterations. You’ll see if you open the door and step inside,” Rafe laughed.
“Come on, babe,” Cal urged as he turned the door handle and opened the door.
We stepped inside and I just… stopped. We were in a small entrance vestibule with built in cupboards down one side, presumably for shoes and bags, and a bench seat with coat hooks on the other.
In the centre before us was a table with a huge vase of fresh flowers atop it, and beyond that, well that was what had me truly dumbstruck.
The open plan family room was visible beyond the table and it was stunning.
Cal urged me forwards and I was like an owl as we walked forwards, my head turning side to side, just trying to take everything in.
The room was vast, zoned into areas with the furniture.
The lounge area had luxurious and inviting looking leather sofas, all surrounding a large coffee table, before which sat a vast fireplace with a roaring fire lit.
It looked like a real log fire with a cast iron fender, but I suspected it was actually a living flame fire, like the one I loved downstairs.
Two beautiful chunky bookcases had been built into the alcoves at each side of the chimney breast and they were filled with books.
Off to the right was a dining area, with a large eight seat dining table.
All of the furniture was white, and in a classic, timeless style that I loved.
It wasn’t too modern. It just felt warm and comforting.
The kitchen area was at the back, and it was a good size, with white shaker style cabinets and chunky dark wood counter tops.
There was a breakfast bar, around which sat five comfortable looking tall chairs, upholstered in the same fabric as the cushions on the sofa, and the heavy curtains at the windows.
And the windows. They had been replaced, almost the entire side wall of that enormous space covered with panoramic picture windows that allowed so much light into the space and gave us a beautiful view over Kensington.
The older, sash windows were on the other walls of the space and it was so bright and beautiful.
The walls were painted in varying shades of grey that made the whole place feel warm and in keeping with the age of the house, without being too imposing.
It was like a home tucked inside the home I already loved, and it was perfect. It was as though Rafe had plucked these images of my dream home from my head and had them realised.
“There’s underfloor heating, as well as central heating in every room, including the utility room, just off of the kitchen. Hopefully, it’ll be warmer than the drafty rooms downstairs,” Rafe said, and I looked at the floor for the first time.
It was light wood parquet, and I loved it so much. The whole place was a piece of me, in keeping with and respectful of the history of the house as much as possible, while also being modern enough to be comfortable. It was so warm and welcoming. It already felt like home.
Arran made a slow whistle and I looked over to him where he stood looking as shocked as I felt.
“You’ve been busy, Rafe,” he told my brother.
“I had time,” Rafe said with a shrug. “And many work men. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy scaring the shit out of every one of them.”
“You didn’t!” I laughed.
“You know terrorising people is my favourite pastime, Cara,” he told me with a smirk.
“It seems secure, but I want to run my own checks,” Dante grumbled, but there was almost a smile on his face as he glanced all around himself.
“Run all of the checks you want, but any changes come through me. This is still my home and I take my responsibility of keeping you all safe very seriously,” Rafe reminded them all. “Especially my sister.”
“We all take it seriously when it comes to Cara,” Dante argued.
“Glad to hear it,” Rafe nodded approvingly.
“You’ve thought of everything, Rafe. Thanks, man. It’s an amazing place,” Cal cut in from where he stood by a small study area with more bookshelves and a built in desk. It would be perfect for Cal to study, and me too.
“Aye. I agree. This’ll definitely work fer us all. Cheers, pal,” Arran added.
“What do you think, baby?” Dio asked me as he came to my side and placed his hand at the small of my back.
“I love it,” I squeaked out, trying not to allow tears to escape. “I’m so overwhelmed right now, but it’s perfect, Rafe. It’s like my dream home.”
“Then we’ll stay,” Dante announced absolutely, like he had the final say in the decision.
“Did we have a back up plan I didnae know about, lad?” Arran chuckled.
“That means he likes it, Rafe,” I hurried to add, not wanting Rafe to be offended.
“I got that, sweetheart,” Rafe replied with a smile. “Do you think you can be comfortable here? I had your room recreated on the floor below if you need the familiarity of it. It’s exactly as it was, just in case. I know change can unsettle you.”
“You really are the best big brother in the world,” I uttered as the tears slipped free, my emotions overflowing at Rafe doing something so insane just to be sure I had a comfortable place to sleep that night.
“He’s making us look bad,” Cal chuckled.
“Huh. I didn’t even consider that when I did all of this, but making you all look bad might be a fun hobby, for a while at least,” Rafe joked, or at least I hoped he was joking.
“Rafe!” I scolded him playfully and he just rolled his eyes at me.
His issues with my relationship seemed to be resolved, and him giving us that place felt like it cemented that fact, but Rafe still loved to give them all a hard time, playing up to his part as the intimidating brother-in-law, and enjoying every second of it.
“I’m within my rights to fuck with them. It’s my big brotherly duty to give them shit, Gioia,” he told me.
“And we’re within our rights to give it right back. Don’t worry, Piccola. We all give as good as we get,” Dio told me.
I found myself smiling through my tears as I looked around at them all. The moment couldn’t have been any more perfect. I was surrounded by the people I loved, in a beautiful, safe place, and I felt peace. So much peace.
“You aren’t allowed to abandon me now you have this place though, Cara. I’d like to keep up our ritual of eating together once a day, if we can,” Rafe said, and I turned back to him and nodded.
“I’m not going anywhere. You’re my light too, brother, and I need you in my life as much as I can have you there,” I admitted as I approached him.
“Good.” He pulled me close and hugged me tight.
“I’m happy,” I whispered from where my head rested against his chest.
“I know,” he replied. “That’s what I was hoping for. You haven’t even seen the upstairs yet though.”
“I already know it’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Stop bloody thanking me. Making you smile is part of my role as big brother too.”
“You’re pretty good at it,” I assured him.
“I’m getting better,” he hedged. “Now, why don’t you grab your merry men and head upstairs to look at the rest? I have an online meeting in fifteen minutes, so I’ll have to make myself scarce.”
“Dinner?” I asked.
“Terza’s making a feast. See you there?”
“Definitely,” I agreed as I released him.
He told the others he needed to leave, then he was gone, closing the door behind him and leaving us all in the silence of our new home.
“We should have carried Cara over the threshold, shouldn’t we?” Dante questioned from nowhere, making us all laugh out loud.
“I think you do that after we get married, Dante,” I informed him.
“Do you want to do that?” he asked.
“Do not answer that, gorgeous,” Cal called immediately.
“Why not? I want to know,” Dante argued.
“It’s no’ exactly the way we thought we’d propose to our lass, Dante. It usually calls fer a wee bit more romance, and a special moment,” Arran told him with a huge grin on his face.
“We just got a new home. It’s special enough,” Dante shrugged.
“Rest assured, baby, Dante will never be allowed to plan our proposal, or any other romantic event in our lives,” Dio told me as he rubbed at the bridge of his nose like he was stressed out.
“You plan to propose?” I asked, not that I was really that shocked.
We could never marry properly, not legally anyway, not all of us, but I would like to do something to mark our commitment to each other. I wanted their ring on my finger, and mine on theirs.
“We love you and want you to be ours forever. Of course we plan to propose,” Cal told me plainly.
“I already did it,” Dante rumbled, and they all just groaned.
“How about we all just enjoy our first home together for now?” I suggested with an affectionate smile aimed at Dante, who still looked confused as to why he wasn’t getting the answer he wanted.
“I think we can live wi’ that fer now, lass, but no’ fer long,” Arran answered.
“He’s right. We’ll be making you ours before an audience soon enough,” Dio agreed.
“No arguments from me,” I told them happily. “I can’t wait for the day the world knows we belong to each other.”
“What the hell are we waiting for then?” Cal asked animatedly.
“A special fucking moment, apparently. Bullshit if you ask me. I asked her. All she has to do is say yes,” Dante grumbled.
I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him until he softened, the way he always did for me.
Eventually he got sick of leaning down to hold me, his back likely hurting with our vast height difference, and he picked me up.
I wrapped myself around him, looping my arms around his neck.
The others had drifted off to check out the size of the refrigerator, already planning for us all to go grocery shopping together.
“I want you to be mine, love,” Dante told me when his eyes met my own.
“I already am.”
“I want more. I don’t understand why that can’t just be our proposal. I could book the wedding for tomorrow. You’d be ours in twenty four hours. Don’t you want that?”
“Yes, but I think the others have a more elaborate proposal planned and I don’t want to take that from them.”
“Then at least just tell me. Give me an answer. At least I’ll know while I wait for those arseholes to make some flowers and candle bullshit special moment.”
“You already know my answer, Dante. I love you. I never want to be without any of you ever again. I am yours, as much as you’re all mine.”
“So that’s a yes?” he pushed.
“If I say it is, are you going to demand we get married tomorrow?”
“Not unless that’s what you want,” he replied.
I leaned in and pressed my lips over his, kissing him softly and slowly.
In seconds he took control of the moment, increasing the heat, moving me where he wanted me until we were both breathless.
I smiled at him and pulled back enough to move to his ear.
Cupping my hand around it, I whispered one word.
“Hey!” Dante called loudly the second the word left my lips. “Fuck your perfect moment proposal. Who knows the number of an officiant?”
“Dante!” I gasped, but nothing could take the smile from my face.
I was home, surrounded by love, safety, and happiness.
I had everything I could ever want, and the strength I needed to fight like hell to make sure I got to keep it.
The pieces I had lost over so many years, had been outweighed by the pieces I had gained, and somewhere along the way, I had become whole.
I had found peace. I couldn’t wait to see where the future took us all.