Chapter 7 Hannah
HANNAH
Why is Thomas texting me? My heart flutters steadily in my chest as I read over our messages thus far. I thought the conversation was at a natural end, but he just sent another text.
Thomas
Ivy Days is next weekend. Are you going to go to any of the events?
My stomach swoops. Why is he asking? The little voice in the back of my mind reminds me not to overthink it. I’ve always wanted a reason to go to more events at Ivy Days, but always talked myself out of it, besides the craft fair with my grandma.
Me
Maybe? My Grandma likes to go to the craft fair, so I’ll probably take her. I’m also a bit of an old lady and like the craft fair as well, and antiques. I don’t typically go to the street dance or anything, though.
Thomas
You should. It’s a good time. Even if you go just for the band. You don’t even have to dance.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
Me
Maybe. I’ll think about it.
Let’s be honest. I won’t go, even if I want to. I would love to go to the street dance with him. It sounds like fun, I just don’t know if I would actually be able to go. My brain might shut down, tell me lies about myself, and make it so I’m too anxious to go.
It’s happened anytime I’ve tried to go on a date. Once, I tried to meet up with a guy who was super nice. We’d been talking for a few weeks after matching on a dating app, and he invited me to coffee.
I was so anxious that I got so nauseous I puked on the way there.
I had to pull over and throw up on the side of the road.
I got vomit in my hair. I called Julia sobbing, and bailed on the date, asking for a rain check as I wasn’t feeling well.
He ghosted me the next week. I get it. It’s not fun to be bailed on at the last minute, and he probably thought I was lying.
Thomas
Seriously, I hear the band is super good this year.
I can be your dancing buddy
This is escalating way too fast. Is he asking me on a date? There’s no way. He’s probably simply being friendly. Even if I think Thomas is hot as hell, there’s no way I could ever have a shot with him.
Crap, and now I’ve been staring at my screen for so long, he probably thinks I forgot to reply, or am ignoring him. Do I flirt? I don’t know how to flirt. Maybe I need to call Julia.
Me
Haha, I’m sure it’s fun
That was chill, right? Kind of a non-answer? Oh, who am I kidding? I need my sister. I swipe out of the messages with Thomas, and open Julia’s contact, calling her. I put the call on speaker and wait. Thankfully, she answers on the third ring.
“Hey, Han, what’s up?” her familiar voice chimes.
“Oh thank god,” I breathe. “I need help.”
“What’s going on? Is Grandma okay?” Instantly, her voice grows wary.
“She’s fine.” I wave off her words. “I don’t even know what’s happening right now, but Thomas Cunningham is texting me, and I need help interpreting the messages.”
“He’s texting you?” she shrieks, her voice growing louder with each word.
“Yes! Now, shut up so I can read you these messages.”
“Okay, okay,” she says, lowering her voice and listening as I read our conversation thus far.
The bubbles appear again as I reach the bottom message, the one I sent most recently. “He’s replying,” I say with an anxious whine.
“Han, I totally think he’s interested in you!”
“No!” I shriek. “He’s not. I need you to help figure out what he’s doing, because why would he randomly be texting me?”
Julia takes a deep breath, and the exhale sends static through the line. “He’s interested in you, Han. He has to be. I know I don’t have much experience with men, but I really think that’s what it is.”
“Oh god, he replied,” I state, bile rising in my throat as I view the message.
Thomas
It’s a blast. But I’m sure it would be more fun if you were there! We could invite people from the station too, if you didn’t want it to be only us.
I read the message back to Julia. “See, he’s not interested. He’s just being a friendly guy.”
“Orrrr, he’s trying to make sure you’re comfortable. He might have caught on to the fact that you get a little nervous around people.”
“A little nervous is putting it lightly,” I say, with a hint of snark.
“Maybe you should talk to Kimberly about this,” Julia says, referring to my therapist. “She will be more help than I am.”
I groan. “I know, but I need help right now, and my next appointment isn’t for another week, Jules.”
“Okay, okay,” she concedes.
“What do I say back?”
“Well, do you want to go to the street dance with him?”
I pause for a moment. “I think I do,” I respond. “But Julia, I can’t go alone.”
“Let me check the calendar. Maybe Tiff and I can come down for the weekend.”
“Oh god, that would be amazing,” I breathe, some of my anxiety lessening. “Wait, what should I say?”
“Tell him you will go. You can do this, Hannah. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Even if he wants to see you as a friend, this will be so good for you. Exposure therapy, remember?”
I take a deep breath. “Right. Okay, I can do this.” I type out my response.
Me
That would be fun. Could I invite my sister and sister-in-law, too?
His reply is almost instant.
Thomas
Of course, the more the merrier! I’m sure my brothers will be there with their significant others.
I let out a sigh of relief. If Julia and Tiff are there, then maybe I can do this. I just need someone by my side. Right?
Me
Great, it sounds like fun.
Thomas
I think it will be.