CHAPTER 19 #2
Heather paused, still angled towards the door, then she looked briefly at the ceiling.
‘Okay, I’m telling you this because I honestly did pick up something between you two.
He seemed happier around you than I’d seen him in a long time.
You know we talked about him coming out as bisexual when we were dating – without the two of us breaking up?
He thought it would be unfair on me – no matter how much I protested, and no matter how important I thought it was for him to … I don’t know, find himself.’
Jeremy shook his head. ‘I didn’t know that.’
‘I only mention it because that kind of selflessness is always seen as a positive. But I dunno – maybe it’s a flaw. I gotta go. Good luck, Jeremy.’
Jeremy waved despondently as she left and turned back to the rest of the room.
‘Well, that was cryptic,’ Liz said. ‘Felt like a zen riddle or something.’
‘Sam has thirty oranges and is too selfless. How many oranges will Sam be carrying if he catches a train at seven pm?’ said Anna.
‘It’s okay,’ Jeremy said. ‘I was expecting too much. It was probably crazy of me to invite Heather like that.’ He sighed. ‘I just need to convince Sam I’m sorry. Maybe I could show up at his door and play music from a boombox until he forgives me?’
‘Turning up at his door didn’t go so well last time,’ Anna reminded him.
‘Who is Sam?’ Bradley whispered to Sarah-Jessica, who shrugged.
‘I literally don’t know what anyone is talking about,’ Sarah-Jessica piped up, raising her hand.
‘But I think that hot lady who just left actually has a point, because look at everything you’ve written about this guy.
’ She pointed at the binder. Jeremy had copied Sam’s spite-pie plan to such an extent that he’d photocopied the original document and written over the top.
In the key stakeholders section, he’d tried to describe Sam.
‘Blah, blah, blah, handsome , blah, blah, blah, thick meaty thighs ,’ Sarah-Jessica read. ‘And then like seven different synonyms for “kind” and “nice”.’
‘Well, he is,’ Jeremy said, staring wistfully into the distance for a second. ‘That’s how we met; he was very generous to a stranger – an unfriendly stranger at that.’
‘Yeah, but, like, isn’t that what the old lady said?’
‘She’s not old,’ Jeremy said crossly. His young staff seemed to think anyone over twenty-five deserved the orange seat on the bus.
‘Whatever: the point is maybe you could do something to show you appreciate this guy for more than just being generous and nice?’
‘That’s a good idea,’ inserted Bradley. ‘A friend of mine, Big Dick Harry, has this issue where guys only want to sleep with him because of how massive his cock is, but he also wanted someone to fall in love with his huge veiny heart too.’
‘Tale as old as time,’ Jeremy muttered – but his brain was working frenetically, and he started snapping his fingers in a way that annoyed even himself.
‘So, what if I did like … a big gesture … where instead of him helping other people, I help him? A kind of reversal, a plot twist? I could … buy him … a whole new wardrobe, because I’m great at fashion and that would be pretty generous. No, that’s stupid.’
‘It’s gotta be something meaningful to him,’ replied Anna. ‘It’s gotta be Make-A-Wish-style generosity, like something Sam’s always wanted or that would change his life.’
‘Dark analogy,’ Jeremy noted.
‘I do think you’re onto something though,’ said Sarah-Jessica, tapping away on her laptop like it was the morning pitch meeting. ‘Every good romance movie has that big moment. Any chance he’s moving to London and you can chase him through the airport and give a big speech?’
‘I agree with this too,’ said Bradley, looking briefly professional as he adjusted his glasses.
It was always weird remembering that someone who you’d seen accidentally drink cigarette butts out of an empty beer bottle also had a real-person job and knew what they were doing.
‘We deal with a lot of empty apologies in HR, so you have to work to show that you mean it.’
‘This is all good … really good,’ Jeremy said, scribbling down some utterly illegible notes. ‘Keep going!’
There was silence for a while, and when Jeremy looked up encouragingly, Liz just shrugged and drawled, ‘Only you know what would be the most meaningful and important gesture to make for Sam. Plus, I’m getting bored.’
‘Me?’ Jeremy asked stupidly. ‘What can I do?’
‘I dunno. This is veering into some aspirational bullshit. Maybe your dad will visit you in a giant cloud formation and tell you to believe in yourself.’
‘He’s not dead; he just has another family.’
‘Well, maybe they’re up there with him. Maybe there’s a whole pride march of family members in the sky who are just waiting to give you advice,’ Liz said sarcastically.
Jeremy stiffened and then abruptly grabbed Liz’s face with his hands and bent over and smooched her loudly on the forehead. ‘March!’ he said triumphantly.
‘Eww, so wet,’ she gasped, laughing.
‘You are a GENIUS!’ Jeremy yelled.
‘I know. But why specifically?’ Liz asked.
‘I know what means a lot to Sam, how to help him, and what skills I have to do it. March!’
It was lucky Jeremy had had so much practice recently with implementing insane plans with looming deadlines, because now he knew what he had to do for his grand gesture, he had a massive amount to do in a very short amount of time.
It was also lucky he hadn’t rage-quit his job at PopBuzz because the site was integral to the success of his new plan.
In the time Jeremy had known Sam, Sam had been planning and stressing and hoping about one thing. And despite Jeremy’s obsession with himself and his own nonsense, even he had eventually realised how important it was to Sam: the goddamn climate rally.
They’d discussed it so many times – Sam’s hopes, his fears, his excitement and passion for the project.
That fervent belief in something unselfish and constructive was one of the aspects of Sam’s personality that had made Jeremy fall for him in the first place, and even with his outward contempt for ‘broccoli jobs’, it had secretly made him feel bad about his own work.
Luckily, now he could use all his skills and networks and energy to make Sam’s rally a huge success.
Sam would never ask him for help, but Jeremy knew it would mean something.
Even if Sam never spoke to him again, never forgave him, at least Jeremy would go to his cold wet grave knowing he’d done something good for someone he cared about – and also the environment.
‘Right,’ Jeremy said, back in the PopBuzz office the next day, the team lounging around him with their coffees and laptops in their usual morning meeting area.
‘Something a bit different today – we’re going to make a difference.
Or more of a difference anyway. We’re gonna shine a light on climate change! ’
‘I haven’t seen it,’ said Veronica, one of the youths they paid to be on TikTok all day.
‘Climate change isn’t a TV show, it’s … the thing happening to the world,’ Jeremy clarified. ‘And it’s bad.’
‘Okay, I clearly knew that,’ Veronica scoffed. ‘It’s just that we usually cover mostly TV here, so it was an easy mistake.’
Sarah-Jessica and Aiden meanwhile were looking knowingly at him, already understanding exactly what his game was.
‘I think it’s a flagrant violation of journalistic ethics to wield your power as deputy editor like this,’ said Sasha, a little pompously.
‘But on the other hand, we should be trying to educate our audience about climate change and this rally is objectively important. I’ve already been pushing for more climate coverage. ’
‘Also, ethically, we should all try to help our boss get laid,’ added Aiden.
Jeremy had explained the entire Sam situation to the team, feeling like it was already pretty ethically dubious. Plus, he was sure they’d have all found out via gossip anyway.
‘Yikes,’ said Jeremy. ‘I’m going to get fired. Or taken to The Hague.’
The team worked hard – Jeremy was surprised to find that most of them actually enjoyed the challenge of writing about something different, and perhaps the virtue of the project was giving them new purpose also. He was taking a note for the future – maybe he’d been underestimating his team?
He was propelled by anxiety and stress and deadlines, but also the knowledge he was doing the right thing – not just because he was helping a good cause, but because Sam was the right thing for him.
It was weird not to have any doubts about that.
He had plenty of doubts about whether this plan would work, if he could pull it off, but not about Sam.
The days passed, and Jeremy was working late into the night – without being paid to, he realised grimly.
He’d become everything he hated. Sometimes he imagined he was in a film, in one of those montages where he’d wake up at his desk, glasses askew, rubbing a crick in his neck.
That was pure fiction, however; Jeremy found it hard to sleep in an actual bed, let alone in an office that smelt like old eggs.
As fast as the deadline approached, the days were conversely crawling by, the wait exacerbated by how much he missed Sam.
It was strange to think about someone every day but not be able to talk to them, not know if they hated you or were even thinking about you too. So Jeremy tried not to think about him.