Chapter 10
Ten
After leaving the couture school, Audrey had headed to another of her favourite Parisian haunts: the fabric district of Montmartre, which spread over several streets just a few steps away from the ‘big white wedding cake’, as Audrey’s mother called the Sacré-C?ur basilica, ignoring the fact that in France, anyway, wedding cakes rarely looked like that.
Unlike the hushed, serene atmosphere of the Avenue Montaigne, the fabric streets bustled with life and colour, though it was rarely on international tourist routes, unless those tourists happened to be people who loved sewing.
But the fabric district was very well known to French and international fashion professionals, theatrical and film costume designers, and interior decorators and stylists, as well as amateur dressmakers and tailors, not only from Paris but all over France.
It was not only fabrics that could be found here in every possible material, colour and print, but also buttons, embellishments of all kinds, patterns, and every possible kind of sewing paraphernalia you might want, from needles, pins and thread, to tape measures and chalks and much more.
It had never been made. She’d not had time to take the silk to someone before everything had ended with him.
But she hadn’t had the heart to get rid of the silk, or to give it away.
She’d taken it back home to Australia, and there it still lay, in its yellowing tissue paper wrapping, on top of the wardrobe in her childhood bedroom.
She hadn’t thought of it in years. But now, as she wandered down the aisles of Tissus Reine and hovered over the treasure-trove in Dam Boutons, selecting items—an eclectic handful of buttons, a pretty pincushion, some silk ribbon—as well as taking pictures and making notes on her phone, she thought it was time to do something with it.
Not give it away, but have it made into that slip her twenty-year-old self had dreamed of.
Not for a special night with James, either. But for herself.
That thought felt good somehow, as if it was a gesture towards exorcising a past that was threatening to become altogether too present.
Her friend Kristy, who was of the some-things-are-meant-to-happen school of thought, would say the universe was giving her a message that she had never had proper closure about Alex, and that now was the time to find it before she embarked on a lifelong commitment with James.
But never mind the universe, she thought, it was only because of her book that she’d been in that street at that particular time when he’d come out of that building.
And it was only because of her book that she’d been at Romy’s school and had learned who she was.
Ha, Kristy would say, that proves it. Two very strong messages from the universe, using your book as an instrument of fate!
That thought made her smile, because she could see her friend’s bright face, a half-earnest, half-cheeky expression on it as she expounded on a ridiculous yet oddly compelling theory.
Despite the thousands of kilometres that separated them physically, and their very different lifestyles—Kristy lived deep in rural Victoria with her kids and hippie partner, Sam—the two women had stayed close, even while time and life changes had eroded ties with other friends.
They talked often and caught up in person every time Audrey was back in Australia to visit her family.
The most recent time, James had come along too.
She and Kristy could talk to each other freely, in a way that Audrey didn’t really share with anyone else, including James.
Her own family was loving, warm and supportive, but she didn’t talk about the same kinds of things with them that she did with Kristy.
Or maybe she did, but in a different way.
Audrey checked the time. It would be nearly 11 pm in Victoria, but she knew Kristy went to bed late. Going over to a quiet corner of the store, she brought up her number. To her delight, Kristy answered almost on the first ring.
‘Hey, you!’
‘Hay is for horses, remember,’ Audrey said, smiling, repeating the absurd dictum of a crusty old teacher they’d both had in the early years of primary school.
‘Oh God, don’t remind me of that old killjoy,’ Kristy said.
In the background, Audrey could hear a child’s voice raised loudly.
Surely the kids should be in bed by now?
Still, what did she know—she didn’t have kids, nor was she likely to have any now.
James, who was ten years older than her, already had a grown-up son from whom he was estranged and he wasn’t keen on repeating the childrearing experience.
As to Audrey, she was a loving and beloved aunt to her siblings’ kids and enjoyed playing with Kristy’s noisy trio, too.
But she’d made her peace with not having her own children.
Besides, as James had pointed out, forty was not the best age to start thinking about a baby, especially as her career was about to take an unpredictable new direction with the book.
‘Is this an okay time to ring? Or do you want me to call back when it’s morning at yours?’ Audrey asked.
Kristy scoffed. ‘Get on with it, Aud. You know you want to. What’s up?’
Straight to the point as ever. Audrey took a deep breath. ‘Something rather disturbing’s happened,’ she began. ‘I ran into Alex again, by chance, on the street where I intended to do some research.’
‘Uh-oh,’ Kristy said, with feeling. She didn’t need to be reminded who Alex was. She’d helped pick up the pieces of Audrey’s shattered heart after the breakup. ‘So, did you deck him?’
Audrey smiled despite herself. ‘Course not. I just stammered something at him, he did the same to me, and then we took off in opposite directions.’
Kristy gave a small laugh, then immediately said, ‘Sorry, that just slipped out. But hell, Aud, that must have been a shock.’
‘You’re telling me! But that’s not all. Just today, when I was on a visit to a couture school, I met his niece.’
‘No!’ Kristy cried.
‘Yes! Bloody crazy, I know, what are the odds and all that, but anyway, she has no idea who I am—I mean, in terms of her uncle. She’s a couture student and she’s read my work and likes it and would you believe it, one of my articles actually inspired her to throw in her old job and go for her dream of being a designer. ’
‘Oh. Holy crap, that must seriously be doing your head in.’
‘Understatement of the century,’ Audrey said. ‘And I’m not sure what to do about it.’
‘Do?’ Kristy echoed. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I mean, it feels like I ought to … try and get closure, or something.’
‘Okay,’ Kristy said, drawing the word out slowly. ‘How?’
‘I don’t know. But if I don’t do something’—she paused, swallowing—‘I feel like this shadow is going to be over me forever.’
‘Oh, darling girl,’ Kristy said, gently.
‘I understand, I do. But what do you think is going to happen if you did do something? That guy broke you into tiny little pieces for quite a while, remember. You put yourself back together well, yes, but judging by what it sounds like now, just seeing him randomly in the street and meeting his niece has already sent you into a tailspin, so what do you think it’s going to be like if you actually take it further? ’
This was not at all the reaction Audrey had anticipated from Kristy, but instead of wrong-footing her, it had the effect of clearing her mind.
‘Look,’ she said, ‘those random things threw me because I didn’t expect them.
They were thrust on me. But if I take it into my own hands now, if I make the next and final thing happen on my own terms, if I arrange to meet him somewhere I can control, then I will be able to lay that ghost to rest once and for all.
I will know for sure that he no longer means anything to me. I will be free. Do you see?’
‘I do, but—’ Kristy broke off. ‘It’s high-risk, in my opinion, but if you think it will work then you should give it a go. It might turn out badly. But if you are prepared for that …’
‘I am,’ Audrey said firmly, knowing that was true. ‘I’m much stronger than I was at twenty. I just don’t want this to be even a tiny cloud at the back of my mind—not anymore. And that’s not to do with marrying James. It’s to do with my own peace of mind.’
‘I get that,’ said Kristy. ‘And as to James—well, you need to be sure there, too.’ Her voice held a hint of something Audrey didn’t want to face just then.
‘I am sure,’ she protested too quickly, suppressing the inner whisper of doubt that had been prickling at her for some time now.
‘Okay,’ said Kristy, not sounding convinced. ‘Anyway, regarding Alex, I think that if you don’t do what you plan, you’ll regret it for sure. Although, of course,’ she added, ‘you may also regret it if you do go ahead with it.’
‘I accept that,’ said Audrey. ‘And thanks, Kristy. It’s really helped, talking with you.’
‘Pleased to be of service,’ Kristy said. ‘Keep me up to date, won’t you?’