In the Same Boat

Chapter 17

SAMMIE

It’s a poor do when you’ve got to go out into the middle of the open water to get a bit of privacy – or to do a bit of plotting – but here we are.

Hank suggested we take the boat out, to ‘stretch her legs’ and so that we could have a bit of a swim and a sunbathe away from the marina.

‘Just for a few hours,’ he said cheerfully, before demanding Nico take the wheel because he’d already had a drink. ‘A little cruise, anchor somewhere nice, have a swim. Make the most of the weather.’

But now here we are, Mum and Hank happily sitting on the deck taking in the rays, while Nico and I are out in the open water trying to come up with a better plan than waiting for a shark to eat us.

I can see, even from out here in the water, that my mum is positively glowing. She’s wearing a white linen shirt over her swimsuit, sunglasses pushed onto her head, looking like a retired movie star. Hank is beside her in navy shorts and a polo shirt, giving big investment-banker-abroad vibes.

We’re far enough away from the yacht that we can talk, but not too far out that they can’t see us.

I’m a good swimmer, but I’ve got a sort of half rubber ring pool toy with me, whereas Nico is treading water in front of me to keep his head above the surface.

Monte Carlo looks unreal from the water. The buildings climb the hillside in imperfect layers, their windows catching the sun.

‘We need to up our game,’ I blurt, safe in the knowledge no one can hear us.

‘You said that already.’

‘Yes, well, we have new information now,’ I point out. ‘They’re not put off by us playing at being a couple. They find it sweet – in fact, they’re encouraging it. We need to pivot, to make them uncomfortable.’

‘Define uncomfortable…’

‘Like deeply, physically uncomfortable with us being here, to the point where they want us to go…’

‘So…?’

‘So we get physical.’

His eyebrows shoot up.

‘Not like that,’ I say quickly. ‘I meant the performance. We make the fake relationship more… overt.’

‘Overt…’

He looks like he finds the whole thing hilarious. Presumably because it’s silly and not because he thinks me and him getting it on is a hilarious concept.

He looks towards Mum and Hank, who are currently laughing at something. Mum has one hand on Hank’s forearm now. He’s gazing back at her…

‘They’re so happy,’ he points out.

‘And we’re so miserable,’ I reply. ‘So let’s make it weird, so we can go home.’

They’re almost too happy. Hank gestures wildly as he talks, and Mum’s smile stays firmly in place even when she looks away. He leans down to say something quieter, and she laughs again. It seems like they’re flirting…

It makes me feel, I don’t know, kind of sad, kind of hopeful – I don’t want this to end badly for my mum, but I really, really don’t want to be here.

‘So… you want me to get handsy with you?’ he checks.

I splash him.

‘No, I don’t want you to,’ I say firmly. ‘But… I maybe need you to. For the plan.’

‘Any excuse,’ he says, swimming a little closer. ‘So… do you want to take the lead?’

I move my body up against his, hooking my arms around his neck. With my inflatable, we both just bounce there, our bodies intertwined, my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist – probably not necessary, they can’t see under the water, but it makes it easier to hold position.

‘Okay,’ Nico says. ‘Sexy and convincing enough for you?’

‘I’m sure it looks convincing from a distance,’ I reply.

That’s all I’m willing to say but, if I’m being honest, it feels convincing.

If I can pretend for a second that this isn’t Nico I’m connected at the crotch with, if I tell myself it’s just a man, maybe one I actually want – let’s shoot for the moon – Jake Gyllenhaal, or someone, then just between us, it’s been a long time since I was this intimate with a man, and there’s a lot to like about it.

He glances towards the yacht, where Mum and Hank are sitting, definitely watching us while pretending not to.

‘They’re looking,’ he says softly, turning back to me.

‘Of course they are.’

‘Are you going to do something?’ he asks.

‘Do you think we need to do more?’

He shrugs as his expression changes slightly. I don’t know to what, but it feels like just enough to make me wonder.

‘Relax,’ he tells me.

‘I am relaxed,’ I reply – admittedly not sounding all that relaxed.

I loosen my grip on him to place my hands on the sides of his face. I lean in a little closer, looking deep into his eyes.

‘See, I’m relaxed…’

‘You’re looking at me like I’m a pipe…’

I raise an eyebrow.

‘A work pipe,’ he clarifies.

‘Is that what you think my job is?’ I laugh.

‘Because you have such a clear vision of mine.’

‘I think I do,’ I insist.

‘Hmm.’

He grins at me.

‘Kiss me,’ I blurt. ‘I mean, pretend to kiss me.’

‘Erm, I think they’ll be able to tell if we’re faking it… Not that I’m suggesting we do it for real.’

‘Twirl me around,’ I say. ‘Turn me away from them, lean in, and let their imagination do the work.’

‘Yes, miss,’ he jokes.

We angle ourselves so Mum and Hank can only see enough to make the obvious assumptions from a distance. Nico lifts one hand to my wet hair, brushing it back from my cheek, and my body reacts so quickly I feel genuinely betrayed by it.

We’re acting, this is just another strategy, a way to get ourselves kicked off this holiday.

I don’t know what will happen between Mum and Hank; as much as I want Mum to be happy, I am hoping things will fizzle out between them.

It’s too much, too quickly. They’re jumping in at the deep end, and that never goes well for anyone, does it?

But, either way, I want out. Even if it’s only a temporary measure.

I’ll cross other bridges when I get to them.

Nico leans in, not fully, his mouth not quite reaching mine. He’s just close enough that from the yacht it probably looks like a kiss, his face near mine, his hand at the back of my neck now.

‘How long do we hold this?’ he asks quietly.

‘How long can you last?’ I can’t help but tease.

His mouth is very close to mine. Far too close for teetering on the edge of flirtation like that. What the hell am I doing?

‘You’re the project manager,’ he reminds me. ‘What’s next?’

What is next? I don’t know, I’m detached from my senses.

I’m thinking about how warm his hand feels against my neck despite the water.

How still we’ve both gone all of a sudden.

How not quite kissing someone is somehow more effective foreplay than actually seeing it through, because this is weirdly hot for some reason.

I suppose, when you hate someone, and it’s just a clash of personalities, there’s nothing morally objectionable about them, then… I don’t know, there’s something kind of sexy about the idea of sleeping with the enemy, just… banging it out of your system.

Then Hank whoops from the other side of the swim platform.

‘Looking good, you two!’ he calls out.

We spring apart so quickly that a splash of water goes up my nose, making me cough.

‘Get a room,’ Hank adds – original.

I look over and see Mum smiling too.

‘They’re not appalled, they’re happy, we’re practically shagging in the sea and they’re happy,’ I blurt.

Nico laughs, which isn’t helpful.

‘Don’t.’

‘I didn’t say anything.’

‘Your face did,’ I reply.

‘Try to relax,’ he says again.

Nico pulls me through the water by both hands, spinning me in a slow circle. I wrap my arms loosely around his neck again.

‘Give it time, they’ll come around…’

‘Do you think?’ I reply.

From a distance, it probably looks romantic. Kind of raunchy maybe but not in a way that bothers them.

Weirdly it seems like the only person getting rattled here is me. Our parents are having a lovely time, Nico finds it funny, and then there’s me, getting my bikini in a twist. The only person I’m having on is myself.

Eventually we drift back towards the yacht, where Mum and Hank are sitting on the swim platform looking so pleased with themselves that I immediately know we’ve failed.

‘You two seemed to enjoy yourselves finally,’ Mum says.

I climb the ladder with as much dignity as a wet woman can manage and accept a towel from her.

‘You look like you’re having a great time too,’ I counter.

‘Very much,’ Hank says, grinning.

We spend the rest of the afternoon on the deck, drying in the sun while Hank makes some sandwiches. He’s inside with Mum who is reading a paperback she can’t be all that into, because it seems like she’s looking at him more than she is the pages. It would be cute were I not in my own personal hell.

Nico and I end up on loungers a few feet apart, sunglasses on, pretending to relax while acknowledging our tactical failures.

‘So that didn’t work.’

‘No,’ I reply.

‘If anything, I think they liked it,’ Nico says, stating the obvious.

‘Hmm, I got that too,’ I reply. ‘Disturbing really…’

He laughs. Then…

‘Look at them,’ he says quietly.

I do. Hank is pointing something out ahead.

Mum is smiling as she follows his finger.

They look so easy together. Maybe too easy for two people who have known each other such a short time, but then again, what do I know?

I’ve spent years trying to figure out what I want. Maybe I’ll know when I find it too?

‘We can’t break that up, can we?’ I say.

Nico looks at me.

‘I know that’s not what we’re trying to do now,’ I add quickly. ‘I know. I just mean… we can’t ruin this trip for them.’

His expression softens, like for a moment he forgets how to be a dick.

‘Can’t we just leave?’ he replies. ‘Leave them to it? My dad said he wanted me here but…’

His voice trails off.

‘My mum said she wouldn’t be here without me, so short of getting kicked off, I don’t know what we can do – we’re not making them feel uncomfortable.’

‘So let’s make them feel inferior,’ Nico says, a grin spreading across his face as his master plan forms. ‘There’s no way they can compete with us, if we ramp up the romance, the perfection – they’ll want us gone so we stop showing them up.’

‘What do you mean?’ I ask.

‘If my dad thinks I’m treating you better than he’s treating Chrissy it will get in his head,’ Nico says. ‘I know my dad, he’ll hate it.’

‘I don’t know if that will work on my mum…’

‘It doesn’t have to,’ Nico insists. ‘My dad will tell her he wants us gone, he wants to be alone, and if they’re comfortable enough with each other they won’t care.’

I smile. That could actually work.

‘So, how do we do both?’ I reply.

‘We make them dinner,’ he suggests. ‘Tonight, we cook together, make them something special, give them an absolute dream of an evening – all the while showing them how perfect we are.’

‘We can give off perfect vibes?’ I reply, not sure he can.

‘When you’re faking it, anything is possible,’ he insists.

I open my mouth to say something cheeky. He rolls his eyes like he was expecting it, so I keep my comments to myself.

‘I suppose that could work,’ I say. ‘Do we need some sort of boundaries, or…’

‘Of course it could work,’ he replies. ‘If I can get a platinum trophy for War Zombies 2, I can do this.’

That means nothing to me, but I laugh.

‘And as for boundaries, I’m game for anything that will work. Your mum said you can cook, right?’

‘I mean, yeah, enough, but she was bigging me up for some reason,’ I say honestly. ‘You’re a liability in the kitchen, right?’

‘Something like that,’ he replies. ‘But we can pull this off together, can’t we? If you can sort dinner, I can make the deck romantic, we’ll make things so good they’ll be begging us to go to bed and leave them alone.’

I scrunch up my nose.

‘Yeah, I guess,’ I say eventually. ‘You really think they’ll want us gone?’

‘Isn’t it worth a shot?’ he replies. ‘And do you have anything better to do?’

‘Then let’s do it,’ I say. ‘But if that doesn’t work?’

‘I suppose, you never know, they might think we’re so in love they actually decide to step aside for us, to let us crazy kids have the place to ourselves…’

‘And then?’

‘And then you can go,’ he says. He winces slightly. ‘I didn’t mean… I mean, you’re free to leave, they’ll go somewhere else, you can actually have a holiday without parent-sitting.’

‘Sounds good,’ I say with a sigh.

Soon enough, we’re heading back towards Monte Carlo. At least we have a plan. Nico and I will head to the supermarket, pick up supplies, and I’ll knock together… I don’t know, I’ll see what seems possible when I get there and take a look around.

I don’t know if it’s getting any easier to fake it with Nico – if anything, it might be getting harder.

Nico’s shoulder brushes mine as the boat shifts slightly, and neither of us moves away immediately.

‘Whatever we do, it needs to work,’ I tell him.

‘Agreed.’

‘Because we have made things so much more complicated,’ I continue.

‘It’ll be okay,’ he reassures me, taking my hand in his for a second, giving it a squeeze.

‘Aww, love’s young dream,’ Mum says as she and Hank join us outside.

‘We were thinking,’ I start, ignoring her comment. ‘How about Nico and me make dinner for you guys tonight?’

‘Just… for us?’ Mum checks.

‘For the four of us,’ Nico says. ‘A romantic dinner for four.’

‘If you’re cooking, I’m not sure how romantic it will be,’ Hank jokes.

‘Oh, don’t worry, I can handle this one,’ I say and, I don’t know what comes over me, but I place a hand on Nico’s bum and give it a squeeze.

Well, he did say he was game for anything…