Chapter 7 #3
I sometimes call her Professor, just to tease her, but I suspect she actually likes it.
She’s just started a PhD in something to do with identifying and curing heart disease at St George’s, so she’ll probably make it to becoming a real professor one day.
How we ended up in the same nuclear family is an absolute mystery to me.
‘I’d just rather no one hears you call me that. It makes me sound so young and – na?ve,’ she mutters.
I frown at her. ‘Anyone in particular?’ I ask, sensing from the stiffness of her posture that she’s putting on a front for someone here.
She looks for a moment as if she battling with herself about whether or not to ask me something. Obviously, her curiosity wins out, because she blurts, ‘How well do you know Alessandro Ricci?’
‘Are you asking whether I’ve slept with him?’ I ask her, amused.
Sandro is minor Italian royalty, and your classic shockingly handsome alpha-male playboy. As far as I can tell he’s totally self-absorbed, and a bit on the dim side – the last man I’d expect Juno to be interested in.
The couple of boyfriends she’s had in the past have been beta, to say the least. Maybe even gamma.
Juno is a very pretty woman, now she’s grown into her looks, but she’s never seemed very interested in men.
Being smart is much more important to her than being beautiful – and fair play to her, I say.
Juno shoots me an uncomfortable grimace. ‘Well… er… yes, I suppose that is what I mean.’
She’s smitten, I realise, so I decide to go easy on her.
‘No, I’ve never slept with him – much to my regret.’ I flash her a wry smile, which she has trouble returning. Her face is really flushed now, and she’s not meeting my eyes.
‘My friend Sara’s been in love with him for years – unrequited,’ I hastily add, when I see Juno’s face fall, ‘so I’ve always avoided him. Friends are much more important than a quick fling with a sexy but ultimately throwaway man.’
Juno’s gaze flicks to mine, and I’m surprised to see relief in her eyes.
‘You really like him, huh?’ I ask gently.
She shrugs stiffly, looking really awkward now. ‘He fascinates me, that’s all.’
‘So that uni lecturer isn’t on your radar any more?’ I tease.
She’s talked about this guy – Adam – so much I feel like I know him, though we’ve never met. She’s never admitted it, but it’s clear Juno had a humongous crush on him for the whole of her MA year, and never plucked up the courage to ask him out.
Could this be what her questions about Sandro are about? Finding courage? Or, more to the point, finding someone to give her some? The guy is famous for his bedroom antics, and apparently a fantastic lover, so that would fit.
She shifts on the spot, her face flushing even more, if that’s possible. ‘Adam… er… isn’t very interested in me. He thinks I’m too young for him and…’ She pauses and swallows. ‘And too innocent.’
I let out a short, sharp laugh. ‘Are you telling me he’s knocked you back because you’re a virgin?’
She definitely can’t look at me now. Instead, she nods her head solemnly.
‘Argh, forget about him, Ju, he sounds like a loser. Any guy should consider himself hugely privileged to be with you. And who cares whether you’re a virgin anyway? It’s not like there isn’t an easy fix for that.’
‘For someone like you, maybe,’ she mutters. ‘But I have no idea how to approach a man and ask him to have sex with me.’
‘Is that why you’re interested in Sandro?’ I ask, interested to see whether my earlier guess will be confirmed.
Juno sighs and rubs her hand over her face, as if she’s exhausted by the whole thing now. ‘I know. It’s a ridiculous idea.’
‘Not necessarily,’ I say gently. ‘You could ask him.’ I put a reassuring hand on her arm, feeling the heat of her humiliation burning through the thin fabric of her crêpe top. ‘He’d be crazy to say no. It’d be a huge privilege to sleep with someone as fabulous as you.’
She gives me a wan, wobbly smile. ‘That’s really kind, Maya, but I don’t think I’d have the confidence to go through with it anyway.’
‘Of course you would!’ I say with vehemence. ‘You go for what you want, Ju. You’ve got to get out there and make things happen for yourself, at least that’s been my experience.’
I think back to the way I lay down on Ben’s desk and demanded that he made me come, feeling the heat of my desire for him swoop through me.
Why can’t I get him out of my head? We’ve fucked multiple times now.
Done the deed, fulfilled the need. Surely I’ve had enough of him now to allow me to turn my affections to someone new.
It’s always been the case with partners in the past.
‘Maybe you’re right,’ she says, her voice uncertain.
I look over towards where Ben is now talking to April.
She’s as elegant and put-together-looking as ever, with her sleek baby-blonde hair pulled into a neat chignon and her coldly beautiful face perfectly but subtly made-up.
I stiffen as I watch him give her a really warm smile that makes his eyes shine.
His body language is showing he’s way too interested in her for my liking.
My stomach lurches and I feel lightheaded as a wave of sickness washes through me.
I could never hope to compete with April – I just don’t do refined – and she’s exactly the sort of woman I’d expect someone like Ben to want as a long-term partner. I know for sure that it would please my father if the two of them got together.
‘My advice though, Ju, is to not fall for powerful alpha men,’ I add to my little sister. ‘They’re nothing but trouble.’
Juno must have heard the weird wobble in my voice because she turns to look at me.
‘You okay, Maya?’
‘I’m fine,’ I say brightly.
Because I am.
I’m always fine.
‘Time to fill my boots with 40 per cent alcohol, though,’ I say with a grin.
She rolls her eyes at me – she’s not a drinker, my sensible little sister – and gives me a dismissive wave before wandering off.
I turn back to look over to where Ben is still talking to April, his statuesque figure standing out like a beacon in a sea of uniformity.
I’m hyper aware that there’s something very wrong about the way I’m feeling. But it’s okay. I’m okay.
I take a breath.
I don’t need him. I’ll be fine without him.
Absolutely fine.