Chapter 2
Two
Eventually you’ll realize you can’t outrun it. Not forever. Certain things only God can heal.
Noah’s own words to Liam last month taunted him as his boots hammered the beaten-down trail.
Each step sent up a puff of dust in the pale morning light.
The air bit at his lungs and was sharp with juniper and distant woodsmoke.
Sweat chilled on his skin despite the exertion, his gray shirt clinging to his back.
The canyon yawned to his right, a vast chasm of layered rock—a reminder of how easily things could slip away.
Meg’s face haunted him—pale, hollow-eyed, with her hands shaking as she pressed them to Lydia’s still chest.
He knew that look. The devastation. The self-blame. He’d worn it himself.
Her soft voice in the cave echoed in his memory. And you believed that?
And his confession. I did.
He’d never been that open with anyone. Because he had believed it. Right up until the moment the doctor had come to him in that sterile hospital hallway and told him his wife Mary was gone. That his unborn daughter, Penelope, was gone. Everything good in his life was gone.
He pushed harder with his legs burning. Memories of Mary surfaced unbidden—her laughter, bright and infectious. The fact that he was supposed to drive her to her appointment that day. Him getting called to work because a big account was on the line.
The crash. The silence that followed. The phone call that shattered everything.
Lydia’s death wasn’t on Meg. But Mary’s? That was on him.
That truth gnawed at him—raw and relentless.
Control freak?
Maybe. But if he didn’t protect those who were important to him, who would?
God?
Nope.
He still couldn’t believe he’d told Meg about taking Ezra into the cave. Then again, he’d only focused on the good parts. He’d skipped the part where he still had nightmares of being trapped in there.
Correction—that Ezra was trapped in there. That he couldn’t save him.
No doubt that was why the story had come to mind. Because yesterday he’d been living his nightmare and watching another person he cared about trapped without a way to help.
That was why he hadn’t wanted her to go into the cave to begin with. He might not be careful enough with his own life and throw himself into every dangerous situation, but those he loved—
The word hit him in the chest like a physical blow.
His steps faltered.
Surely he couldn’t be in love with Meg.
His phone buzzed against his hip. He slowed, his chest heaving, and fumbled it out, squinting at the screen.
Will.
Noah’s thumb hovered over the green button. He answered and pressed the phone to his ear. “What happened? Is Becca all right? The pregnancy?”
“Becca and the baby are fine. Still a few weeks from due date. I’m good too, other than the fact that my brother-in-law hasn’t been returning my calls.” Will’s words were light and casual. But Noah caught the edge underneath.
Noah rubbed the back of his neck. The slightest indent still on his ring finger caught his eye—a ghost of what used to be. “Everything here is…crazy.” He glanced at the canyon.
“I saw the news about the earthquake. Between that and the gold, you guys seem to be making the news regularly. Been searching for the treasure?” Will’s laugh carried through the line.
Noah’s jaw clenched. “Absolutely not. I’m just glad the quakes have calmed down, and I’m hoping for the same with the buzz about the gold. Treasure hunters are everywhere. Had to do a cave rescue yesterday. It was bad, Will. Lost a girl. We did all we could but…” His voice trailed off.
“Sorry, man.” Will’s tone dropped and was serious now. “Maybe it’s time for you to come home. After all, I thought the plan was just a season or two.”
Noah braced a hand against a boulder and stretched his calves.
Home.
He still had a four-bedroom split-level there. But he doubted it would ever be home again. Now it was just a rental property he paid someone else to manage.
“We’re still your family.” The tone was kind, but the words came like a punch.
Noah closed his eyes. “I’ll be back for a visit after the baby’s born. I have to meet my niece.”
“Elise. It’s okay to call her by name.” Will’s voice caught.
Noah’s chest tightened. Memories flooded—his hand on Mary’s swollen stomach, whispering Penelope’s name against her skin, carving pink wooden letters for a nursery never used. The letters sat in a box somewhere now. He couldn’t throw them away but couldn’t look at them either.
“I have to finish my run, then figure out what to do with this chaos.” His voice sharpened.
“How’s Meg?” Will’s question landed hard.
Noah’s breath hitched. “Meg?” He tried to keep his voice even. “Why do you ask?”
Will’s laugh was knowing. “Did you really think Becca and I wouldn’t notice you bringing up a girl’s name more than once since Mary?”
Their kiss a couple weeks ago burned in his mind—Meg’s warmth, the way she’d fit against him, her big blue eyes pulling him toward a door he couldn’t close. Wouldn’t close.
Noah shook his head, as if Will could see through the phone. “We’re just…friends.”
The word felt hollow. A lie. Moments ago he’d been wondering if he’d been stupid enough to fall in love with her. Now the word rolled off his tongue as if saying it would make it true.
“Friends? You do remember that’s how it starts, right?”
Noah’s jaw tightened.
He remembered. Mary had been his best friend in college, the girl who laughed at his terrible jokes and challenged every assumption he made. He was different then—younger and naive enough to think love was a good thing and not something that could filet you open and leave you bleeding.
Will’s voice thickened. “I miss Mary too. She was my sister. But it’s okay to love again, Noah.”
Noah started off at a walk once more. “It’s not that I don’t think it’s okay. I know Mary would want me to move on. I just don’t know if I can.”
“When you’re done grieving—” Will started.
“That’s not what I mean.” Noah cut him off.
“I’ll always miss her, and there’ll always be that sense of our story being left unfinished.
But that’s not it.” He swallowed. “Watching you marry Becca, wait for Elise—it doesn’t fill me with joy like it should.
It fills me with fear—gut-wrenching, nauseating terror that you’ll lose her, lose them.
I don’t want you to have to go through what I went through.
I don’t know if I could walk that road again.
Or if I even want to take the chance that I could. ”
“Don’t you think I know I could lose them?” Will’s words were soft but insistent. “I just have to trust that if I do, I won’t face it alone. And you don’t have to either. Closing yourself off to the pain also closes you off to the joy—something amazing God might still have for you.”
Noah’s chest ached.
He wasn’t sure he wanted God’s plan. The last one nearly destroyed him. Then again, he didn’t blame God for Mary’s death. He blamed himself. He should have driven her that day.
The verse he’d quoted to Meg yesterday came to mind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Funny how much easier it was to offer truth than to receive it. Because he believed that verse with everything in him. And yet he’d been trapped in this darkness for three years with no way out.
“I really have to go. I’ll call soon.” He ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket. He took off again in a run.
Another buzz vibrated against his leg. He pulled the phone back out.
Meg
I can’t make coffee this morning. Sorry.
Noah’s stomach twisted.
She never called off their morning coffee dates. Never. He’d bailed a few times—especially after their kiss—but she’d always shown up.
He needed to check on her. Surely she wouldn’t be working after yesterday.
Then again, knowing Meg, she would be. She’d throw herself into work, into helping others—anything to avoid facing her own pain.
He sprinted all the way home.
After a quick shower, he headed to the lodge, picked up their usual orders from the dining hall, then drove to Meg’s clinic. The morning sun crested the trees. The clinic’s dark wood and faded sign looked tired.
Inside, Meg stood at the counter in gray scrubs with—was that baby Yoda all over them? Her hair hung loose, with dark curls tumbling down her back. As if sensing him, she pulled a hair tie from her wrist and twisted her hair back into a messy bun before looking up.
Her eyes—shadowed with dark circles and rimmed red—widened. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you get my text?”
“I did. The question is, what are you doing here? You need to take the day off.” Noah stepped inside.
Meg’s back stiffened. Her hands paused as she gathered up the paperwork scattered on the counter. “I’m fine. You’re as bad as Sarah.”
Her nurse, Sarah, walked in then from the back office, her Crayola-red hair brushing her shoulders in a sleek bob.
She arched a brow—with two silver rods pierced through it—at Meg.
“Not that I mind being put in any category with Mr. Hunk-of-Burning-Biceps, but maybe we’re both right. You need a day off.”
Hunk-of-Burning what?
Meg’s cheeks pinked. “There’s work to be done.”
“Work that can wait. Now give me these and go find some solace in those tree limbs he calls arms.” Sarah tried to take the papers, but Meg didn’t let go.
Noah bit back a laugh. This girl was something else. And as much as he wanted to hold Meg right now, to pull her close—probably not the best idea if he wanted to keep things safely in the friends category.
Just friends.
Right.
“Let’s go for a drive, Doc. Just for an hour.” His voice was gentle but insistent. “I have coffee and a pastry in the Jeep for you. Take the morning off at least.”
“But there are patients—”
Sarah finally pulled the papers away. “Dr. Carter will be here in an hour. Everything can wait. And if it can’t, I know how to dial 911.”
Meg’s shoulders sagged. Her eyes met the nurse’s, then Noah’s. “Fine.” She grabbed her bag from under the counter.
Noah held the door and tried not to inhale her flowery scent as she passed.
He failed.