13. Tori
I stare up at the exposed beams of the ceiling, not even remotely tired even though it’s past midnight. My mind keeps replaying everything we said, the looks shared, everything about that gift exchange. We didn’t even finish opening the presents, which oddly bothers me despite the much larger issues at hand. I can’t imagine what might have been in the envelope Oli gave me, but it was clearly something he wanted me to open after I eagerly accepted his pseudo-proposal.
I don’t feel entirely unjustified for not agreeing right away. They’ve only known me for about six months, and I’m not sure if I’m fully behind their intentions. I don’t want to be some sort of cover for their relationship, especially when it would cost me my job. But has this been their plan all along? Have Eli and Oli been seeing me and courting me just so they could be together in public without facing backlash from homophobes? Do they even care about me at all?
My heart aches at the thought. Because it only occurred to me tonight how deep my feelings for them really are. But if they’re using me for their own ends…
I let out a little sniffle, swallowing back a whimper. God, I’m so fucking stupid for not catching onto this sooner. I was so wrapped up in the attention they were giving me that I couldn’t see this coming. I shouldn’t have let myself get this deep. I’m so fucking stupid.
More tears are coming, and I don’t want to wake Spencer with my self-pity. So I slip out onto the patio through the slat doors, curling up in one of the pool chairs as I look out over the midnight sea. I hug my knees to my chest and rest my chin on them, sighing deeply. I think back over the last few months, trying to see if there were any signs I missed, any clue that this was what they were really after.
“Can’t sleep either?”
Eli’s voice pulls my gaze upwards, and I find him approaching me slowly across the patio. Shaking my head, I turn my gaze back toward the ocean before he can see the tears forming on the edges of my vision. He sits on the edge of the pool chair facing me, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. We’re silent for a long minute, but I’m not sure if I have anything to say to him right now.
“I’m sorry, Tori,” he mutters heavily.
I steal a look at him, but he’s not looking at me. He’s staring out over the pool toward the horizon as well, blue eyes lost in thought. I turn my attention forward again, choosing not to respond.
“You shouldn’t have to lose your job over us. That wouldn’t be fair,” he goes on, his voice barely louder than the waves crashing on the nearby shore.
Slumping a little, I nod silently. He’s absolutely right; it isn’t fair. Because, as I realized in my nighttime musings, if things were to blow up, they are the ones the team would protect. They are getting paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and are locked into multi-year contracts. Their faces are all over the advertisements. What I do is important, but I’m replaceable in the grand scheme of things.
“But I don’t want to lose you, either,” he says, words cracking.
I turn my head to find Eli’s eyes on me, the edges lined with silver-sheened moisture. My guard is up, but I can almost feel the cracks forming in my armor as I watch a single tear roll down his cheek.
“Was this always the plan? Are you doing this just so you and Oli don’t have to hide anymore?” I rasp, asking the question that’s been plaguing me all night.
Eli’s pause is all the confirmation I need. I release a sharp sigh before I turn to get up, but his hand around my wrist stops me in my tracks. As I whip around, I’m ready to give him a piece of my mind, but the words die in my throat as I realize he’s dropped down to his knees in the space between our chairs, gazing up at me with tears flowing freely.
“Don’t leave, sunshine. Please, don’t... Just let me explain,” he begs, and somehow his whispers dig deeper than shouting ever could.
I drop back down into the chair, but Eli stays on his knees, both of his hands cradling one of mine to his chest. It takes him a moment to compose himself, for his scent to mellow out from burning spruce back to sweet cranberries and cinnamon. He doesn’t wipe his tears, but he manages to get them under control enough so they don’t fall.
“Oliver and I... we’ve been looking for someone, an omega, for a long time, almost the entire time we’ve been together. I can’t tell you how many women we’ve courted, trying to find someone who could accept us and our relationship, as well as someone who could cope with the hockey lifestyle who wasn’t trying to bond with us for our money. I know what makes a strong, happy pack, and we were let down over and over again. And then we met you…”
My upper lip twitches up for a second in disgust and hurt. So I’m just the latest omega they’ve pulled their scheme on. That almost makes this whole thing worse. Eli’s face tightens, panic making his eyes widen and his grip on my hand tighten.
“No! That came out wrong! Fuck, I’m so sorry. I can’t say anything right today. Listen, it wasn’t like that. We genuinely gave each relationship a real chance. But when something doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But you’re different. I’ve never felt like this for anyone else, not even Oli,” he goes on, staring up at me with an intensity that makes my heart race.
I stay silent, trying to sort through my feelings. I want this to be real so badly, to finally have people who aren’t trying to use me for their own purposes. I stayed single for this exact reason. And with the way Elijah’s looking up at me, with desperation and fear and something else I can’t identify, I can almost believe it is. He’s clinging onto my hand like a piece of driftwood in the middle of the ocean, his warmth radiating into my bare legs. He’s always so warm, but not stifling. More like the glow of a crackling fireplace than the glare of the desert sun.
“From the moment I laid eyes on you, the first time your scent entered my lungs, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. You are so fucking smart, and funny, and, God, so beautiful inside and out. It’s only been a handful of months, but I see a future when I look at you, Tori. If I have to quit hockey and become a househusband, or bond mate, or a fucking house-elf... whatever you want, I would do it. Whatever it takes to make you happy. Because you’ve been hurt too many times, and I’m sorry that I was the latest offender. Just don’t... Don’t give up on us. I… I love you.”
Time screeches to a halt as he utters those three little words, my breath catching in my throat. I can see what I was missing now. That extra thing behind his fear is love. And I know he’s telling the truth. There’s some instinctual humming in a deepest part of my soul that sings with confirmation. It grows until my doubt and anxiety fades, leaving me choking back a different sort of sob.
Eli’s face twists into lines of concern, but I don’t let him speak. I collapse onto him, pulling my hand free so I can wrap my arms around his neck. He embraces me just as fiercely, lifting me with ease until he’s seated on the pool chair and I’m straddling him. I breathe his scent deep into my lungs, the spruce and ozone softening the harsh edges of my mind. He keeps whispering into my hair, the words of love falling over me like flower petals. I eventually pull away, wiping away an errant tear as I look into his eyes again. He brushes a stray hair away from my face to tuck it behind my ear, and I lean into his open palm.
“I want to. I want this, because...” I whisper at last, trailing off and closing my eyes with a sigh.
I sense Eli stiffen under me, but I just hold his hand to the side of my face, nuzzling the callouses with my nose. He uses that grip to bring me close, resting our foreheads together.
“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to—”
I cut him off with a kiss. Not a lingering thing, but with enough passion to get his attention. When we pull away, I sit back slightly so I can meet his gaze. Some of the longer blond strands of hair on the top of his head have fallen into his face, so I reach up and brush them back. He’s beautiful, the planes of his cheeks and brow just right to give him a rugged, impish allure. Even the gap from his missing incisor adds to his charm. But there’s more to him than just his looks. Elijah is sunlight, heat, warmth, comfort. His positivity is infectious, his wit impeccable.
“I love you, too.”
I thought I’d trip over the words, but the declaration glides off my tongue like honey. And nothing has ever tasted as sweet as the kiss we share to seal our confessions.