Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
Liv
It’s nearly eleven when I wake up from my dream, but I can’t get back to sleep. I’m too hot and itchy all over, and I need to do something.
I go downstairs, turn on my computer, and feel completely ridiculous as I type cougar shifters into the search bar.
The only information I find is from books, movies, myths and legends, and its only ever men who seem to shift into werewolves during the full moon.
I roll my eyes at the glowing screen. Surely monthly shapeshifting based on the cycles of the moon should be a woman’s thing.
Maybe it is. Maybe that’s why?—
I take a quick look outside, but the moon is only half full.
If I don’t shift at the full moon, what’s the deal? Will I shift every night for the rest of my life? Was it just a one-off? Is it cyclical? Instead of a period, am I going to shift into a cougar for five days every month?
Or did I just imagine the whole thing?!
I keep searching for information, and while the myths and legends are obviously not fact, I definitely tick some boxes — memory loss, feeling like you’re in heat, a desperate need to run.
But it’s all wolves. Nothing about cougars. Nothing about women who turn into mountain lions on their fortieth birthdays.
There’s no information about how or why this could happen, or when to expect a shift. Nothing helpful at all.
Then I come across a chatroom with a leopard print background called Hot Cougars and I join.
Of course it’s not going to be a group for actual cougar shifters, just older women looking to score with young hot guys, I guess.
But I figure if I’m not actually a big cat and just going through perimenopause or something, someone in here might be able to help me.
There’s a hot pink dot next to the name @rawrgrrl in the chat room, which I guess means someone is online, so I decide to post.
@kittycat444: 40/f/Colorado here. Anyone got advice for hot flushes? And feeling like you just have to run all the time?
A private message pops up in a new window.
@rawrgrrl: Cold water helps with the heat stuff.
@rawrgrrl: Also make sure you keep a change of clothes outside your house.
@kittycat444: Wait, are you also…?
@rawrgrrl: Happy birthday. You’re a cougar now, honey.
@kittycat444: Please help me understand what the hell is happening!
@rawrgrrl: At first, you’ll shift for three to seven nights every month.
@kittycat444: With the moon?
@rawrgrrl: No, honey. Every cougar has her own cycle. Some of us shift with our menstrual cycle, some of us shift when we’re ovulating. Some shift instead of bleeding. It’s different for all of us.
@rawrgrrl: After a while, you’ll learn to control it. Shift whenever you want.
@kittycat444: How do I control it??
@rawrgrrl: You’ll figure it out. Eventually.
@rawrgrrl: In the meantime, just enjoy yourself, honey.
@kittycat444: Wait, what do you mean *us*?
Her hot pink dot disappears, and I get a message that she’s gone offline.
I’m not sure if I feel excited to know that there are others like me out there, or if I’m just even more freaked out.
I grab a pint of ice cream, shove Teen Wolf into the VCR and sit on the couch, watching with wide eyes as Michael J Fox shifts into a wolf.
It looks so painful when he does it. I don’t remember pain.
I don’t even remember shifting.
It’s just after midnight when I feel the urge to run. Not an urge, it’s a desperate desire from the very depths of my being telling me that I have to run.
I suddenly feel so hot and sweaty and itchy and trapped in my human body, like something inside of me is desperately trying to get free.
I start scratching at my pajamas. It suddenly feels so wrong to be wearing clothes, so I strip everything off.
Falling onto my hands and knees, I gasp as my body spasms and heaves.
It’s not painful. No, it’s the opposite of painful. It’s fucking freedom. Like taking off three-inch heels after dancing all night long.
I look down at my hands as long nails shoot from my fingers, and my hands turn into giant fucking paws.
I’m a fucking cougar!
I let out a howl, and my humanness slowly fades away as my wild cougar instincts take over.
And I run.