Chapter 30
Nobody had ever met a woman like Sydney Cassidy.
Same opening line I’d read two months ago, except then it had been Esel. When Jane told me about Billy’s book deal I’d briefly wondered if he’d gone with Esme or Rachel, or something else entirely.
He’d chosen Sydney.
My head snapped up to find Billy staring at me. “Why?” I asked.
He put the paper he’d been reading down on the couch and rose, then walked over to the front of the desk, putting his hands down and leaning over so that he was at my eye level, the desk between us.
The desk, and a whole lot of other shit stood between us.
“Do you remember the conversation about my character being Salinger’s Esme?”
“Yes,” I said. It had been the first of many conversations about his characters. “Vaguely.”
“You described her as, and I quote, ‘Practical. Unsentimental. Wise beyond her years. Very matter-of-fact. And yet you know she’s going to rip your heart out.’ Sound like anyone we both know?”
“I…I…” I was speechless and by his smile, he knew it.
He leaned a little further across the desk.
Still not touchable from where I sat, but maybe if I scooted—“I didn’t write you, Syd, but your name fits this character.
To a tee. And it was a name I wanted around me always.
” He pointed to his book. “It’s not carved in stone, but it will definitely be in print and on bookshelves. ”
I ran his words (my words, actually) through my head. “But I didn’t rip your heart out,” I said.
He put both his hands over his heart, white and stark against the black of his T-shirt. “From the first, you ripped my heart out. I’m just so sorry I did the same to you.”
He took a step back away from the desk and I held my breath. Was he going to go back to his couch and start reading again? Was I supposed to just thank him for naming a character after me and return to work? Did knowing his heart was broken like mine help?
“Did you even really need me to proofread?” I asked.
He smiled, but it was small and faint. “No. I just wanted you to see it before it came out. It was true that I’m not supposed to let it out of my possession, so this seemed like a good way to get you here.”
Oh. So I wouldn’t be spending torturous hours only steps away from the man I loved but who didn’t love me back. I held back a sob, cleared my throat and said as I rose from my chair, “Oh, okay. Well, it was a lovely gesture, thank you.”
A look of panic came across his face. “No. No, I didn’t… Shit, I messed this up.” I was rounding the desk now and he took a step over to stand in my way. “Syd,” he said, and started to reach for me, when a knock came at the door.
His hands dropped back to his sides. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he murmured and left me standing in confusion as he went to open the door.
“We’re here to move your stuff,” came a voice from the other side of the door once Billy had opened it. From my angle I couldn’t see the man.
“Now? This isn’t a really good time,” Billy said.
“This is when we were scheduled to be here.”
Billy ran his hand through his hair. “I know. Well, I forgot actually, but yeah. Can you give me a few minutes at least?”
A pause, then, “We can do the office next to you first, but then we need to do this one. That’s all for this floor.”
“Thanks. Yeah, okay. I just need a few minutes is all,” Billy said.
“It’ll take us about forty-five to get the other office done, if that.” Billy was nodding and thanking the man again. “Office two-thirty-three? That’s the one you’re moving to?” the man added.
“Yeah, I guess,” Billy said. “I know it’s two down from Corrine Patterson’s.”
“Yep, that’s it. Okay, see you shortly,” the man said and Billy thanked him again, then closed the door. He put his hand against the wall and took a deep breath, then turned back to me.
“What’s going on?” I asked. “They’re not here to move your stuff to New York?”
The smile was back, but still so tentative. “No, not New York. They’re moving my stuff to my new office upstairs.”
I still wasn’t getting it. “Seems like a stupid time to assign you to a new office, right before the end of the semester.” He shrugged. “Why don’t they just wait until you go back to New York? Less to move, if they still want the furniture and stuff upstairs.”
He took another step to me, standing right in front of me, only an arm’s length away.
I ached to be this close to him and still not be able to touch him.
“Because I’m not going back to New York, Syd.
I’m staying here at Bribury. I’m going to teach next year too.
I’m going to stay for a while. I just agreed to an offer from the dean yesterday. ”
“Wow, you’re sure getting the deals lately,” I said.
My mind was already whirring with thoughts of how I’d need to map out my classes next year so I could avoid seeing Billy around campus.
I’d thought I’d just needed to get through a couple more weeks of knowing the man I loved was on my little campus, and yet so, so far away from me.
“Yeah, I guess,” he said. “Actually, I first approached the dean about me staying on, but he was very receptive to the idea.”
“Of course he was, you’re a great catch for Bribury,” I said. I didn’t add that he was a great catch for anybody.
“Thanks.” He just stared down at me, not saying anything, causing an incredibly awkward silence. At least it seemed awkward to me.
“So, okay. I guess if you don’t need me to proofread I’ll head out. Congrats on the book again. And, good luck here at Bribury…”
“Wait, Syd.” As I walked past him he reached out and took my arm just above my hand, his touch cool on my flushed skin. “Christ, I am totally messing this up,” he said. He chuckled. “I should have written what I wanted to say.”
I held very still, not daring to guess what he’d planned to say. But hoping. I couldn’t stop the hoping. “What did you want to say, Billy?” I said softly.
“I’m staying because of you, Syd. Yes, I found I really loved teaching, but I could do it anywhere. You’re at Bribury. So I’m staying at Bribury.” Another deep breath from him, his exhale shaky. “And I’m going to fight like hell to get you back, Sydney O’Brien.”
I slid my arm up, still in his hold, until our hands met and I laced my fingers with his. “That’s going to be a pretty short battle,” I said, squeezing his hand.
He tugged me to him and I fell into his arms. His mouth was on mine and I returned his kiss, two months of pent up frustration finally bursting free.
His arms around me, his taste, the soft breaths he took… All so sweet, all so familiar, all so…mine.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved my body closer into his, feeling his already growing erection against me.
He broke away. “Before we go further—and let me just say that we’re definitely going to be using the last forty-five minutes we’ve got with that couch very wisely—I need to tell you something.”
“You named your main character after me. You’re staying at Bribury. And you’ve got me back in your arms. What more could you possibly have to tell me?”
He smiled. The smile that had been in the photo I’d printed at the library, and the smile in the picture on his desk, now packed away. The smile I’d loved for years before I ever saw it in person. The smile I would love forever.
“I love you, Syd,” he said.
“I love you too, Billy.” I ran my hands across his shoulders and buried them in his hair. Yep, my knuckles brushed against the bottom of his neck. Dead-on.
He kissed me again and then broke away, placed his forehead against mine and said, “I’m a writer, I probably should have come up with something more original than just ‘I love you, Syd,’ right?”
I shook my head. “Don’t mess with the classics.”