Chapter 31
Logan
There was a rap on Connor’s door, and I looked at him to see if he wanted anyone else in the room. I assumed it was Megan, but maybe Marlo had arrived. “Megan’s out there, but if you’d rather not—”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Whatever,” Connor said. His voice was raspy, and I wondered if it was from his stomach being pumped. He had an IV drip with fluids going, and looked really rough.
But alive.
I opened the door to Megan, who said quietly, “I don’t want to disturb Connor if he’d rather not see any more people, but can I talk to you out here for a second?”
Her voice was strange, and she looked at the top of my chest, not in my eyes. So, she’d looked at Chloe’s post. And felt like shit about it.
It wasn’t Megan’s fault, but I found I was glad she saw the wrongness of it as much as I did.
“Yeah, of course,” I said, and turned to Connor to tell him I’d be right back.
“Hey, Megan, you can come in. It’s not contagious,” Connor joked.
“Christ, Connor,” Jack said, pissed but also exhausted. He turned his back to us all and stared out the window.
Megan came to Connor’s bedside. She didn’t hesitate to take his hand in hers. I should have thought of that, but she had a much better sense of that kind of thing than I did. “Hey, how are you feeling?” she asked.
“Like I got drunk, took pills, and had emergency treatment,” Connor said, trying to give her a limp smile.
“Yeah, that’s exactly how you look,” she said, giving the same attempt at a smile back.
“It was stupid. I don’t even know why I hung on to those pills,” he said.
“You know what, it doesn’t matter right now. You can work through that at a later time. You’ve got a lot of resources now for that. For now, just concentrate on getting some fluids in you, your strength up, and getting out of here.”
He nodded.
“And Connor, I’m so, so sorry about what Chloe did to you. I should have been there. I maybe could have—”
“Knock it off, Megan. You’re not responsible for Chloe’s actions. If I hadn’t been so drunk, I would have realized that something was off while Paige and I were talking.”
“That doesn’t mean she should have done what she did.”
“No. Yeah. It was shitty, there’s no doubt about that. But not anything to do with you whatsoever.”
“But I brought her into your life. She knew what our group on Wednesdays was. I could have warned you all a bit more.”
“Because you knew she’d do something like that?”
“No. I honestly could not imagine anyone doing something like that,” she said. “But maybe I should have. I knew she’d clocked that Logan’s morbid curiosity followers added to her numbers.”
“Jesus Christ, we’re all so fucked up. But not your problem. And I may have met Chloe through you, but I was into her and she knew it. We would have ended up at the same party together somehow anyway. Even if you weren’t involved.”
Megan nodded. “I’m really sorry.”
“You don’t need my absolution, Megan, but you have it. Not your fault.”
They said their goodbyes and Megan left, with me following her into the hall.
I went to hug her, but she put out her hands to stop me.
“Listen, I know this is a crappy time to do this, but…”
Fuck. She might as well have started with “we need to talk,” I was so certain of what she was about to say next.
Certain and yet totally blindsided.
“Megan, we’re all a little raw today. Last night was—”
“It’s not about last night. Or not just about last night. This has all hammered home what I’ve been saying all along about how us being together is too complicated right now.”
“No, it’s not. It was only complicated last night, and that was a one-off. I mean, sure, I’m not going to be hanging around your dorm room anymore, but we were mostly at my house anyway. And I can avoid Chloe, because—”
“Logan, listen to me. It’s too much. It’s all too much right now. Can’t you see how fragile we all are? You and Connor more so because more time has passed for me, but we’re all just barely hanging on here. Let’s not add to it.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I’m totally serious. Except for Wednesdays at group, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
I checked big guys into the boards all the time.
Never felt a thing. But Megan, weighing a fraction of what those dudes did, was able to leave my body wrenched and make me lean over to catch my breath.
“No, you can’t. It’s too good between us,” I said, bringing my head back up in time to catch the pained expression on her face, which she quickly covered up with a blank look.
“It was good. But the timing is all wrong. Goodbye, Logan,” she said, and walked down the hallway. “Take care of Connor, and take care of yourself.”
Marlo entered the hallway just as Megan got to the end, and they stopped and talked for a second, Marlo mostly nodding.
Then Megan got in the elevator and left me.
* * *
Dex and Philly were in the living room when I got back to the house. They were both on the couch, both with their laptops on their laps, each with notebooks open and their backpacks at their feet. Studying. Something I had let slide a little since spending my nights with Megan.
Fresh pain ripped through me at remembering Megan walking away from me in the hospital.
“How’s Connor?” Dex asked.
“He’s going to be okay. They’re keeping him today, probably overnight too. His parents are on their way up and our counselor was there with him when I left. So was his roommate, the guy who found him.”
“Thank God he did,” Dex said. I nodded, sharing the relieved look Dex had.
Philly was staring at me like I’d pissed in her cornflakes. An expression my grandpa used to use that definitely applied now.
“What’s up? Why the look?” I asked her. I moved into the room and sat down in the recliner.
“Nothing. I just can’t—”
“Hey, now’s not the time,” Dex said, cutting her off with both his words and his look.
“The time for what?” I asked. Dex gave her another look. “Come on, Philly, spill. What’s your problem?”
“My problem? My problem? I don’t know why you—”
“Philly, shut it, okay? He’s had a shitty morning. He’s just back from making sure his friend didn’t successfully off himself after shit that happened in this house.”
“Not to mention getting dumped,” I added. Because, yeah, if Philly was going to unload on me for some bullshit like leaving the cap off the toothpaste, she should know what had just happened to the bear before she poked him.
“What?” Dex said.
“Good for Megan,” Philly said.
I stared at her. I’d been practically living with her for nearly a year since she and Dex became inseparable. And I liked her. Really liked her. We had a good brother/sister vibe going on. But this felt really cruel.
And a total pile-on.
Because what? I didn’t take the clothes out of the washer or something like that?
But no. Philly wasn’t like that. Something was going on I wasn’t aware of.
“What’s going on? Why are you not surprised? Happy, even?” I said to her. I leaned forward in the recliner, pinning her with my stare.
Her shoulders slumped and she sighed. “I’m not happy you’re hurt, Straw. Really. Getting dumped sucks. But come on, you can’t really blame her, can you?”
I was just about to explain that Megan’s reasons for dumping me were nebulous thoughts of things being too complicated and didn’t hold water after getting to the place we were at. But Philly’s statement seemed too concrete for that argument.
That thought was confirmed when she added, “You had to know what she’d do when you saw Chloe’s post.”
Okay, now I was really confused.
“Explain this to me like I’m five, ’cause I swear to God, Philly, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
“You and Ches. Sleeping together,” she said.
My head was spinning as I thought back to the party we had when Megan and I were interrupted by Ches bursting into my room. Obviously she knew that I’d slept with Ches in the past. So why was this a problem now?
“She knows I slept with Ches. She’s cool with that,” I said.
Both Dex’s and Philly’s eyes got big, so I quickly moved on.
“I mean, you two don’t hold anyone you slept with in the past against each other, right?
Why would Megan care now, like, today, about something that happened before she and I even met? ”
They looked at each other, confusion on their faces. Thank God they were now in my realm of What the Fuckness.
“I mean when you slept with Ches last night!” Philly exclaimed.
“Get the fuck out of here. I didn’t go anywhere near her. When I saw she showed up, I was over there talking with Bailey—a girl in our Wednesday group—and happily stayed in that corner most of the night.” I pointed to the bar where I’d played sounding board to Bailey.
“Don’t bullshit us, Straw, man. Not a good look. If you fucked up and did Ches, that’s one thing, but don’t lie about it,” Dex said, disappointment in his voice, which pissed me off.
“I’m not lying. Why would I lie about something I didn’t do?”
Now they looked at each other with doubt. Good.
I drove the point home. “I did not sleep with Ches last night,” I said slowly and clearly.
“No. But I did.”
We all turned our heads to see Veeti, who had just entered the room from the kitchen, a bagel in his hand.
“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?” He gestured to me. “It didn’t seem like you were interested, Straw. Ever, but especially not since Megan. I thought you two were exclusive or whatever.”
“We are. Were.”
Veeti took a bite, nodding, then got the past tense part of my statement. “Oh. Ouch. Sorry to hear that. I really liked her. Why’d you cut her loose?”
“I didn’t. She dumped me,” I said.
“Because she thought you slept with Ches last night,” Philly said. She was on her phone scrolling and swiping, then held it out for me.
I took the phone from her and saw she had Chloe’s post cued up. I started to hand it back to her. “I don’t need to watch this bullshit. Once was more than enough. I’m still so fucking pissed that—”
“Watch it again. But keep your eye on the background. Over Connor’s shoulder.”
I did. And then I played it again. And once more. “But I…” I shook my head. I had been at the bar with Bailey while all of this was going on, but it was obvious Ches had just been in some sort of state of undress in my room that she was now putting to rights.
“You slept with Ches last night?” I said to Veeti.
He nodded. “Great in bed, man. Seems pretty high maintenance, but gave great head.”
“God, Veeti,” Philly said, shaking her head. “Don’t be a pig.”
“Listen, if you’re going to basically live with us, you’re gonna hear us be pigs from time to time, Philly. Comes with the territory,” Veeti told her. She looked to Dex, who gave a “he’s not wrong” shrug.
“Whatever,” I said. “Did you sleep with Ches in my room? Why, man? Did she, like, demand it or something?”
“Dude. I would not fuck a girl in your bed when mine is right there across the hall. Even if she did want to, which would be a big red flag, you know what I mean? Might not have stopped me, but I’d definitely hesitate.”
“Reversed image,” I said, getting it. “Fucking reversed image. But nobody’s wearing clothes with lettering on it that’s backward, or the steering wheel’s not on the wrong side. No way to tell with that completely identical hallway. But she had it shooting in mirror mode.”
Philly snatched her phone back and watched it again.
“Oh shit, you’re right. We were standing on the other side of the staircase at about this time,” she said to Dex.
She pointed at her phone and then over to the foot of the staircase.
“Look, there’s the finial that’s missing. But it’s on the wrong side.”
“The what now?” Dex asked, thankfully, because I didn’t know what she was talking about either.
“The big ball on top of the balustrade,” she said.
At our continued confused looks, she got up and went to the staircase, passing her phone to Veeti as she did.
“The missing knobby thing on top of the railing thing.” She pointed to the one side, where there was nothing on top of the banister (that word I knew), and to the other that had a wooden oval thing on the top.
“Oh yeah,” Veeti said. “Total reverse image. She left my room just like that, still buttoning up and doing something with her hair.”
“But Megan never mentioned it to me today. When she dumped me. Maybe she didn’t see it,” I said.
“Had she seen the post when you first saw her? Or did she mention it before she got to the hospital?” Philly asked. She came back into the living room and sat down next to Dex. Veeti gobbled up the rest of his bagel and sat on the other couch. All of them looked to me for an explanation.
To explain what I thought was unexplainable.
But maybe it was simple. Maybe Connor’s OD and Chloe’s post hadn’t been the impetus for Megan dumping me. Maybe it wasn’t as big picture as “too complicated” for us right now. Maybe it was this.
And this was fixable.
“She didn’t know about the post when she got to the hospital. I told her to watch it and went into Connor’s room. A little while later, she came in and asked to talk to me. Connor talked with her for a few minutes, then she and I went back into the hall.”
And I’d had my heart ripped out by the girl I loved.
The relief I felt was clearly shared by my friends, given the looks on their faces. “Okay. This is so stupid. I’ve got to go talk to Megan.” I got off the couch but hadn’t gone two steps before Veeti stopped me.
“Can’t right now. We’re due on the ice in an hour. Should be a pretty light skate, though, seeing as we nailed those guys so hard last night.”
Right. Practice. Followed by a team meeting once the coaches had graded the film from the weekend’s games.
Seeing Megan would have to wait a few hours. But I couldn’t let another minute go by with her thinking that I’d slept with Ches last night.
I took out my phone and texted her.
Just realized the confusion. Watch the post again. It’s reversed. Veeti slept with Ches last night in his room.
I got the read message right away, but nothing else.
I waited a couple of minutes for the dots and the eventual response along the lines of OMG, so glad you pointed that out.
Should have thought of that myself, and, in my more deluded thoughts, also How could I have ever thought that?
I love you desperately. Please come as soon as you can.
But no, nothing from her. Even after ten minutes.
But also, nothing along the lines of What are you even talking about? What does Ches have to do with anything? So I knew our little detective crew here in our living room was on the right track.
With still nothing from Megan forty minutes later, I texted again.
Going to practice now. Coming to your dorm after, probably three hours. We need to talk this out. Be there.
A little bossy, sure. But I wasn’t going to let Megan Gaffney—the best thing that had ever happened to me—get away from me without a fight.