18. Chapter 18
That night Zoe let me crash at her place, where I made my way through half a pint of cookies and cream ice cream, and if I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, Zoe didn’t press me for details.
It was exactly what I needed. I knew she was dying to know what had happened, but for tonight, I could wallow in silence.
After Zoe had gone to bed, in the dark of night, I lay awake and let my tears fall.
Sunday went by in a blur.
Justin had texted me Sunday night, letting me know that I didn’t need to come to the clinic. I spent all Monday morning in class, ruminating over the messages. At lunch I broke down and told Zoe everything.
I showed her the text messages. “Now he thinks I’m not going to show my face? He’s going to keep paying me because that’s the kind of guy he is, but there’s no way I’m going to let him do that without me putting in the work.”
Zoe munched on her chips as if I was some TV drama she was engrossed in.
“I pay my way, Z. I’m not going to be indebted to him—no more. I’m supposed to hear from my potential buyer today,” my stomach flipped and flopped just thinking about it. “This could be the day my life changes forever. For good.”
“Promise not to bite my head off?”
I squinted at her, already knowing I wasn’t going to like her words. “No promises.”
“Justin changed your life for good.”
My bruised heart gave a lurch. “He has his clinic, that’s what he wants. I have my program, that’s what I want.”
“That’s a load of crap and you know it, right?”
I leveled her with a look. “I thought you were supposed to be on my side.”
She reached over and gripped my hand, squeezing. “I am. You were happy, this, this whole going through the motions for a job? It doesn’t light up your eyes, Katie. Not like he did.”
“It’s stupid, Z. We knew each other for a hot second.”
“Emphasis on hot,” she winked, her face sobering afterward. “But seriously, when you know,” she shrugged, “you know. No matter how shitty the circumstances.”
I studied my friends face. “Why does it sound like you’re speaking from experience?”
She waved me off. “Hey, we’re talking about you here, not me, remember? All I’m saying is that you love him and that’s worth a shot before you become a big shot programmer and leave us for some other city.”
“He already made it pretty clear he chose his clinic, Z.”
“Did you straight up ask him?”
I bit my lip. “No.”
“Do it. You owe it to yourself. Get your closure, put yourself out there, ask if he wants to be with you, if he’s willing to be with you and then move on from there.”
To say Midge was surprised to see me was an understatement. The surprise on her face was worth the mini panic attack I’d had on my way over here. “Katie?”
“Hi, Midge.”
She shot to her feet, “you’re not supposed to be here.”
“Oh? I didn’t realize my internship was over.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yes, that was the deal.”
I drew back. “Excuse me?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, now march that skinny ass out of here or I tell my lovely brother-in-law that Justin’s clinic isn’t the project for him, and I make a call to that reporter who seemed so interested in you working here. You know, the one that Justin pissed off when he snapped at him?”
“The last investor Justin needs is your brother-in-law?”
Midge tossed her hair over her shoulder.
“He’s not the last, but he’s one of the largest contributors—or will be as soon as you leave, for good.
I knew something sick was going on between you two.
When I told my brother-in-law to stop by to test my theories, I never expected him to tell me what he’d overheard. ”
“You planted him here?”
Midge smirked in triumph.
What kind of person did that?
Someone with an ugly personality, that’s who.
I shook my head. “You know what’s sad, you’re going out of your way for all this, for what? Does it make you happy?”
Midge frowned. “I’m doing this for Justin.”
“Right. For Justin, because you love him?”
She sneered at me. “Like you love him? You’re like your mother, walking in here, catching his eye, using him.”
I never knew how my mother met Justin, but I guess it would sting Midge to see her walk in here and steal the man she’d been pining over. Then to see it again with me. But I wasn’t using Justin. I would never use someone.
“What you’re doing isn’t love, Midge. And the only reason you still have a job is because you're lording your family’s money over Justin’s head. If you really loved him, you’d know how much the clinic meant to him.” And I was going to ask him to risk losing that. For what? For me?
My resolve faltered as I left a sputtering Midge to find Justin.
In my pocket, my phone started to buzz. Glancing at the screen, I stumbled to a stop.
It was my buyer.
“H-hello?”
The sterile hallway echoed, but I couldn’t move my feet.
“Ms. Malone?”
“Yes?”
“I’m calling from the office of Ms. Darling. Darling Data Incorporated would like to invite you to our office…”
I entered Justin’s office without knocking.
He sat behind his computer, lab coat on, looking as handsome as I remembered.
“Katie?” He rose, looking like he wanted to come around his desk but stopping himself.
I drank in the sight of him.
It’d been easy to deny my feelings when he wasn’t standing right in front of me, but now, here, I couldn’t deny what I felt for him, the surging of emotions nearly choked me.
I clutched my phone, the device burning a hole in my hand. My appointment was in less than two hours.
I had a choice to make.
“Is everything okay?” Justin’s voice, the concern in his eyes, warmed my heart.
There was only one thing I needed to know. “Why’d you throw it away?”
“I’m sorry?”
“The letter I wrote all those years ago in high school. The one where I asked you and my mom to come to my graduation? I went to your house to ask you about it and found out you’d thrown it away.
You and my mom turned your backs on me, and I never understood why.
” It’d been a weight I’d carried around with me for years—the idea that I was never good enough.
Not for my mom. Not for Justin. Not for anyone.
His long legs ate up the space between us, the heat from his body teasing me from where he stopped less than a foot away.
“Katie, I never received a letter from you. The reason I stayed away was because your mother told me you wanted nothing to do with us. Why do you think I kept tabs on you from afar? I always wanted you in my life, in whatever way I could. If I had known for one second that you wanted me in your life, I would’ve been there.
Afterward, I thought you blamed me for her death.
Lord knows there was enough speculation around it.
Fingers pointed to me, as they should’ve, but I swear to you, I had no idea back then, about the letter, about graduation, any of it. ”
I believed him.
My lungs expanded for what felt like the first time in a long time.
It’d all been my mom.
A part of me wanted to resent her, but it was the way she was, never wanting to be out of the spotlight, always chasing her own validation until her need for more caught up with her.
I should’ve never resented her. I should’ve pitied her, but my high school self would’ve never been able to understand, not like I did now.
A strange sense of peace washed over me.
I forgave her.
“Sweetie?” The warmth of Justin’s hand cupped my face, wiping away a single tear. “I’m so sorry.”
I leaned into his touch. I knew it all now. There was nothing left standing in my way.
Gazing up at Justin I asked, “Would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?”
I saw the answer dawning in his face, before reality set in and crushed it. His gaze darted to the door behind me, and I knew what he was thinking.
Midge.
His clinic
But I needed to give him the choice, I needed to hear him say it when everything was out on the line. When I was out on the line. But there was something I had to take care of first.
I grabbed his hand and squeezing. “Meet me for dinner,” I implored. Then I did what I should’ve done all along, and trusted my instincts. “I love you, Justin. I know what Midge did, and I understand what the clinic means to you, but what if you could have both?”
“Katie—”
I pressed a finger to his lips, the contact sending a spark up my arm. “What if you could have it all? Would you want me?”
The passion in his eyes was something I would never forget. He crushed his lips against mine.
It was fierce and desperate and too short. It told me everything I needed to know.
“I can’t let you ruin your future, Katie.” And he meant it.
My lip curled. “You’re not. You’re creating it.”