Chapter 24
It’s only a five minute ride to Killian’s place, a modern detached house nestled in the heart of a quiet cul-de-sac on the outer edge of town.
We turn into his driveway, and I’d be lying if I said I was happy about it.
I wish the ride over here was longer, because I’m perfectly content where I am.
The front of my body pressed up against the back of his, my arms secured around his middle and my head resting against his back.
The long skirt of my dress is bunched up around the top of my thighs.
Modesty went out the window the second I climbed on the bike, if Killian were to get off, my panties would be on display for the entire world to see.
Killian’s hand barely left my thigh as we wound through the streets, his thumb rubbing lazy circles on my leg as though to comfort me. There was nothing sexual about his touch but I couldn’t help wish his hand was placed a little higher.
He switches off the engine and I reluctantly peel myself away, climbing off the bike and smoothing down my dress as he swings his leg over the bike.
Taking my hand, we head inside the house and he leads me up the stairs and into the first room on the left, a large double bedroom and I stop just inside the door to take it all in. It’s gorgeous.
The feature wall is matte black, vertical panels placed close together extending the full height of the wall.
The soft light from the chrome table lamps either side of the huge bed in the middle of the room give out a warm golden glow.
It’s stylish and surprisingly tasteful, but everything about it screams masculinity.
The bed is king size with a charcoal leather headboard I’m sure could tell some stories.
There’s not a crinkle or crease on the dark grey and white bed sheets, it looks immaculate, almost like it’s never been slept in.
“Here, take these.”
I spin around to find him holding a pile of clothes out to me.
“They’ll be too big on you, but at least they’ll be comfortable.
Towels are in the bathroom on the rack if you wanna take a shower.
” He runs a hand though his hair that’s tied back into a bun, looking uncomfortable which I find hard to believe.
“You want me make something to eat? Any preference?”
“I’m sure whatever you choose will be fine.”
He nods before heading for the door, but he stalls, his hand lingering on the door frame as he hangs back, like he wants to say something else. “You look stunning.”
“What?” I blurt out.
He clears his throat, his eyes lifting to mine. “You’re stunning,” he repeats.
My heart is thumping so hard I can feel my pulse in my eardrums, my stomach is doing somersaults because the way he’s looking at me right now, the way his dark chocolate eyes hold mine makes me want to melt into a puddle right here on the carpet.
Without another word he leaves the room.
“Killian,” I call after him. He backs up a step, his head poking around the door frame.
“Thank you.” I smile. For everything.
The corner of his mouth twitches and he nods once before continuing down the hallway.
After I’ve taken a shower, I change into the clothes he left out for me.
They swallow me whole but they’re warm and they smell like him, so I don’t mind.
The bottom of the black t-shirt almost reaches my knees and the sweatpants are miles too long, so I have to roll the legs up so they bunch at my ankles, pulling the drawstring around my waist as tight as it will allow.
I pad down the stairs and find him in the kitchen where he’s dishing up our food. It smells incredible.
I take a seat on the stool at the kitchen island. “What are we having?”
He glances over his shoulder as he stirs the pot on the stove. “Mac and cheese, okay?”
I smile. “Sounds perfect.”
“Clothes alright?” he asks.
“A tad too big, but they’re great. Thanks.”
I run my palm along the smooth dark oak worktop that’s cool under my touch, the colour standing out from the matte black kitchen cabinets and the bronze accents. The under-cabinet lighting is warm and cosy and just like the rest of his house, it’s so very him.
He catches me taking in the kitchen, a smile playing on his lips.
“It’s quite the bachelor pad you have here. It’s nice. It’s very you.” Very black.
“I’ve never brought a woman here.” There’s no hesitation in his answer.
I blink at him, not sure I’ve heard him right. “Seriously?”
He shrugs. “My house is mine. It’s my safe space.”
“Does me being here make you uncomfortable?”
“I’m not used to sharing it with anyone.”
“Then why am I here?”
He looks up at me. “Because I want you here.”
I smile. “I want to be here too.” With you. “Now, feed me. I’m starving.”
There’s some action movie on the TV but I’m not really paying attention, my mind keeps replaying what happened tonight on a constant loop like a movie reel, flashes of images and snippets of conversation echoing through my mind.
“You okay?” Killian’s voice snaps me back to reality.
I glance across to find him studying me, concern etched in his brow. It’s almost as if he can sense where my mind has just been.
I nod slowly, but there’s no feeling behind it. “No,” I finally admit. “I thought I’d put it all behind me, but seeing Daniel again today brought it all back.”
“Sof said he was your ex?”
I nod. “We only dated for a few months. He was nice, he liked the same things I liked and it was comfortable. It was nice to have someone to spend time with.” I don’t know why I feel so compelled to keep talking, but it feels good to get it off my chest. “I knew he wanted to take our relationship further but I wasn’t ready for that, every time I thought I was, it just never felt right and I didn’t want to do it out of some kind of obligation.
He tried initiating it a couple of times but excuses like having a headache or being on my period wore thin pretty quickly and the longer it went on, the more frustrated he’d get. ”
I blow out a long breath before continuing.
“The last night we were together, I got a vibe off him, he just seemed totally off when I got to his apartment. He got a little full-on and I asked him to stop. He said I was being selfish and he got more forceful. When I tried to get away and grabbed me and hit me across the face. He threw me on the bed and pinned me down, saying some awful things, disgusting things. Said that fighting would only make it worse for me. It didn’t stop me, though.
I kneed him in the dick and that’s when he punched me. ”
I reach up to touch my left eye, remembering the pain that spread across my face, feeling like my head would explode, remembering how easily it bruised and swelled.
“My head was spinning and I could barely keep my eyes open. When I finally snapped out of it, I was naked and so was he. He was on top of me, getting ready to… you know, and I remember thinking that this was it. He was going to rape me, and I’ve never been so scared in my life. ” I shiver from the memory.
“Jesus Christ, butterfly,” Killian sighs, shifting closer to me, reaching for my hands.
“My mind kept screaming at me to fight him. I couldn’t just give up.
He’d left a bottle of wine or something on the nightstand and I just grabbed it and I hit him over the head.
It didn’t knock him out completely but it weakened him enough for me to run.
And I ran. Grabbed my stuff and ran four blocks in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. ”
“Fuck... You were so fucking brave.” He squeezes my hands in both of his.
“I don’t know what it was about Daniel that made me not want to give myself to him.
Call me cliché but I always wanted my first time to be special, you know?
And when I thought of being with him like that, it just felt wrong.
” My eyes find his then. “The only man I’ve wanted like that is you,” I admit, my cheeks burning as I speak the words.
I pull my hands free of his and bury my face in them, angling away from him.
“I can’t believe I just said that…” I jump up off the sofa, wanting to bolt before I say anything else I’ll regret.
His hand shoots out, catching my elbow. “Kaia…”
“Don’t say anything, please.” I don’t turn around. I daren’t. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye right now. My face feels like it’s on fire.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I keep humiliating myself?
He rises to stand behind me. “Kaia, that night when you tried to kiss me, I—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off, already feeling that familiar wave of mortification I felt that night creeping back in. “You don’t have to explain. It’s fi—”
“I don’t kiss,” he interjects.
I slowly turn to face him as his words sink in.
“It’s something that I don’t—won’t—do. Ever. I should’ve told you, but you took me by surprise.”
He steps closer, only a hairsbreadth between us now, forcing me to crane my neck up to meet his eyes.
“But you wanna know what surprised me more?” In a flash, I’m in his arms, my legs around his waist as he lowers us down onto the sofa so I’m straddling his lap.
“I wanted to kiss you. I haven’t kissed anybody in over a decade.
Never wanted to.” His eyes dip to my mouth, the pad of his thumb running over the bottom of my lip.
“But I found myself wondering what your mouth tastes like and it scared me.”
All of the humiliation clawing at my insides and reddening my cheeks suddenly drains away as I stare into his eyes, finding only sincerity in them.
He brushes a loose strand of hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “I’m just sorry I left you thinking I didn’t want you because I do. Fuck, I want you so much, butterfly. More than I’ve ever wanted anyone.”
He wants me too.
My chest swells.
“What I’m saying is, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me,” he continues.