Chapter 32
I don’t know how long I’ve been pacing back and forth.
It could be minutes.
It could be hours.
It all feels the same, but I’m sure it’s enough to be wearing a hole in the carpet because all I can do is wait.
My head snaps towards the front window when I hear the sound of an engine in the hopes it’s Killian returning home, but just like the last time and the time before that, it’s just a car as it passes by.
I have no idea where Killian is, or why he tore out of here so fast. It has something to do with the messages I’ve been getting. I know he knows who’s sending them, but he didn’t stick around long enough to tell me and the not knowing is driving me crazy.
One thing I do know for sure is that the messages aren’t from some jealous ex like I thought. The look on Killian’s face as he read through the texts was evidence enough. Whatever meaning those texts hold for him, there’s no doubt they unsettled him.
Terrified him even. The flicker of fear that crossed his face was something I’ve never seen before and that’s the one thing that scares me the most. I know how he reacts when he’s angry, he uses his fists and brute force. But I have no idea how he reacts to being scared.
“Ow, fuck!” I hiss. I look down at my thumbnail. I’ve chewed all the way down to the quick and now it’s bleeding.
I feels so useless just standing here in the living room staring out of the window, but what else can I do? He told me to stay in the house and for whatever reason he asked me to do that, I don’t want to go against him.
I pull out my phone from my back pocket and dial his number.
“Damn you, Killian,” I mutter as the call goes to voicemail, again. “Killian, please. Where are you? I just need to know you’re okay. Call me back.” I hang up, then dial Jett’s number.
He picks up on the fourth ring. “Hey.”
“Is Killian with you?” I ask.
“No, he’s not here. Everything okay?”
I heavy a sigh. “He took off pretty quickly and I don’t know where he went. Will you call me if you see him?”
“Sure, babe. I’ll tell the guys to keep an eye out for him.”
“Thanks.”
There’s a rumble outside and I dart to the window just as Killian pulls into the driveway next to his truck.
“Wait, never mind. He’s here,” I tell Jett before hanging up.
I rush to the front door and tug it open just as Killian makes his way up to the porch. Without looking at me once, he brushes past me and disappears into the house, his eyes vacant.
Shutting the door, I follow him through the house. “Killian?”
He drops onto the couch, resting his elbows on his knees, burying his face in his hands.
I perch on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. “Where have you been? You’ve been gone for hours. I’ve been so worried.”
“Sorry.”
“What’s going on? I’m sorry if I upset you by not telling you about the messages, I didn’t want to worry you for no reason.”
He lifts his head to look at me. “Not upset with you, butterfly. Never you.”
“Killian, you told me you’d try to work out this relationship thing, that means sharing the parts of yourself no one else knows, sharing the burden you struggle to carry by yourself. Your problems are my problems. Talk to me.”
He shifts his gaze away from me, like he can’t bring himself to look at me directly. “The texts you’ve been getting, I know who’s been sending them. They’re from a guy I knew in prison.”
I frown. “O-kay…? But why would he be sending me those sorts of messages? Personal ones? Intimate ones?”
“To fuck with me. Mess with my head. It’s revenge for what happened back then, for what I did to him. You’ve gotta understand, I didn’t have a choice, I—I couldn’t take it anymore.” His voice cracks a little at the last part and my heart squeezes.
“Take what? Did you hurt him? Did he hurt you?”
“He—” He stops himself, scrubbing a hand over his beard as his knee bounces restlessly.
There’s a long pause before he lifts his head, the unshed tears swimming in his eyes are something I never expected to see there. “He raped me, Kaia.”