Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Eva
About ten days before Christmas, almost a month after Noah and I become inseparable, I decide to throw Gwen a housewarming/holiday party.
She’s, of course, all about the event, except for the fact that Rex will also be in attendance because it’s simply just too hard to keep him away.
Plus, knowing Rex, he’d probably show up anyway, invited or not.
An hour before guests are set to arrive, Noah, Michael, Rex, and Trevor come over to help set up. When everything is just about right, Gwen and I slip into the back room to get ready while the boys head out to the balcony on this unusually warm December evening in California, and enjoy a beer.
After a quick shower and refreshing my makeup and hair, I put on a little red dress that hugs my curves in all the right places.
If the weather is going to bless us and feel more like spring than winter, I’m taking full advantage of it before January hits and it’s typically wet and cold until spring.
“We’re ready,” I exclaim as Gwen and I step out of the back bedroom and make our way down the hallway. The boys have moved back inside and are now gathered around the countertop in the kitchen talking.
“Damn darlin’,” Noah says, grabbing and kissing me hard the second that I come within arm’s reach of him. I kiss him back in a hurry then push away slightly. Grabbing me tightly, he lays an overabundance of kisses all over, first on my cheek, then lower on my neck and collarbone.
“Stop, you’ll mess me all up,” I giggle, holding on to him as his weight pushes me slightly backward, giving him better access to my neck just like he likes. Truth be told though, he could mess me up all he wants.
“You know how hard it is for me to take my hands off of you once I start,” he growls.
“Get a room,” Gwen shouts.
“No problem,” Noah exclaims, picking me up by the waist and hauling me over his shoulder as he makes his way to my bedroom.
“Noah,” I giggle, slapping him on the back. “Put me down.”
He eventually obliges, and sets me down softly in the hallway. He wastes no time leaning into me.
“You’re all mine later, baby,” he growls. “I have plans for you and that sorry excuse of a dress you’re wearing.”
“Oh, you like it do you?” I tease, pushing my hips forward.
“I do, and so will every other man here tonight,” he says, licking his lips. “I’m not sure I like that.”
“You’re silly,” I manage. It’s an absolutely ridiculous response, but I don’t actually know what else to say.
“Darlin’, if they have half the thoughts that I have running through my mind, and I know they will, I will have to fight them off left and right,” he leans in and softly kisses my lips. “I don’t like the idea of other guys thinking horny thoughts about what’s mine.”
“Oh, I’m yours, huh?” I tease. “You own me, do you?”
I push away. Smiling, he grabs me from behind, and holds on to me as we walk back into the kitchen. He nuzzles my neck a little. The stubble of his five o’clock shadow, added to the sensation of him pressed against me from behind, makes me weak in the knees.
“Fuck, darlin’. Tonight, you’re mine. You can bet this sorry excuse of a dress on that.” His grip on my hips tightens as he whispers in my ear, “God you smell amazing.”
“Your relationship cuteness is on overload,” Gwen pushes past us as we walk into the kitchen with a glass of wine in her hand.
“So, Noah, next month’s the big move huh?” Trevor says, which stops me dead in my tracks and causes Noah to bump into me forcefully.
Move?
Where?
I’ve been with him practically every day and night since we met almost two months ago, and this is the first that I am hearing about any type of move. Looking up at him, I tremble slightly and hear Gwen’s voice in my head … “In the end, you always get burned.”
“Actually, I just signed a year’s lease at a studio apartment right in downtown Nevada City.
I Move in in two weeks,” Noah says. His reassuring stare holds me steady when everything else seems like it’s crashing down around me.
A small sense of calmness washes over me, but the burn inside still has not diminished completely.
I grab his arm trying to find relief. He grins at me, searching my eyes for how I’m feeling.
Looking away, I try to hide the trembling, the burn.
“I thought you were going to stay at my place?” Rex asks.
“Yeah, and I thought you might be kinda sick of me by now,” Noah laughs. “Plus, a place of my own offers a little more privacy,” he says, looking pointedly at Gwen.
“Thank God,” Gwen sighs. “These old walls definitely have ears.”
“You got a place downtown? How close is it? Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask warily.
“I wanted to be closer to you,” Noah smiles.
“Plus, it’s cheaper,” Gwen mumbles into her wine glass. Everyone’s attention immediately shoots towards her
“What?” she sasses. “It is.”
“I know someone else who’s cheap …” Rex starts to say.
“Oh shut up,” she says, shoving him slightly.
“If you wanted to touch me that bad, sweetheart, I can come a little closer,” Rex says. Walking directly towards her, he tries to cage her in between him and the counter. Huffing a little, she pushes around him and makes her way into the living room.
“We’re still on for you to help with that addition at the club right?” Rex asks Noah.
“Sure thing,” Noah grins. “As long as you spread the word about who did the work.”
“Well this calls for a toast,” Michael suggests, raising his glass. “To friends. The old and the new. Glad you’re sticking around, buddy.”
We cheers, and Noah continues to thank his friends as one by one they tell him how happy they are that he is staying.
I escape to the balcony. He quickly follows.
As I turn around to meet his gaze, he swoops me up in a big hug and doesn’t let me go.
At first, I giggle in his arms, and fight back playfully.
Soon, I become quiet, and grab hold of him tightly.
“I didn’t know you had plans to leave,” I whisper into his chest.
“Darlin’, you should know by now that I could never leave you.”
He kisses me on the top of my head.
“I’m glad you’re staying. But I never thought you had any intention of leaving.” I pause for a moment, hopeful my statement sinks in. “It would have broken my heart if you left,” I admit in a whisper.
“Just the thought of leaving you broke my heart. That’s why I knew I had to stay. I can barely leave your side for less than a day, Eva. How could I move and suddenly be thousands of miles away?”
I lean in to kiss him, but my heart is still shaken from the thought of him possibly leaving, and I pause. I hadn’t thought him leaving me was ever an option, only me possibly leaving him one day.
He senses my indecision, and grabs me close, then quickly crashes his lips against mine.
I open up to him, let his tongue press seductively against mine, but for a brief moment, I don’t feel the same in his arms. Something has changed, and I want desperately to change it back, but I don’t know if I can.
The thought of Noah leaving rattles me so much that I remain quiet most of the night.
The trio—Rex, Michael, and Trevor—leave shortly after 2:00 am. Noah and I sit in silence, nestled into one side of my couch. He strokes the top of my head as I stare off in deep thought.
“Well,” Gwen says, pushing herself out of her seat in the chair across the room. “I think I have had all I can for one night.” She steadies herself on her feet, then glances our way. “Thank you for my party. I believe I will drag myself to bed and leave you two love birds alone.”
“Goodnight,” I call out after her.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she teases as she walks to her room.
As she leaves, and Noah and I are left alone, a million thoughts rush through my mind and make me nauseated. The fact that I’ve been left alone with them all night has made them multiply like the plague. A mind plague that has prevented me from enjoying the evening like I should have.
There is a wall building between Noah and I, and all I want to do is break it down.
“Your silence was not anticipated,” Noah whispers, interrupting my last thought.
I sense hurt in his voice. He never gets up, never stops running his fingers through my hair, and waits patiently for a response.
“I’m just tired,” I lie.
I want things to be great between us. Sensing that we might be upon our first argument makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to ruin our new relationship buzz. Even though I know everything can’t be perfect forever, I don’t want our kind of perfect to end.
“When I signed that lease, I was happier than I have ever been. I couldn’t wait to share the news with you,” Noah says, obviously fully aware of what caused my sudden change in mood tonight.
“I walked around the apartment and thought of no one else. I actually saw us in every corner, in every space.” He laughs nervously.
“I never let myself imagine things like that. But I did with you. Now I feel like that was stupid …”
Hearing him refer to himself and us as stupid, my head shoots up from his shoulder, and I quickly cut him off.
“You’re not stupid. Don’t say that. I just …
” I trail off, collecting the thoughts I have been trying so hard to make sense of.
Taking a deep breath, I pause. I pause for seconds that turn into minutes.
Noah sits quietly, patiently waiting for me to continue.
Soon, a lonely tear rolls down my cheek.
“Why are you crying? Darlin’, don’t cry,” Noah grabs hold of my hands tightly, sits taller and braces himself for what’s coming next.
“I never thought,” I cry, “that one day you might leave me. When we first met, you told me you were from another state. Well, I threw away every idea of seeing you ever again. And even though the thought of you tugged at my heart, and hope consumed me, I thought I knew deep down inside you would never be in my life again. Seeing you at my parent’s house, I was so excited and I just assumed you had to live here.
I let myself fall for you, thinking you would always be around.
Tonight, when I heard you were leaving, my heart broke in a way I never thought it could.
In a way I never ever want to feel again. ”
“But I’m not leaving,” Noah asserts sternly.
“I know that now, but the fear shook me so badly … I’ve never experienced anything like it.
I can’t explain it. And in a weird way, it still hurts.
I don’t want to keep you from anything in life.
I don’t want to make you regret chances you never took because of me.
I don’t know what you had planned before we met, but I don’t want to be a reason why it didn’t work out! ”
“Eva,” Noah says sternly, “you would never be something I could ever regret.”
“You say that now, but what about later? I mean, it’s only been two months, Noah. Can you honestly tell me everything you thought you wanted can wait, or possibly never happen because you met me? If you had hopes and dreams back home …” I trail off, not knowing where to go from here.
Noah searches my eyes, and I try my best to keep up my guard. I try to look mad enough to make him take me seriously, but soft enough to hopefully see my heart. Above all, I want him to know that he has an out. If he’s going to take it, it has to be now, before I invest any more of my time.
“I made my choice,” he says confidently.
“But what if it’s the wrong choice,” I ask quietly, looking down at our hands laced together.
“I love you,” he whispers. Glancing back up quickly, Noah smiles. “Did you know that? If loving you is wrong, darlin’, I’ll take my chances.”
Startled, I wait for the burn. I wait for the sickness. But it doesn’t come.
“I love you, too,” I whisper back.
Pulling me close, he pauses briefly, before playfully saying, “And what if that’s the wrong choice?”
Smiling, I sass, “Then I’ll take my chances.”
Staring deep into my eyes, I wait for him to kiss me.
But he doesn’t. After a moment, Noah pulls me to my feet.
Grabbing my waist, he hoists me up in the air, and I jump, anticipating his move.
Wrapping my legs around his middle, he holds me in his arms. My eyes fall to Noah’s lips.
Slowly, he starts to walk toward my bedroom.
My heart quickens. My body feels euphoric.
The way Noah stares into my eyes tells me we’re done talking.
Tonight, he’s taking what he wants, and not holding back.