Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Noah
Sitting on the front porch of my childhood home, Loretta Lynn’s “Coal Miner’s Daughter” drifts through the open windows as a storm rolls closer in the distance.
Returning home from work earlier, I grabbed some sweet tea and claimed the spot I have been sitting in for almost an hour now, still unable to escape the memory of what I left behind several weeks ago.
Lately, I have been doing better, but this morning I woke up in a cold sweat after seeing her face haunt me in my dreams all night. Remembering her taste, the feel of her skin against mine, and everything that we once were has consumed me all day.
Staring off into the distance, I watch the sky, as the clouds roll and blend together.
The humidity picks up and the wind blows violently, the sky grows black as the storm quickly approaches.
It is only a matter of minutes before we feel the effects of what has already hit a few towns over.
A gust of wind smacks the front door closed as I welcome the fresh breeze against my skin.
Moving back home with my mother is not something I am proud of having to do.
I thought I would be so much further ahead in life by now, but it is only temporary.
A few more weeks and I will have finally saved enough to get my own place again after paying off the lease in California.
The trip across the country set me back a little as well, so when my mother said I could stay with her, I reluctantly accepted and began to contact all my old friends looking for any work possible.
Giving up on construction for a while, I took a job at the local fire department.
“Uncle Noah, are you going to come play with me now?” a sweet little voice sounds from just behind the screen door.
I smile as I look over to see the blue-eyed, blonde-haired little four-year-old girl with paint smeared across her cheek.
Her overalls are dirty from playing outside earlier before the storm started brewing, and her hair is a mess, halfway pulled up with bangs plastered to her forehead.
I stand happily and make my way toward Anna May.
“Of course darlin’,” I say. A grin appears instantly on her sweet face as she runs back off into the house.
As I open the door and step inside, I feel the tension I was feeling moments before slowly start to ease in my shoulders.
Walking into the kitchen situated down the hallway and to my right, I take in my mother at the small kitchen island.
She’s busy canning some of her famous preserves from the homegrown strawberries Anna May helped her pick from the garden out back.
My niece is at the small round kitchen table, painting a picture that I can barely make out.
One which will absolutely be placed on the fridge with all her others when she’s done.
“This is Buddy, bobby’s doggie,” she sticks out her tongue, and concentrates as she slops up more paint and continues finishing her masterpiece. “He came over to play with me lasterday and he licked me all over my face.”
Anna May giggles as she continues to paint a picture of a big black blob. I pick her up and set her in my lap, watching her swirl every color of the rainbow into a big circle next to a stick figure of Bobbie’s dog.
“Buddy huh, he looks kind of hairy to me.”
My mother smiles at me across the room, and continues to hum along with the music.
“Mhm,” Anna May giggles. “Momma says one day we can get a doggie, too. Do you like doggies, Uncle Noah?”
I kiss the top of her head and lean in to whisper in her ear. “I love doggies Anna May. Just like I love you. Only I don’t know, I think I might like doggies more.”
She looks up at me and rolls her eyes. “Uncle Noah, you can’t love anything more than me, remember? I’m your favorite.”
Laughing I hug her a little tighter as she pulls me from the nightmares I’ve been trying to escape all day.
“You sure are darlin’,” I whisper. “Just don’t tell your MeeMaw that.”
She giggles some more and wiggles in my lap as my mother glances up at us across the room. Placing another can in the pressure cooker, she wipes her hands on her apron.
“How’s work going baby? You came home today and took straight to that front porch. You doing ok, honey?”
I know my mother worries about me, even more so since I showed back up in town and didn’t want to offer much of any sort of explanation. But I try not to worry her much, especially after my father’s death, so I shrug and fake a smile.
My mother never asked why I returned home with just the clothes on my back after being gone so long.
She never pried as I threw myself back into my old life - until now.
But that kind of conversation is not for little ears which are attached to one of life’s most precious gifts, who is currently sitting on my lap, and plopping paint on a piece of paper that is growing smaller and smaller by the minute with the number of different colors she is swirling about.
The front door slaps open and it isn’t long before I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. My sister rounds the corner just as Anna May flies out of my lap to greet her mother.
“Momma, Momma! Come look. I painted a picture of Buddy from lasterday!”
Anna May happily exclaims as she jumps into her mother’s arms. My sister grabs her daughter in a big bear hug and then puts her down.
Taking off her apron from the diner she works at back in town, she releases a heavy sigh.
Being a single mother has taken a toll on her.
She hides it well though, in only the way a mother can.
Jolene walks over to the table to see what Anna May has painted.
“Awe Baby, I love it. Can we take this one home with us,” she asks, before walking over to where our mother is mixing her preserves together on the stove.
Dipping her finger in, she gets a smack from my mother before smiling and walking to the fridge to pull out a bottle of sweet Kentucky wine.
Pouring herself a glass, she pulls off her shoes and comes to sit with us at the kitchen table.
My sister was the only one I let myself confide in when I returned home. Knowing most of the story behind what happened a few years back with Becky, I needed to talk to someone besides Rex. Sensing my mood, my sister nudges me slightly and asks, “You ok today?”
I nod as Anna May runs off into the living room to watch a cartoon that has just come on the TV.
Ever busy, I’ve realized since I have been back it is best to keep multiple things running in order to occupy the four-year-old’s energy and mind.
Having not seen her since she was almost two years old, a lot has changed since then - like my sister losing her husband to an opioid addiction which landed him in jail.
It’s something both women in the room kept hidden from me while I was off on the West Coast chasing a dream that eventually shattered.
“Doing alright,” I lie. “How was work?”
My question is met with a roll of the eyes as she glances behind me to look into the living room and keep an eye on her daughter.
Anna May is now dancing to whatever kid’s show just came on.
She smiles watching her daughter from afar, and I notice the sadness that lurks just behind the facade she has learned to hide behind in the two years since I have been gone.
“Nothing matters when I can come home to that little girl right there.” Anna May dances around and shouts back at the TV when she is told to by the crazy out-of-the-world-looking characters dancing and singing on the screen in front of her.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, Noah,” my mother says. “Two women came by here looking for you earlier. Could tell from a mile away they weren’t from around here. Looked a lot like someone I’d expect you’d meet in California. I told them you’d be back later this evening.”
Not believing what I just heard, I look back my mother’s way, shake my head a few times and ask, “Are you sure they were looking for me?”
She only nods. “I asked them if they would like to wait. It was only about an hour or so before you were supposed to come home. A redhead and a blonde, that’s right. But they said no. They’d stop back by later.”
I turn to look at my sister. She smiles, then starts to laugh. I roll my eyes at her, then shove her to get her to stop, which only makes her laugh harder as she takes another sip of her wine.
“Lovely girls,” my mother continues. “The blonde was much shyer than the red head. A little nervous if you ask me. Pretty little things. Anna May took a liking to them, too. Asked them to come in and play with her. You never told me you made any woman friends over there, Noah. If you had, I may have been more prepared.”
My mother finishes speaking and a knock sounds at the screen door. A few seconds later, Anna May says, “Hi! Did you come back to play with me? I painted a picture of a doggie, want to see?”
My mother smiles as she makes her way toward the front door. My sister smirks as she raises from the kitchen table.
“You coming lover boy,” she taunts.
She makes her way toward the door with her wine glass in hand. My palms grow sweaty. It isn’t possible.
“Noah, company is here to see you, honey,” my mother calls from the front room, but I can’t force myself to make my way toward a past I never thought I’d see again.
Eventually, I stand.
“Noah Ryan, don’t be rude!” My mother scolds from the front room.
I close my eyes and count to five. Slowly, I turn and put one foot in front of the other as I prepare to face a woman I never thought I’d see again.