Chapter 56
fifty-six
. . .
The engine had been cold for an hour, but I hadn’t moved.
Over the last few weeks, Ishika tried in vain to shove me away, to pretend she hated me, attempting to make me pay for leaving her after the ambush.
I let her play her little game of independence, let her believe the engagement meant I’d stay away.
Not even traveling between Boston and Manhattan mattered much.
Because she quickly learned that despite wearing another man’s ring, she still warmed my sheets when I demanded it. I took what I wanted, nights where she forgot her name and screamed mine and I’d continue to do so until I got rid of the fucker.
Ajay was poison, the engagement a farce, they wanted something from her, and I needed to find out what. He was a pawn, moved by an invisible hand I hadn’t yet identified. Not his father or her uncle, but someone with enough reach to move people around like chess pieces.
Only, there was just one important piece they hadn’t counted on. Who was truly watching her back.
The door opening to the hospital staff entrance drew my gaze.
Ishika stepped out, her white coat flaring around her as she descended the metal steps.
Surprised she was still in her hospital garb, I glanced at the time.
If her shift was over, why wasn’t she dressed in street clothes?
About to start the car, I stopped, my fingers resting on the wheel, my gaze on her.
She paused on the second stair, her head bent forward and hands hiding her face.
Another second passed and she sat down heavily.
She wiped her eyes, and something snapped around my heart when I realized she was crying.
But more concerning was that foreign feeling squeezing my ribcage.
I was out of the car and crossing the parking lot before I could question my hasty reaction.
Frowning, I stopped at the bottom of the steps and stared at her huddled figure, her shaking shoulders the only hint she was crying.
I climbed up two stairs, bringing me to her eye level if she looked up.
“Ishika?”
Her head snapped upward. Red, watery eyes stared at me, their usual defiance drowning. A sharp pinch in my chest, almost painful and unrecognizable, threatened to derail me.
“Please, Remo…”
It was the first time I’d ever seen her look so uncertain. She never doubted herself, instead she went in full force, not scared of anything, least of all me. Yet somehow the hesitancy in her tone made the direction of her request clear. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed.
“I can’t do this with you tonight. Please…” her voice cracked. She was asking me to leave her alone.
I couldn’t.
Fuck. I didn’t do this emotional shit. “Who hurt you?” I heard myself growling, anger quickly converging over any other feeling.
She dropped her eyes to my chest, shaking her head. “I can’t…Please.”
“Look at me,” I demanded.
She did as I asked, a single tear beading the corner of her lashes. Maybe one day I’d ask myself why I did it but leaning forward and pressing my lips softly to the droplet startled me as much as it did her. Her eyes wide, she gaped at me.
Without thought, I cradled her face, keeping my normally aggressive touch light. “Why are you crying?”
Her lashes lowered, concealing her eyes before she dragged in a deep breath. “I lost my first patient today. Just twenty-five with her whole future ahead of her and telling her parents they’d never see their beloved daughter again…” She burst into tears.
Something scorched the inside of my throat, and I swallowed back the aching lump. Fuck. What was this? Why now? I fucked. I didn’t care and I didn’t get tangled in anything other than bed sheets.
Jesus fucking Christ.
The last time I’d felt the burden of agony on my chest, I was just a boy learning about emotion and its repercussions.
Then I became a man overnight, and those types of feelings became inconsequential.
Yet, watching this woman give into that pain of losing a total stranger brought back a tidal wave of passion I’d probably never survive despite being a fucking strong swimmer.
Silently cursing, I turned up the self-loathing and focused on her.
“Maybe I’m the last person you want to hear this from, little fox and maybe it’s not the best fucking advice right now but people die all the time and you’re a doctor.
Master that emotion if you want to succeed in this field or change it. ”
She laughed but there was no bliss in the sound, only dry sarcasm. “God, you’re such an ass.” She jerked her face out of my hold.
“I’m an ass, yes,” I gritted, grasping her arms to keep her from rising.
“But put yourself into a situation of six seriously injured people landing in your care at the same time, will you still be able to do your job effectively? Will you still muster enough strength to save at least one of them or save five and lose one? Or would you fucking cave and lose them all?” My words were harsh, grating yet I needed her to see her potential, understand her destiny.
Tell me she could handle it without losing her shit.
Because this was just the beginning for her.
I felt her body go slack before blowing out a deep breath to compose herself. “I don’t know,” she whispered, her watery brown eyes filled with resignation.
“You have time, don’t waste it.”
She frowned. “Time?”
Slowly, I nodded. “Mastering emotion takes time, but only you can decide whether you want to win or lose, whether you want to subjugate or liberate, surrender or conquer.”
“Didn’t take you for the philosophical type.” She smiled, wiping her tears.
“Maybe because you see me as nothing more than a monster who likes to fuck you.” My lips twitched. She rolled her eyes, rising. “Have dinner with me tonight?”
Her jaw dropped, her eyes round marbles of shock.
I grinned. Strangely, I liked surprising this woman. I could easily argue it brought a sense of satisfaction, but I knew better.
“Are you asking me out on a date, Mr. Rossi?” I didn’t miss the sarcasm in her words.
“Or I could just have you for dinner?” My brow shot up; my smirk full blown.
Shaking her head, she turned her back on me and climbed the three steps to the door. There, she paused with her hand on the knob then looked down at me. “What about breakfast instead?”
“I’ll fetch you.” I strode away before she could answer.
Something was seriously wrong with me. I didn’t date or do breakfast. A healthy smoothie followed my gym routine gave me plenty energy. Why the fuck had I suggested a meal?
“You’re losing your shit, Remo.” Sliding behind the wheel of my car, I rested my elbow on the door, my eyes on the spot Ishika had vacated.
The first time I came close to feeling anything remotely romantic, I was a kid looking for salvation but even that was snatched from me, like every other thing that meant something in my life.
Rubbing my thumb over my bottom lip, a slow smile snaked over my tense expression. I might hate this hold she was beginning to have over me, admittedly it was refreshing.
Sometimes, a man just wants to be a man.
Lost in the whole date shit, I’d walked into, I didn’t realize why I took the chopper back to Manhattan until the silent slide of the elevator doors opened into Lorenzo’s penthouse suite opened and I stepped inside unannounced.
The apartment was quiet in that expensive, controlled way my brother preferred. Clean lines. Thick glass. No unnecessary noise or clutter.
“Jesus—” Rayden snapped on his way from the kitchen to the living room; a bag of Cheetos tucked under his arm and a can of coke in each hand.
So disgustingly domesticated for someone dating into a family that buried problems in concrete.
“Do you ever announce yourself, or is subtlety illegal in your bloodline?”
I smirked, loosening my jacket. “Relax. If I was here to kill you, you’d already be on the floor.”
“Comforting.” He rolled his eyes, following me into the living room that showcased an expanse of Manhattan beyond the floor to ceiling windows.
Lorenzo sat on a couch, jacket off, shirt sleeves rolled, a Tablet in one hand. He looked up the second I entered, nodded a greeting and set the device down. Rayden handed him a coke and held the other out to me.
“Thanks.” I shook my head. “I need something stronger.” I headed for the bar where I poured a stiff drink and downed it in one go then poured another. When I turned around, two pairs of eyes studied me while tension rode my ass.
“Something’s wrong.” Rayden placed his snacks on a side table next to his seat, his eyes searching for a crack in my rigid demeanor.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I muttered, taking a drink.
He snorted. “That’s never true when you show up uninvited, looking like you’re about to negotiate with God and you don’t like the odds.”
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath, hating how well the fucker fitted into our lives even if Lorenzo made sure our world didn’t touch his.
“What’s up, Remo?” my brother asked.
I exhaled through my nose, my fingers tightening around the glass. “I want to take Ishika out.”
Silence.
Then Rayden laughed. Not a soft polite chuckle but a full, unfiltered laugh that bent him forward, hands braced on his hips as if he needed the support. I glared at him and he laughed harder. “Oh, my fucking God, you’re not joking,” he managed when he stopped choking on his mirth, wiping his eyes.
I tensed, ready to end his fucking life until my eyes shifted to my brother’s face and the smile he was trying hard to hide. “Fuck, not you too,” I growled, earning a chuckle from him. “Never mind.” I set the glass down on the bar with a hard thump and crossed the room toward the door.
“Remo,” Lorenzo called out, his tone both gentle and commanding. I stopped, took a deep breath and glanced over my shoulder. “Come sit, Fratello.” He tapped the seat next to him.
I shifted my gaze to Rayden and the fucker had the decency to look apologetic.
“Give him a chance, baby,” Lorenzo coaxed his fuckboy.
Shaking my head, I returned to my brother’s side and took a seat. “I don’t want to fuck it up,” I admitted.
“You want advice?” Rayden asked, smirking.
“Careful,” I warned, my eyes daring him to laugh again.
“Do you blame me?” He dropped into his chair. “I mean this is unprecedented, right?” A shrug. “You don’t date. You don’t go out. You fuck, you interrogate, you intimidate, you disappear.” He wasn’t wrong.
I scowled. “Your point?”
“You don’t allow anyone to get close, Remo.”
The statement caught me off guard. How well did this boy know me? I glanced at my brother and his brow went up, telling me he agreed.
He sighed. “What do you need from him?” he asked, tipping his chin at Rayden.
“Direction,” I replied.
Rayden laughed once, incredulous. “Why me?”
“You live with a Don and you’re still alive. That counts.”
Lorenzo grinned while Rayden folded his arms, eyeing me steadily. “Fine. First rule. Don’t try to impress her.”
I scoffed. “I don’t impress.”
“You dominate,” he corrected. “Different thing. Don’t do that.”
“And if someone disrespects her?”
Lorenzo answered before Rayden could. “You handle it. Quietly.” The single word warned he wouldn’t tolerated my usual deranged creativity. Not that he could control me.
“Do you know what she likes?” Rayden asked.
Dragging a hand through my hair, I gave his question some thought. Then sat back, frustrated. I had no fucking idea what she liked. “I guess she won’t want what I usually offer.”
Rayden’s expression shifted, just a fraction. Interest replacing disbelief. “She wants effort,” he scoffed.
I shot him sharp look. “She wants honesty.”
He laughed “You’re so screwed.”
“Say that again.” I straightened, ready to go a round or two with him.
“Chill, will you.” He held up a hand as if that would shield him from me. “I meant you’re really trying. Which is worse. Because now you can’t fake it.”
“The fuck.” I clenched my jaw. “I’ve never faked anything in my life.”
“Right,” Rayden replied, dryly. “You just terrorize sincerity into submission.”
I considered that revelation for a moment. “She scares me.” The words were out before I could stop them.
Instead of laughter, both men looked at each other, their expressions undisguised surprise. Silence lingered, stiffening my spine with each breath.
“That’s new,” Lorenzo remarked, his gaze never leaving my face.
“She doesn’t flinch,” I explained, remembering Ishika’s reactions to my world since meeting me. She might call me a monster but there was no fear. “Doesn’t want or ask for protection. Doesn’t pretend she doesn’t see what I am.”
“And that bothers you?” Lorenzo asked.
“It complicates things.”
“So,” Rayden said. “What do you want from this outing?”
I didn’t answer right away, instead I studied my hands, a killer’s hands. They had no right holding a woman like her. “Strangely, I want her to smile without it costing her something.”
Rayden exhaled softly. “Okay. That’s a start.”
“Don’t get sentimental.” I strove for my usual indifference.
“I won’t.” He grinned. “But if you want my advice, forget a restaurant. Take her somewhere that calms you, a place you forget to be Remo, the brutal underboss and become just a man.” He looked at Lorenzo, his smile unadulterated affection. “Somewhere that doesn’t threaten her or you.”
Where the fuck could I take her without being recognized. The Rossi named controlled most States, starting with New York. I pushed up from the seat. “I’ll give it some thought.”
“Oh,” Rayden added. “Don’t buy her something expensive, rather go for something that says you were paying attention.”
I paused, giving my chin a rub. “If this goes badly, I’m blaming you.”
He smiled. “If it goes well, you’ll pretend this conversation never happened.”
“You know me well, fuckface,” I taunted, reminding him who I was. He scowled and Lorenzo laughed. “Night.” I headed for the exit.
“Remo?” My brother stopped me. I turned. “There’s quiet beauty in imperfection for men like us and the right person will look beyond that limitation, if they care.” He glanced at Rayden, his expression softening then back at me. “Something tells me she does so don’t try too hard. Just be yourself.”
My answer was just a simple nod before I left.
In the basement, I lit a cigarette, taking a long drag.
Thoughts of her messed with my head. As I drove, I wondered what she’d say if she knew I asked for help to take her on a fucking date and immediately crushed the thought.
“Christ, Remo, wake the fuck up. She doesn’t belong in your world.
” Turning up the volume on the radio, I hit the gas and let the speed steal my attention.