Chapter 15
The moon was high in the sky but partially obscured by a single cloud as Gramlithyn raced over the land.
His hooves easily ate up the distance from one end of the park next to his new home to the other, so he turned swiftly with barely a pause in his rapid pace.
Both man and zebra were committed to tiring themselves and enjoying the cooler air provided by the night.
Evening runs had become habitual in the past two weeks thanks to the uncomfortable living arrangement of sharing a roof with Pyxlevir.
Not that the Valzadari elf was doing anything to contribute to the awkwardness.
Each morning, Pyxlevir rose and hurried off to work, leaving Gramlithyn to his own devices.
Since Gramlithyn was a coward, he stuffed dinner into his body prior to Pyxlevir’s return from his job and avoided everyone but Dasan.
The hummingbird never failed to miss an opportunity to point out to Gramlithyn that he was wasting his time.
It was wonderful to have a friend who supported your matebond, but Gramlithyn didn’t require the reminder of his idiocy.
Gramlithyn knew he was a fool. He was also aware that he lacked bravery.
So did his zebra, which was why Gramlithyn was shifting daily.
The beast wanted Pyxlevir and had no patience for how horridly Gramlithyn was handling conversations with their other half.
That meant Gramlithyn desperately needed to pull himself together.
The problem was he didn’t have the first clue where to begin.
While Gramlithyn had piddled away the past six years, Pyxlevir had lived his life.
What did they have left in common? The elf didn’t even rank carrots as his top vegetable any longer, unless their trip to the grocery store had been an anomaly.
His hooves thundered across the dirt, and the dust flew up into his striped fur, making his nostrils flare. Although he wanted to race outside forever, fatigue was creeping in, so he charged to the oversized bathroom with an area provided for shifters to change in and out of their clothes.
Gramlithyn stopped outside the building and envisioned his elf body.
The four thin legs he’d raced on morphed into his human limbs; his fur changed to the pear-green skin he’d inherited from his father.
Soon, he was no longer a zebra but a slightly tattooed elf.
Gramlithyn made his way swiftly to his clothes and tugged on his T-shirt, boxers, and sweats.
Dressed, he sat to pull on socks and shoes.
He dragged a hand through his hair and didn’t bother to glance in a mirror as he left the bathroom.
The walk to the apartment building was quick, and he didn’t encounter anyone else, which suited his mood.
It would take too much effort to smile or otherwise appear friendly.
Gramlithyn took the elevator upstairs and used his programmed identification card to let himself into his home, where he would live for the next eleven or so months.
As the door shut behind him, Gramlithyn heard a noise, and his heartbeat quickened.
He didn’t want to scare anyone again, so Gramlithyn called out a hello.
The kitchen light flipped on to reveal Pyxlevir in a pair of lavender pajamas decorated with little lambs. Gramlithyn had once worn fun nightwear in a variety of fabrics made for him by Larissa, but all he had left were two faded pairs.
“Hi,” Pyxlevir said. He was standing near the fridge and had a container of broccoli in his hand.
“Sorry if I scared you.”
“I guessed it was you this time when I heard the door.”
“Good,” Gramlithyn replied, not daring to make eye contact as he snagged lemonade from the fridge and splashed some into a tall glass.
“Yeah,” Pyxlevir muttered as he grabbed a seat at the island and dug into his snack.
Gramlithyn emptied his drink in two gulps. Ravenous, he plucked an apple from the fridge and took a healthy bite as he gathered his courage.
“So, um…I wanted to apologize,” Gramlithyn said.
“It was my choice to leave Vegas, and I shouldn’t have given you shit about it last weekend.
Not that I want to make excuses for myself or anything, but being back here has stirred up all kinds of stuff.
I know rumors fly through the family, so I’m sure you’ve already heard about my little aborted trip to Europe.
That’s where I thought I’d be now, so I’m making this shit up as I go along. ”
“You can’t go to Europe, it’s illegal.”
“I know, and Dasan and I got caught by the fallen knights. The druid we hired set us up. The next thing I know, Drystan and Conley are telling me to either get my ass home or I’m basically going to jail.”
“I didn’t know that.”
Gramlithyn dared glance at Pyxlevir and didn’t miss the surprise in his lovely blue eyes. “Interesting, I figured they would’ve told everyone by now.”
“So, you weren’t planning on doing anything about Fate before then.”
It was a statement, not a question, but for some inexplicable reason, Gramlithyn shook his head.
If he had any chance of ever convincing Pyxlevir he was a worthy mate, honesty was imperative.
The last thing they needed was a foundation with any lies or half-truths.
Baring his soul wouldn’t be an easy task, but it was a necessary one.
“No, but once I was here, I decided I needed to face the future.”
Pyxlevir’s gaze narrowed. “You realized that you had a matebond still lying around and it wasn’t going away.”
“I’m a shifter. My zebra never lets me forget that I have a mate.”
“So, your zebra is the impetus to dissolve your matebond?”
The zebra in question whinnied sharply in Gramlithyn’s head, so he took a steadying breath and borrowed his beast’s bravery. “I vowed to be open to every option, and I meant it.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Gramlithyn cleared his throat and had to drop his chin to break eye contact with Pyxlevir. “You’re right, I didn’t.”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” Pyxlevir said, his voice vibrating with what Gramlithyn assumed was fury.
“After six years you show up and want me to uproot my life so you can get what you want, which I’ve done.
Despite being the son of a Chieftain and a full-blooded elf raised with thousands of years of tradition, you want me to defy everything I’ve learned.
At the same time, you can’t even answer a simple question.
What am I supposed to do other than assume you were being honest last weekend when you told me I should be grateful that you left so you weren’t forced into a matebond you didn’t want. ”
“What if I can’t tell you the truth because it’d scare you?”
The barstool scraped across the floor as Pyxlevir stood. Pyxlevir stalked toward him and didn’t stop until he was a foot from Gramlithyn. Their eyes met, and Gramlithyn admired the way Pyxlevir lifted his chin in defiance. Nothing scared Pyxlevir.
“Try me, Gramlithyn.”
Gramlithyn dragged his hands down his face as his zebra snorted almost violently in his head, demanding that his half-elf ass find his courage.
“Okay,” Gramlithyn said. He swallowed thickly. “My zebra is instinctual. Fate paired him, and that’s it. He doesn’t understand our obstacles, but thankfully, he’s patient and hasn’t revolted.”
They stared at each for several charged seconds. Pyxlevir blinked slowly, breaking whatever spell had locked them in place.
“Six years is a long time to fight with your beast,” Pyxlevir eventually remarked.
“Since you want honesty, I’ll tell you it was easier with distance. Now that we’re under the same roof, he is antsier. Shifting helps, and it also clears my head.”
“So, tonight I’ve learned that you had no immediate plans to return to Vegas and our matebond is causing a growing rift between you and your beast.”
“Basically,” Gramlithyn acknowledged. After another cleansing breath, he forced himself to stare into the azure eyes that haunted his dreams. “You deserve to know that I’m sorry for the past six years. It probably wasn’t the best decision to run off.”
“Probably?”
“Okay, it wasn’t the wisest choice.”
Pyxlevir crossed his arms, and Gramlithyn desperately wished he could read his expression, but too much sat between them for their friendship to have survived their separation. “Then why did you do it?”
“I’d think that was pretty obvious. We’re both the sons of Chieftains.
The moment we told anyone about our matebond, we’d be at D’Vaire with wreaths on our heads and an athame cutting our hands to seal us for eternity.
I didn’t want either of us forced into that.
The last thing I wanted was to be a victim of tradition. ”
“Is this where I’m supposed to apologize for Fate making you a victim?”
“No, that was a poor choice of words,” Gramlithyn said, wishing he could slap some sense into himself as his zebra whinnied with disapproval.
“Maybe this is the reason I ran—because I can’t express myself properly.
Look, all I wanted was for the matebond in my life to mean something for me and my partner.
We were best friends who lacked sexuality until Fate barged in with her choice.
Three fucking days is not long enough to decide that eternity is going to work for anyone, not even two people who were as close as we were then. ”
“I agree.”
“You do?”
“Yes, three days is nonsense,” Pyxlevir stated.
“I agree with you. Yes, I was raised with elven traditions, but this is my life. I’m not making an eternal choice in seventy-two hours, which is something you would’ve known if you’d asked me instead of running off without a word.
Just like the traditions you rebelled against, you took away my options.
You never asked me what I wanted. You decided our matebond wasn’t for you and left.
Like Fate, you altered everything without my consent. ”
Gramlithyn bobbed his head as he bit back tears.
Pyxlevir was right. But although Gramlithyn wanted to be honest, he wasn’t ready to bare his soul and admit that he’d left because his heart was broken.
Even now, he could vividly remember the shock on Pyxlevir’s face the day he’d discovered what Fate had done to them.
“I’m sorry,” Gramlithyn whispered.
“I want to accept your apology, but I’m still pissed.
You didn’t only take away my choices; you robbed me of my best fucking friend.
Now, that boy I knew is gone. We’re grown up, and we must make adult choices.
It’s imperative we weigh tradition, Fate, and our lives moving forward as we wade through this next year.
Because at the end of the day, I have to explain this shit to my family.
My guess is you’ll run off again regardless of who it hurts if that’s what suits you. ”
Gramlithyn couldn’t argue with Pyxlevir’s assessment.
If he didn’t find some way to convince Pyxlevir to consider him a proper mate, he would leave Vegas behind forever.
Fate wouldn’t forget Pyxlevir, and he’d wind up with someone else who suited him perfectly.
Gramlithyn would be damned if he’d sit around and watch someone else share their life with Pyxlevir. His zebra snorted in agreement.
“It would be easier to start fresh somewhere else,” Gramlithyn concurred. “However, we both agreed to consider every possibility. I’m worried about what I’m doing next week, not what awaits me in a year.”
“I feel marginally better knowing you were honest about our agreement with the twins and your friend, Dasan.”
“It’s my fault, and I’m aware of that, but this isn’t easy.
I promise to be as truthful as I can about everything.
You’ve been far kinder than I deserve, and I appreciate it.
You have every right to ignore me if we’re alone and slap a smile on your face whenever our housemates are around to convince them we’re trying.
No one would blame you for going through the motions for twelve months, or at least I certainly wouldn’t.
But you’ve been nice despite how pissed you are at me. ”
“Because I’m not a liar and I honor Fate as I was taught. It remains to be seen if she was right or if we can overcome the obstacles she didn’t intend, but I made a commitment. I intend to do my part.”
“Thank you, and for what’s it worth, I apologize again. I have plenty of regrets about the things I’ve done in the past six years, but dwelling on them won’t change anything or make my decisions any easier to understand or accept.”
“That may be true, but clarity is also important, so I hope you strive to be honest with me. That is what I’d appreciate, anyway.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Pyxlevir nodded and, without another word, scooped his dish off the island and dunked it into the dishwasher.
Gramlithyn watched him disappear into the darkened hallway off the kitchen and sagged against the counter.
His heart felt lighter, but he wasn’t sure why—or if anything they’d discussed had hurt or helped his cause to have Pyxlevir as his bonded mate.
Time, he supposed, would tell.