Chapter 21 #2
The next day, I met Aidan for dinner using the glamour I had when he’d crashed a meeting to meet me. Thinking of that demon and how much I still wanted to pound his face in was amusing, but I had too much else to focus on.
“You look lovely, darling,” he muttered, still hesitant even after I promised this was simply dinner.
I accepted the kiss on the cheek and smiled at him.
“Everything that happened that day and in my life at the time clouded my experience of your restaurant, Aidan. I admit that. I wish I had done this sooner and given it a real chance, especially when you’re so proud of it, not simply told you the truth. ”
That was what he needed to hear.
“There’s more on your mind though,” he said when we were alone in the elevator. It wasn’t an accusation, but simply he knew me well enough to know that.
I wasn’t going to hide that or deny it. “You’re a smart man who has helped me figure out some difficult things. Is it really that shocking I would turn to you?”
He was quiet which surprised me. He didn’t say anything until we were seated in the private room and settled in with drinks. His smile was almost shy when he met my gaze. “You are not the only one with wounds.”
Fair enough.
Yeah… Fair enough.
“I’m sorry for the times I’ve added to them.”
His eyes flashed shock, but then he swallowed loudly. “You’re starting to worry me, darling.”
“No, I’m actually good—well, better,” I admitted. “Getting so much done as Jasmine—helping Kyria and the bigger plan now with restructuring—knowing we have a path after we came out as a council and the German government.” I blew out a harsh breath.
Understanding filled his eyes. “Everything was always building and building and preparations. There wasn’t much of a plan for after it happened.”
“Exactly. And it all happened early and so fast because of me.” I held up a hand to hold him off. “I’ve accepted it wasn’t my fault, but it was because of me.”
“Yes, you were the catalyst, not the cause.”
That was the perfect way to say it really.
“But the restructuring is promising, and even with adjustments—I have hope we can pull this off. Even with my other trip-ups and more.” I reached over and ran my fingers over his hand.
“And I’m starting to see I’m blessed. I’ve always seen the wounds and pain.
I want to start seeing how I’m blessed.”
“Tell me,” he said gently. We both knew I didn’t mean how I was blessed. No, he meant whatever was going on with me.
So I did.
I told him about how being Jasmine the past week made me feel more connected to my life now and how I felt I could leave Angela behind in peace.
My family was all gone and it was all settled.
My name cleared and—the twins were right and it was time to focus on my own health.
I couldn’t save everyone if I was a mess.
Aidan had said the same. The angels. Mason.
Fine, we didn’t all practice it as we should. I told Kyle the same too.
But I was trying and it felt good.
Then Samantha. She made me conflicted. No… She made me grateful and conflicted. Conflicted on how to feel about her punishment but grateful about how different my life could be.
No matter the trauma it caused me, that first person who found me trying to sell me had told me the truth. They had given me the right information to then build on.
What if he hadn’t? What if I’d been Samantha and thought all demons were like me? What if I’d struggled to survive and been so in the dark?
“You would not have let yourself be, darling,” he said gently. He shook his head when I opened my mouth. “Let me interject this. Please, and then continue.”
“You’re probably going to say the same thing Elijah did, and I don’t disagree, but it’s more complicated,” I muttered. I glanced over when the server came back, thanking them for the next round. “The whiskey really is good.”
He snorted, probably remembering that was all I’d praised at the first dinner.
Well, and the view of NYC.
I told him honestly what I loved about the food. It was all fantastic, but I stood by my opinion that it was overwhelming and too much posh in one sitting. That was the point though, so I understood that too.
“You would never have left yourself in the dark,” he told me once we were digging in.
“You learned what you did and changed it, Jasmine. You went to the leader of a goddamn country and changed everything. That is not a person who allows themself to be kept in the dark. I’m not judging her, and from what you’re saying, she did a lot of good to start. ”
“But we’re not as similar as I feel,” I accepted, hearing him when he said it differently from Elijah.
“You are, but I see more differences,” he replied honestly.
“I understand your… Solidarity with her. I see the attachment and—you had a similar start, but your stories are completely different. A few chapters sounding similar do not make the same book. Even the ones that are compared and mocked as being copies of each other.”
I nodded, knowing well that just because there was an epic quest, everything wasn’t Lord of the Rings and every character wasn’t Frodo. It was ridiculous how people reached for similarities and made their conclusions that way.
I told him the rest, and I felt better when I saw he was conflicted as well. Without making a joke about movies or books about gray… The world wasn’t black and white. It was a lot of gray.
A lot of everything and nothing was easy.
“I think the answer lies in her,” he said gently.
“Some people aren’t willing to pay the penance.
I have. You have. The question remains, is she strong enough to pay the price of her mistakes?
Will she spend the decades and decades paying the debt she owes this world taking those lives.
That’s the real question. Some aren’t willing to and want the out. ”
That was the answer I needed to hear.
The answer wasn’t completely on me to figure out.
“This is why I came to you,” I admitted, smiling when he seemed shocked. “Thank you.”
“Always.”
“What’s on your mind?” I asked when we moved on to the next course, feeling his desire to pick my brain as well. I winked at him when he chuckled softly. “Hey, I want to be here for you too.”
“I know, I just—I never want to be selfish with you and I have been.”
“No. No, you were overbearing and didn’t listen as you should. That’s different and a mistake you’ve worked to correct,” I argued. “You thought you knew the answers and just rolled with them. You were never selfish with me.”
Dylan had been, and Aidan was now worried he had been too, which honestly made him more amazing than I’d realized.
I listened as he talked about the council and where they were getting stuck—old fools in ruts. And after seeing how my old “fools” were so willing to adapt and restructure our very new and thriving everything, he was beyond jealous. He was tired of the status quo and the way things had been.
“The problem with your councils—all of them even—is it’s always unbalanced,” I told him.
“You’re involved. Gavin always in. A few others I see and know the names, but most I wouldn’t even remember their faces from that first meeting.
That’s what needs to change. That’s the bullshit that needs to stop.
Some doing everything and others getting credit. ”
“I’m assuming you have a suggestion?” he hedged.
“Always,” I chuckled darkly. “And it would be better even coming from you—suggest it to the out councils too or ISLE.”
“I’m all ears,” he promised, sounding too tired which touched me.
That he would be so real with me to not hide it at least.
“There should be a weekly meeting with ISLE that one council member attends, and that rotates. Everyone is informed and invested. Not one liaison who reports to your meetings. For that week, the ISLE contact is that person. They handle the shit, and that way everyone knows what’s going on and the process—the pain and reality. ”
“That’s going to be a hard sell,” he worried after a few moments.
“Is it?” I challenged. “Maybe in your council, but every council has a handful just like you that are tired of the lazy fuckers who do nothing and take all the credit. We’re so productive when we’re only seven because we all pull our weight.
Are you saying the vamps can’t be as good as demons?
When we run Germany and it’s better than your covens and safer? ”
He blinked at me for a full minute before bursting out laughing. He laughed and laughed and looked so much younger somehow, the worry and stress melting away as he now had the answer.
I knew that feeling.
I knew that feeling well.
But thinking back honestly—without my own traumas painting over what was in front of me—maybe it was time to accept that I was doing better than I’d thought?