Chapter 16
LOVE ON THE HORIZON
I haven’t always been a complete Grinch when it comes to love.
There was a time when I first started out in the industry that I thought I would find someone.
I’d watched Jess fall in love with Henry slowly, over many years.
I wanted something like that. I’ve always wanted something like that.
But watching how spectacularly something can break down, how much it can hurt.
No matter how much you loved them. I don’t know if I have it in me to go through something like that.
I spent the last four weeks with a vocal therapist, rehearsing choreography and not singing under any circumstances. I have to stop even speaking as soon as my voice gets sore, and the vocal therapist has taught me some techniques to help heal what’s broken.
It means that Luc and I have a slight cooling-off period. A bit of space away from each other to make the world wonder what we’re up to, which Mimi and Jess agreed would be great to build intrigue. And today we are together again, so we can give people a dose of us right before tickets go on sale.
I’ve barely left the house, other than for rehearsals. Luc actually did have edits to do on his script that day when he said he wouldn’t stay for the meeting with Mimi and Jess. He finished them up yesterday and sent them back to his agent.
Perhaps Mimi saw that we needed time away from each other. That the boundaries were blurring, the rules were breaking.
She was right. The space away has let my brain overtake my heart’s desires, to remind myself of all the reasons that Luc and I wouldn’t work outside of this arrangement.
Luc and I have exchanged a few messages, keeping each other in the loop on what’s happening.
He keeps checking up on how I’m feeling and how my voice is, offering to come over and keep me company on long nights where my legs are too restless to sleep after rehearsals.
But there were no charity galas or movie premieres in the calendar, and the experience with the theatre seems to have scared Luc off from doing something ‘normal’ with me. I’m not surprised.
My life is clearly already too much for him.
But now he’s in front of me for the first time in four weeks, and all that confusion comes rushing back. I don’t feel how I did at the start of our arrangement. I don’t even feel the same as I did a month ago, when he left my house after the theatre.
And today I’m meeting his family, which simply adds even more confusing feelings to the mix.
There’s something about being at Wembley for a football game which makes me feel like I can be anyone.
Even though we’re surrounded by mostly men of all ages, they’re not paying attention to me in my baseball-cap-and-sunglasses disguise.
There are a few side glances and stares, but there’s not enough time to double take before Dennis, Luc, a further two security guards and I have walked up Wembley Way.
Luc reaches out and takes my hand to pull me back as I begin to wander towards one of the stands where you can purchase scarves and other merchandise items. Dennis is walking a few paces behind us in case anything goes awry – it’s his team playing, and he was thrilled to get an invite.
To be able to go to Wembley with me, but without needing to follow me around a stage.
Kareem drove us all the way here but didn’t fancy staying for the match so he’s going to use the opportunity to have a little walk around Hampstead Heath in the thirty-degree heat.
We didn’t walk all the way from Wembley Park stadium but joined a little of the way up from one of the side roads.
And I’m glad we didn’t do the whole thing because my disguise isn’t working as I’d hoped.
There are already cameras pointing in our direction, trying to catch a glimpse of me and Luc.
I use the opportunity to pull him in and kiss him for the first time in exactly twenty-eight days and three hours. But who’s counting?
Luc doesn’t drop my hand.
My belly grumbles with nerves and I suck my lips into my mouth. Luc squeezes my hand. ‘What’s up?’ he asks.
‘I am so insanely nervous to see your family again even though I’m not…’ I trail off. There are ears everywhere which could be listening.
I never met most of Luc’s family the first time we were dating, only his mum whom I haven’t seen since our first break-up. But they must hate me for how I treated him. For how I’ve thrown him back into the spotlight now.
His hand grows clammy in my grasp. I wish we’d had a private moment to talk about the rule we broke. The rule that went out the window four weeks ago. About the fact that I’ve not stopped thinking about him. About how fire crackled beneath my skin whenever my phone lit up with a message from him.
Old habits are dying very hard. My heart needs to catch up with the platonic dynamic between us.
The two bodyguards in front of us walk in plain clothes, given orders by Dennis behind us through an earpiece. I watch the way they walk with such precision, coming together to not let anyone through the middle without so much as a glance at each other.
We fall back into silence, and I eye everyone who looks in my direction. I flinch if they start to walk towards me, but they always get blocked by the bodyguards in front.
We join the queue of people waiting to get their bags checked.
‘What do I need to know about your family?’ I question.
‘There’s not much to know, really. You already know about the terraced house just outside south London.’
I raise my eyebrows at him, silently communicating there’s nothing I don’t want to know about his family.
‘Kealan is ten years younger than me,’ Luc explains.
‘An absolute nightmare when I was living at home, but I think he’s alright now he’s a bit older.
’ He drops my hand and takes a sip from the near-empty bottle of water and then offers it to me.
I turn him down. ‘He ended up getting into the Chelsea Football Academy and his teachers were thrilled to say goodbye to the menace one-day-a-week so he could train.’ Luc pauses once again to drain the rest of the bottle.
‘He can’t play at the minute, though – tore his Achilles. ’
Luc drapes an arm over my shoulder, pressing a kiss against my temple. ‘You sound very different,’ I say.
‘You’re right. I was always reading quietly in a corner, and he was in the garden screaming and kicking around a ball, or on his Xbox screaming and kicking around a ball.’
I spot a girl in her twenties walking towards us, her eyes locked on mine. Her boyfriend is encouraging her to walk closer to me. ‘Go on,’ I hear him say.
‘Hi, Sienna,’ she says as she gets close enough.
Dennis steps closer to me. ‘Sorry, ma’am. Not now.’
‘I’ll never get used to the feeling of thinking I should know someone’s name because they so confidently know mine,’ I whisper to Luc, and he squeezes my hand in return.
A worker pokes around our bags. ‘You could’ve used VIP, Miss,’ the open-mouthed security attendant gasps. He frantically looks at our tickets and compares it to the arrows pointing to different zones.
‘That’s okay,’ I reply, and turn back to Luc. ‘What about Lydia? Did you say she was married to Leia, the girl in the photo?’
Luc visibly winces remembering the gossip column. ‘Yeah. They got married last year – they’re both therapists, so you can imagine how that is. They’re great at communication.’ Luc beams. ‘Leia feels like she’s been a part of our family as long as Lydia has. She’s great.’
‘That’s so lovely. How did they meet?’
‘They were best friends at secondary school but realised when they went to separate unis that they’d been in love with each other the entire time.’
‘What a beautiful story.’
We scan our tickets in the turnstiles and push ourselves through before standing on the narrow escalator in single file, my body pressed against him.
‘My dad still doesn’t say much,’ Luc mumbles.
‘To anyone – so I feel like I don’t really know him, even now.
’ Luc swallows and his throat bobs with the effort it takes.
‘He follows my mum around and does whatever she wants him to do. I don’t think it was always that way, like you know, my mum isn’t pushy or anything.
Never has been.’ He shakes his head. ‘I think he’s just quiet and doesn’t really have his own mind.
He’s of the generation that thinks “happy wife, happy life” is the motto they have to live by. ’
‘You mean… you don’t live by that motto?’ A laugh pulls at my lips, but I try to keep a straight face. ‘Luc, that’s appalling.’
As we get closer, Luc heads towards his mum and sister already in their seats.
‘Luc, your sister looks so much like you.’
They jump up at the sight of us and rush in to hug us both, Lydia squeezing me as though we’re long-lost friends. ‘It’s so good to see you,’ she whispers in my ear.
‘They’re big fans,’ Luc grins. ‘Sorry.’
‘Hello, Sienna,’ his mum says, swapping places with Lydia so that she can get in on the action, wrapping me in her arms and pressing a kiss into my scalp. ‘Thank you for coming.’
‘I’m right here!’ Luc cries, ignored by his own family.
‘Oh, shut up, Luc. We see you all the time,’ Lydia grins.
Luc’s family screams every time the team wearing blue gets the ball, especially when it hits the back of the net. It only happens once, but I’ve never heard people scream so loudly. I don’t allow myself to scream – it would very much be against the advice of my doctors.
Being in the collective while they scream, instead of being the person the collective is screaming at is so satisfying.
The game is eventful, even for someone like me who doesn’t really understand the rules of football, who can’t spot a goal was offside until the score doesn’t increase on the screen. By the end of the game, both teams scored twice.
‘That was fun!’ I say, gathering my stuff.
‘It’s not over,’ Luc laughs. ‘Extra time now.’