Chapter 35 Lily
THIRTY-FIVE
LILY
“I …” I’m speechless, rooted to my seat in horror.
I spent years thinking Elijah hadn’t valued our relationship like I did and turned into someone I never wanted to become—angry and reserved—and the whole time, he was being blackmailed not to talk to me?
“You have to understand, they were monitoring my every move. If they saw that I’d contacted you, they would have done everything in their power to make me homeless.
I could never do that to my family.” He grabs my hands in his, pleading, “But that doesn’t mean it didn’t kill me not to hear your voice every day. ”
I’m gutted like a fish. Nausea swirls in my stomach, and I swallow the thick saliva in my mouth. I attempt to ground myself. “I would have done the same thing for my family, Elijah.”
His thumb rubs circles on my palm.
“I truly don’t know what to say. I have no words.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I didn’t tell you for sympathy, but because you deserved to know the truth.”
“Elijah, from the age of fifteen, you lived in fear. I’m not feeling sympathy for you. I am angry.” Escaping his hold, I start pacing the bus. “That has to be illegal! There is no way any of that is normal. Not only did they lie to you about the lawyer being present, but blackmail is a threat.”
Mouth down in a scowl, he tracks me as I pace. “They saw three kids and knew they could take advantage of us. We should have been smarter about signing, but we had so much trust; it turned around and stabbed us in the back in the end.”
“None of this is your fault,” I scold, glaring at his saddened face. “Don’t blame yourself. Like you said, you were kids. How did you expect to know something this severe was going to happen?”
Climbing into the spot beside him, I cuddle into his warm, hard body. Relaxing under my touch, he holds me around my waist and rests his chin on the top of my head.
“Have you thought about taking them to court?”
“We have,” he says, voice soft and smooth, like honey. “But our contract with them just ended. I guess we just want to enjoy ourselves a bit before jumping back into chaos. What would we gain from that anyway? A new label picked us up, the hard days are over … it’s too late.”
It’s never too late.
They may be working with a new company, but maybe speaking the truth will help another aspiring artist from signing the contract of their nightmares.
“Don’t rule out the idea. Maybe talk to Fay about it and see what she says. I can’t believe after everything they’ve done, your heart has stayed pure. I don’t know how this world hasn’t hardened you,” I mumble into his chest, breathing in the fresh laundry scent coating his shirt.
“I take anxiety medication every day, Lily.” Elijah sucks in a breath.
“Normal activities make me want to shrivel up into a ball and hide away. And going onstage?” He snorts in disbelief.
“Forget about it. I always think someone is going to shoot at me and my siblings. I’m a fucking mess, but I have no choice other than to keep going. ”
“That is normal after what happened to you, Elijah.” I caress a hand up and down his back, and he sinks further into my body.
“You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have trauma.
The bravery in you that pushes you back onstage is honorable.
That is what you should think about when the thought of being weak enters your mind. ”
“When did you get so wise?”
He leans back, and his cheek squishes in my hand when I drag his attention to me.
“It’s the truth, and anyone who hears your story will feel the same. I am so sorry, Elijah.”
Elijah jerks his head back, shocked. “What are you sorry about?”
That the thought of you was dead to me for years, how all our happy moments were forgotten and replaced with anger and hurt.
“Since you’ve been gone, I thought you were a villain, and I resented you for so long. If I had known, I would have tried everything in my power to help you.”
He wipes my tears away with his thumb, and the familiar feeling of safety that always came along with his presence comes rushing back.
I missed this—him so much.
“My knight in shining armor,” he muses, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger. “Lily, I didn’t tell you this so you would feel guilty, okay? There is nothing you have to be sorry for. This was out of our hands.”
It’s hard to concentrate with his fingers on my face. “I want to beat them up so bad.”
“Me too,” he whispers, eyes dilating, locked and mesmerized on my stare. “But you’re too precious to even be in the same room as them.”
I tilt my head, and my bottom lip gets trapped in my teeth. “Scared for me?”
“Scared for them.” Reaching out, he pulls my bottom lip away from my teeth. “You’re a little minx that would land herself in jail.”
We’re breathing in each other’s air—that’s how close we’ve gotten.
“If it was for you, then it’d be worth it. I want to make you feel better.”
“I would have to finish the job, so that way, I could protect you in prison.”
Thoughts are telling me to pull away—that this shouldn’t happen with my childhood best friend—but invisible strings attached to him are holding me still.
One movement could ruin this moment. I’ve always wondered how being with him would feel; it’s a feeling I’ve craved since I learned what a crush meant. How it would feel to have Elijah Drakos look at me like I was the world and he was just revolving around me.
It’s not something I have to imagine now. He’s doing it right now, and I almost need to tap out because I’m afraid I might melt into a puddle right at his feet.
Hooking a finger under my chin, he pulls me impossibly closer, and I almost land in his lap. “You know what would make me feel better?”
“What?” I whisper breathlessly. Can he tell my throat is closing up and the world is getting all hazy?
Am I going to faint? It feels like it.
“You.”