Chapter 37 Elijah
THIRTY-SEVEN
ELIJAH
We went our separate ways, and it felt excruciating. Now that I’d had Lily in my arms, I no longer wanted to be without her.
It’s like swimming in the deep, dark ocean without a safety vest.
Is it healthy that she’s the reason I’m keeping it together during this tour?
Absolutely not.
Having her on tour will most likely never happen again, and my addiction to her presence is unhealthy. I need to snap out of it. But I’m not willing to take anything for granted. Call me a sponge because I’m going to soak her up.
“You look exhausted. Busy night?” Fay asks casually while my stylist lays out the outfit I’m wearing for the magazine shoot we’re scheduled to do.
The company wants to showcase a day in the life while on tour. They’re going to be following us around while we prepare and perform our show today.
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” I say before a big yawn, rubbing my eyes that feel swollen from exhaustion. “What country are we in today?”
Fay’s face turns down in a concerned frown. I wish I were joking, but I truly have no idea where I am.
“We are currently in Madrid, Spain.”
Oh.
One day, I’m in Paris, and the next thing I know, I’m on the other side of Europe.
When we first started touring, it used to stress me out that I couldn’t keep up with where we were. After a while, I learned to stop stressing out about the small things.
Once my stylist walks out of the room and leaves me and Fay alone, I turn to her with a serious face. “Fay, I’ve been thinking about something, but I want to run it by you first.”
“Uh-oh, that’s never good.” She closes her planner that always seems to be in her hands and gives me her full attention. “Hit me.”
“I think I want to stop taking Xanax.”
My saliva goes down hard in my throat at her worried expression.
“Can I ask why you’d want to do that?”
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the hundreds of reasons I’ve never voiced out loud …
Starting off strong was how my old team forced me to take them. After the shooting, they didn’t want me panicking on stage, so they made a doctor prescribe me meds. I didn’t want to take them, but apparently, I didn’t have a say in what went in my own body. Psychopaths.
“I’ve been on these pills for almost five years.
I hate that I’ve forgotten what life feels like without them.
” Walking to the clothes laid out for me, I assess them.
“I feel tired all the time. At first, I thought it was because I was overworked, but then I did a quick search online and read up on the side effects. The dizziness that’s always making my head and eyes hurt is from the pills, along with drowsiness, poor balance, and insomnia.
Fay, I can’t tell you the last time I had a good night’s rest,” I stress, turning and finding her sitting comfortably in the seat I was in moments ago.
“You should have never been forced to take prescribed medication that strong, Elijah. That is a lawsuit waiting to happen.” Scribbling something down aggressively in her notebook, she tsks.
“I’m not the right person to be talking to about this because I’m not a doctor.
But I’m booking a virtual meeting with your therapist regarding weaning you off of these pills.
Let’s see what she says about it, okay? We want to be extra careful since you are currently on tour. ”
When she makes her way to the door to give me privacy to change, I call out, “Do me a favor and keep this between you and me. I don’t want anyone to worry about nothing.”
Her eyebrow rises. “Is there something I should be worried about?”
“No.” I’m not sure about a lot of things anymore, including this.
“Then your secret is safe with me.”
“How are they not tired? They all just performed for hours,” I hear Lily say to Trinity.
I watch as the two cuddle up on the couch while watching Axel and Leonidas belt out a Guns N’ Roses song in the private karaoke room Levi booked for a fun night out.
“Rock stars never rest.”
Without any thought of breaking the dinky-looking table, Axel hops onto it and screams into the microphone, almost busting my eardrums.
“Should we start throwing money at them?”
As Trinity’s laughter gets drowned out by the boys singing, something heavy pools in the bottom of my gut. Anxiety and jealousy—a dangerous combination.
“All I have are loonies and toonies. Think that would hurt them?” Trinity giggles, almost falling into Lily’s lap.
“Do it. I dare you. Maybe some coins to the head will knock some sense into them,” I blurt out, not caring that they’ll know I’m eavesdropping on their conversation.
“Is someone jealous?” Trinity’s smirk screams trouble.
While Lily’s attention is still on Axel—sadly—I shush my best friend with a finger on my lips, urging her to be quiet.
Sensing the tension and finally finding my eyes across the room, Lily dances in her seat. “I’m trying to listen to my favorite rock star perform.”
Is she fucking with me? I can’t tell by the serious look on her face.
“Shit is about to go down.” Trinity winces and scatters to Amelia on the other side of the room.
Lily smiles. “What?”
“Don’t ask me what.” I bark back.
“It’s a valid question.”
I lean forward, getting so close that I can see each freckle that marks her cheeks. “You want to know what’s valid?”
I lick my lips, and her eyes stay glued to my mouth. She’s trying to act like she doesn’t feel the tug between us, but I see the way her body moves further into my embrace. The air I breathe out, she breathes in. The two of us are like an inferno. Bound to be dangerous and out of control.
I take her silence for my answer. “Putting you over my knee and spanking you for acting like your lips weren’t on mine only a couple of hours ago.”
Her mouth pops open. It takes everything in me to hold back and not take them in my own and devour her like she deserves.
“When did you get so bold?” Her words come out breathless, like she just ran ten miles.
Her guess is just as good as mine.
“Probably the same time you reentered my life.” I play it cool, but by the way her breath hitches, I can tell she feels the tornado of feelings exploding in her stomach too.
“Think about a girl’s heart before joking around like that.”
Amelia’s delicate singing suddenly fills the room. Everyone around us hoots and hollers, cheering her on. But my girl doesn’t stray her attention away from me.
“Do pigs fly?”
She stares blankly at me. “No.”
I close the remaining distance between us, and the leather sofa crinkles under my weight. I put a hand to her cheek, and her eyes flutter shut. I almost lose my mind as she surrenders to my touch.
“Is water dry?”
“No,” she whispers.
With my forehead to hers, I smell her sugary scent, which is layered perfectly on her skin, and it could make any grown man cry.
“Is fire cold?”
“I get it.”
“Get what?”
Our lips brush together. The kiss of innocence is driven by a force stronger than we can bear, so we both just snap and give in.
Her slim fingers grip my wrist. She holds me to her cheek, afraid I might let go. She’s clueless to the fact that I would never let go.
“That you’re intense.”
“Words can never express the way I feel about you, Lily Papas.” Choking back everything I’ve always wanted to say, I press a kiss to her forehead—gentle, an unspoken promise.
She lets out the tiniest noise—a mix of a sigh and a sob. Her grip on my wrist tightens, and for a second, we’re alone and not surrounded by all our friends. It’s just us.
When she blinks her eyes open, her eyes are washed with unshed moisture. “Show me.”
I do.
I pull her up by the hand, and we weave out of the room and leave everyone’s confused looks behind.
Our laughter creates the best song in the quiet streets of Spain. A light sprinkle of rain dances around us as I usher her to my side, and we run back to the hotel as fast as her short legs can muster.
Once we burst through the doors, a nervous giggle flies out of her mouth.
We wait for the elevator, touching and kissing, trying to memorize each other’s bodies.
When the doors open, I pin her to one of the walls, unable to take my hands off her body.
Angels would cry at the sight of her damp black hair sticking to her face, plump and rosy lips, and eyes that would light up the entire sky after a storm.
We rush through the hallway once the doors open.
I fumble behind her back with my key card.
Hearing a low buzz, I push the door open, kissing her like my life depends on it.
She kisses me like I’m a language only she knows.
Her hands slide up my chest, pulling me closer.
There is no hesitation between us. Only two heartbeats that understand that something is about to change.
She walks backward through my room, nails digging into my forearms, not once parting from my lips.
I lift her gently and lay her on the bed, and her hair fans out around her like a beautiful mermaid.
I touch her like I’m memorizing a miracle.
Clothes meet the floor, naked skin meets, breath hitches, and sweaty foreheads collide.
“I missed you.” Full of longing, she wraps her legs around my waist, clinging.
“I never stopped missing you.” I close the gap between us, scared she might snap out of whatever is happening. “The urge to have you in my life only grew stronger by the day.”
She melts under me.
Outside, the world keeps spinning, but it stops right here on this bed. Names are being whispered in the dampness, and tangled sheets rustle.
Together, we’re like a sparkler crackling to life, throwing off white and gold tiny little stars all around us.
It chases the dark away, like a slow-burning storm.
The room fades. Our past, present, and future don’t matter anymore as her lips and body move perfectly in sync with mine, like it was always meant to.
Deep down, I know this isn’t just a moment.
It’s our return.