Chapter 39 Lily
THIRTY-NINE
LILY
Halfway through Stella’s lesson, I get an email.
A job offer.
An email from a school asking me—me—if I want to teach a grade five class this upcoming school year. Throughout the rest of the lesson, I really try to stay focused and remain calm. But, holy cow, my first job offer!
Is this a sign from the universe that everything is going to be okay? Because all my stars are aligning right now, and if they slowly start to disappear, I don’t know what I will do. But I’m trying to throw out that negative mindset and live in the moment.
I rack my brain, trying to remember which interview this opportunity has arisen from, and quickly discover it’s the job interview I took right before Elijah offered me the job I currently have with Stella.
While she colors in her coloring book, I email the principal back, informing her I’d love to take the job.
When I had my first interview with her, the principal informed me she would hire me, but there were no open positions.
But thank God, the world is on my side now.
I slam my computer shut, gripping the closed device like my life depends on it because, in this instance, it’s saved me.
I got the job. It’s final.
It starts this upcoming September. I’m officially someone’s teacher.
Oh.
My.
God.
I finally was able to pay off my mortgage. The chains that had left dents in my skin for years are gone. I’m free. This news feels like a cherry on top.
Like a dork, I do a happy dance in my seat, all alone in the tour bus with Stella while everyone else is at rehearsal.
“Why so happy?”
Yelping and swallowing my heart, I snap my head toward his voice and find Elijah in the doorway with a tentative smile on his face.
“Should I be insulted? Because I scare you every time you see my face.”
I stare, dumbfounded, trying to hear him over the organ pounding in my ears. “Don’t turn this on me. You’re the one always sneaking around and jumping out when I least expect it.”
“Little lady, you were in your own world.” His smile grows as he stalks slowly to where I sit, making me tremble. “I knocked on the door twice before I announced myself. Only to find you wiggling your butt in … happiness?” He pronounces the last word in a gasp, teasing me.
And it’s working.
“Come a little closer.”
He takes tentative steps forward, stopping only a foot away. I gesture with my finger for him to bend down. Slightly winding back, I punch his shoulder lightly. His tall, broad body exaggerates as he staggers back with a look of betrayal.
I chirp, “Good boy.”
“You are unbelievable.” His mouth twitches, trying to fight back a smile, but he gives up and lets his pearly whites shine. “Don’t ever call me a good boy again.”
“But you listen so well,” I reply brightly, batting my lashes at him.
“That’s because you make it easier to.” Gripping the back of my neck, he pulls me up and plops his butt in the seat I was sitting in before hauling me into his lap.
Giving in to his warmth, I snuggle my face into his neck.
“I have some news I want to run by you.” I feel his words vibrate on my face. Playing with his fingers, he continues, “I want to get off Xanax.”
Huh?
Sitting up so I can see his face, I hate the look of anxiety I find. “Is everything okay? You can tell me if something is bothering you.”
“I hate how I got on them,” he blurts out, a faraway look crossing his eyes. “It wasn’t by choice; it was by force. It makes me feel like they took advantage of me, knowing I had no strength to fight back.”
“Elijah, they forced you? Does anyone know? Because I had no idea—”
“And that was the way I wanted it,” he interrupts firmly, gripping my thighs. “I didn’t want anyone knowing. My brother would lose his mind, my sister would cry, and my mom would blame herself. There has been so much heartbreak in our family that I didn’t want to add any more.”
“But your feelings matter, Elijah. Don’t you get that?! It’s not fair for you to bottle up all your feelings. What would happen one day if you exploded? That damage would be a lot larger than speaking your truth.”
“I didn’t use my voice when it first started. What good would it do today?”
“And that is not your fault.” I grab his chin when he looks over my shoulder. “They saw a young boy who needed help but took advantage of your weakness instead.”
Squeezing my leg once, he winds his arms tightly around my lower back and tugs me to his chest. His heart strums a steady beat under my ear, melting my body.
“I want to move on—that’s all I want. I hate the side effects of the pills. They make me feel worse when I’m on them.”
Wanting to take all his pain away is a feeling so strong in my entire body, but it kills me that I can’t take this type of pain away.
“Whatever feels right, you should do it.” I trace a greenish-blue vein in his arm. “I’m going to be here by your side through it all. You may feel amazing when you get off of them, but if you feel worse, please tell me, okay? I want to be able to help you, Elijah.”
“I will,” he promises, running a hand down my back. “But helping me isn’t your job; that’s reserved for Stella.”
“And you … always you,” I mumble against his chest, not even sure if he understands me.
His heartbeat increases beneath my ear, speaking in the silence.
“I missed you, Sweet Cheeks.” His arms grow ten times stronger around my waist, almost like he’s afraid I’m a dream. “I never want to live another ten years without you.”
“If you try to leave me again, I’ll kidnap you.”
He fake shivers. “Your feisty side gives me anxiety.”
“You should see me hangry.”
He sits up straighter, taking me with him. “Now that you say that, is sour candy still your favorite candy? I remember you used to carry around a pack wherever you went.”
A couple of months ago, I thought he’d forgotten my existence. I forgot I used to carry around sour candy with me everywhere. How does he remember every little detail about me?
“It’s more of an addiction, not a like, but yes.”
He flexes one leg up and starts digging through his jeans pocket. “Good, because I have a surprise for you.”
I sit up to see his face fully, and he looks so proud when he holds a pack of sour candy out to me in his palm. “The arena had them out for us during sound check, and I thought of you.”
Sorry, world. Soon, he’s going to disappear because I’m never ever going to get off his lap.
“Why do you look so sad? It’s just a bag of candy.” He laughs, flicking the tip of my nose with his finger.
“It’s not just a bag of candy,” I argue, getting up close to his face, and his eyes almost go cross-eyed. “It’s making me feel seen and present and showing that you listen and care.” Grabbing the pack of candy from his hand, I rip it open with my teeth before I start munching on them.
Like a shark, he takes one from my fingertips with his teeth. “Anything new in Lily Papas’s world?”
How could I forget the news that would have made me cry just a few months ago?
“I got a job!” I exclaim, and his face flinches from my sudden excitement. “That was the reason I was dancing by myself.”
“I’m confused.” His frowned lips shoot straight to my heart; he looks over my shoulder to where Stella peacefully colors. “You already have a job, and it’s right here, with me.”
Oh …
“The job starts next school year, when the tour will be done,” I clarify, cupping his face. “The last interview that I went to before you offered me a job went well. The only problem was the fact that there weren’t any open positions for me.”
He relaxes slightly at my words, the tension straining his bones loosening.
“The principal sent me an email and offered me a job since a teacher is going on maternity leave, so I took it.”
“I’m so fucking proud of you, Lulu.” An ocean full of emotion clouds his eyes. “I knew you could do it.”
“Maybe it’s just the Elijah effect,” I joke, trying to get him to smile.
One corner of his lips turns up. “It’s strength.”