22
How in all the peculiar disadvantages of their respective situations, would he ever learn her real sentiments. —Persuasion
I call or Facetime Rainy nearly every night I can. I play the song for her and text her new lyrics. We sing it together. I like having her give me direction on how I should sing. April can’t write a song, but when it comes to how a song should be sung, her instincts are phenomenal. After a few minutes of instruction from her, I’m performing at a new level. I like her coaching style. She is not trying to make me sound like someone else, but to vocalize in the best way to suit my voice and my style.
“You are very good at this,” I say after a successful run-through.
“That’s why they pay me the big bucks,” she says with a self-deprecating laugh.
“Have you told your dad or Janene of your other plan?”
“Sort of... I started telling Janene... she was so dismissive. When I told her I wanted to start my own business, she thought I meant selling cupcakes.”
“You’re kidding, right?!”
“I wish, but no.”
“Rainy, you know you can do this, right? You will be spectacular.”
“Thanks, Freddy.” Her voice goes soft. “Sometimes, I think you are the only one who believes in me.”
“I absolutely believe in you. I’m not into rescuing people.”
“Um, excuse me, you just did a very dramatic, public rescue. It’s all over the internet. And you were a lifeguard; you rescued people every day.”
“Exactly, I’ve done enough rescuing. I dated you because you are a confident, capable, gorgeous woman.”
“Just not confident enough to tell my dad,” she says with a nervous laugh.
“You’ll do it. You were brave enough to go off to college. I know you’ll tell him when the time is right.”
“You really think the business is a good idea?”
“I do. How many times do I have to tell you?”
“It’s just that I haven’t told many people about my plans. You and Lettie... Oh, and Johnny, of course.” Johnny, of course! One mention of the dude taints the whole phone call. I’m dying to ask some follow-up questions, such as are you really dating that guy? But things are just returning to normal between April and me. I can’t risk scaring her off by being all territorial.
“Actually,” she continues. “I was wondering if you could give me some advice about setting up my company.”
“Absolutely! I would have offered, but I figured you have good counsel.”
“I do. But Matt Shepard was my dad’s lawyer first, and the two are golf buddies. I don’t fully trust him to keep this from my dad.” A good lawyer keeps his client’s confidence. But April might be right about Shepard. I met the guy when I had to sign those NDAs. He gives off good ole boy’s club vibes. I could definitely see him thinking he had a duty to tell his old friend what his daughter was up to.
“No problem. I’ve been doing some contract work on the side.”
“That’s right. I read an article about you offering free legal advice to young musicians. That’s so cool.” I know the article she’s referencing; it came out at least two years ago. It’s ridiculous how happy it makes me to hear that even when we were apart, April still kept up with me, the same way I followed her.
“Thanks. I like doing it. It’s refreshing to work with young musicians who still have that hunger.”
“I bet. So, what do you think I should do for my company? Should I form an LLC or a corporation?”
“If you are ever planning to sell, I’d go with a corporation so you can get the benefit of QSBS stock.”
“Are you just making up words?”
“No, just lawyer speak. If you go with QSBS stock, you have the same benefits of an S corp, which allows you to deduct business expenses, but you can also sell your company.”
“Are you trying to impress me with your lawyer talk?”
“Am I impressing you?”
“A little.” She fiddles with the curls by her temple.
“Excellent, that’s the goal.”
“Do you think you’ll ever return to law?”
“Who knows. I’m so over touring.” Especially now. I just want to get back to LA and spend time with Rainy. Scare away Johnny Love and see where this thing between us is going. “But I still have more songs to write. I have at least another album in me.” I keep working on new songs. Not only the one for the wedding but another one. A sort of love letter to Rainy. All the things I want to say but don’t dare in these phone calls.
“Have I told you how much I love your music?” she asks.
“Hmm... I’m not sure. Please feed my ego and tell me more.”
These calls are the highlight of my day. Sometimes, we talk until three in the morning. I’m living on almost no sleep. And somehow, I have more energy than ever. We still haven’t bridged the subject of us and where we will be when we are back face to face, but it feels like we are on the same page. Like we are on the cusp of something permanent. The more we talk, the more I find the words “I love you” hovering inside me like an imminent sneeze. I never stopped loving Rainy, but what I’m feeling now is something more, and I’m blown away by its strength. It’s as if our first love was a swift river, but this love is as wide and deep and unfathomable as the ocean. I am ready to be swallowed up in it.
I bite my tongue every time I have the urge to tell her all this. It needs to be said in person. Followed by the most epic of kisses. I’m afraid to tally the number of hours I waste (but is it wasted, really?) dreaming of kissing Rainy. I have no idea if she checks my set list. But last night, I changed what Mouse calls my heartbreak cover to “Kiss Me.” April did not comment on it, but Carlos did with a message this morning.
“Nice move playing ‘Kiss Me.’” He sent me several blurbs speculating that Freddy West is finally over the mysterious woman who broke his heart. They claim my cover of “Kiss Me” was obviously meant for my new flame, Rosie Musgrove. Later in the day, Benwick shows me another article predicting how soon I’ll be engaged to Rosie. “How long are you going to keep up this farce?” he asks with an edge.
I shrug. I know Benwick is texting and Facetiming Rosie even more than I message Rainy. “Why don’t we have Rosie visit?” I suggest.
“Brilliant.” He immediately calls her.
“Rose, what do you think about coming to our next show?”
I hear Rosie’s distinctive squeal.
“You’re on speaker, Freddy’s right here.”
“Hi! Freddy! Oh!” She giggles. “I mean ‘boyfriend.’”
Rosie has been 100% on board with this fake relationship. It’s been over two weeks since I rescued her and that clip went viral. Right before we left on tour, I visited her at the hospital. Benwick was still there (I believe he spent almost as much time in the hospital as Rosie) and told them Carlos’s thoughts on continuing the facade that we are dating. They loved it.
“It will actually give us some breathing room,” Rosie told Benwick. “A chance to get used to our relationship without the glare of the press.”
I worry the press might be hard on Rosie. It’s difficult to be the girlfriend that replaces the dead fiancée. The press will likely think she’s not quite the same caliber as Grace. Fans might say Benwick is being disloyal to his dead love. Dead Chickens’ fans can be zealous. I am a little surprised, myself, to see how quickly he has moved on. I know I couldn’t. I mean, I tried. I had every intention of moving on after Rainy dumped me.
When I became even a little famous, finding women to date was so easy. I hardly had to try. Plenty asked me out. I went on A LOT of first dates. But almost no second ones and absolutely no third dates. I would spend time with these beautiful, accomplished women, and sometime during the evening, I’d realize, I’m bored. She doesn’t captivate me the way Rainy does. And to be fair, I was boring myself. Dating can be a slog when there’s no spark.
On television shows like The Bachelor , they make finding love look like some sort of competition. Love goes to the “best” or the “winning” candidate. But love is not some prize for the most deserving. It’s the magical combination of two people that, for whatever reason, just works. When you are with the right person, you are your best, most interesting self. For most women who dated me, I was not the “Sexiest Man Alive” but the Stodgiest. I was too sad to be charming.
Benwick’s transformation these past two weeks has been amazing. I swear the speed at which he speaks has even increased, and his performances have been stellar. I like the idea of Rosie coming out to visit. It will be a good chance for us to figure out how to publicly end our non-relationship. I want to invite April to visit as well, but it’s obvious she’s swamped with wedding plans and laying the groundwork for her new company. That’s okay; the countdown on my phone until I see Rainy again is finally down to single digits. Nine days until I see her. Twelve days until the wedding.