14. Biochemistry and the Molecules of Life #2
Packing up my entire life took under three hours and only because I had a load of laundry to do. This fact made me either an ascetic or a minimalist. One sounded prudish, the other sounded chic, and neither prudish nor chic sounded like me.
By 9:30 AM, I’d consolidated all my possessions into four stackable plastic bins (with snap-tight lids), a single battered duffel, and my backpack.
The task required so little time that by the end I found myself wandering the bare perimeter of my side of the room, mildly unnerved by its echo and emptiness.
The blank walls and the empty desktop where my stuff had squatted for four years were bizarre to me.
It was the first time in adulthood that I’d had the occasion to move out of a place and leave others behind. Usually, I was the one being left.
Was this a victory? Or a sign of my congenital inability to commit to physical objects and, by extension, people ...?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s too deep, Sam. Step away from the psychoanalysis paralysis and hop on over to the coping-strategy dance party.
I’d just dropped my last handful of hangers into the giveaway box when Nakita appeared at my door, arms laden with a plastic-wrapped bundle of bagels and a three-pack of full-sugar Red Bull.
Her braids were looped into a crown on top of her head and she wore a tank top featuring a cat, also in a crown, captioned “Purr-fect.”
“I got you some parting gifts, so—wow!” Nakita blinked into my room like she’d been expecting a mess. “That was fast. Did you burn all your stuff? Or do you only own, like, three shirts?”
I shrugged. “You know my secrets now. I rotate the same three outfits and use a cape for shock and awe. It’s a trick I learned from Batman.”
She deposited the bagels and drinks onto the edge of my now-empty desk. “You didn’t even ask for help,” she said, then spotted the empty closet and added, “I feel very weird about this.”
“Don’t feel weird. Feel wonderful.” I waved a hand through the air dismissively. “Now you have one less person vying for the shower.”
“Don’t lie. You never showered.”
“Hey!” I laughed, moving to hit her, and she stepped out of my reach before the back of my hand could connect.
She also laughed, but added, “This is all too sudden. And where did Andreas go? Is he coming back to help load and move stuff? I didn’t see him leave.”
Turning away from her and clearing my throat before speaking, I said, “He left super early, but he’s arranged for movers. They’ll be here around noon.”
By the time I’d come back to the room last night, Andreas was already lying in my bed under the duvet, his back to the door.
I’d thought about reminding him that I’d left a toothbrush out for his use, but decided against it.
Minimizing interactions while in a dark room with two beds felt like the smarter option.
When I’d woken up after a fitful night’s sleep, Andreas was gone, the clothes from Kendra’s boyfriend were neatly folded on the bed, and the toothbrush in the bathroom was untouched, making me suspect he’d left in the middle of the night as soon as I’d fallen asleep. He had texted me this morning.
Andreas: Movers are arranged for today at noon. I will be home when you arrive, and we can scan your fingerprint for the door.
Presently, Nakita flopped backward onto my stripped mattress, arms out like she was about to make a snow angel. “So,” she said, “how do you feel? Like, for real. I can’t believe you’re moving out, just like that.” She snapped her fingers. “Have you told Diya?”
“I texted her. She hasn’t messaged back.” Diya hadn’t responded to any of my texts since last night, which meant she was slammed.
The load of laundry I needed to do this morning consisted of Diya’s sheets and my sheets. I’d slept in her bed. It only felt right to clean up my messes before I left.
“You texted her.” Nakita voice was deadpan.
She rolled her eyes at me. “You two have been roommates for four years and you texted her that you’re leaving.
Did she have any idea? About you and Andreas and how serious things were between you?
Or will she be as shocked as I was when you told me this morning that you’re moving out? ”
“She’ll be fine. I’m paying my share until a replacement can be found. If anything, she’ll be thrilled to have a room to herself for a while.” I tried not to let Nakita’s words make me feel guilty.
It was true. Diya and I had been roommates for four years. That meant Diya knew how I was, how I didn’t like getting attached. But it wasn’t like I was leaving the country and would never see her again. I was moving fifteen blocks away—give or take a block.
Nakita’s eyes moved over me. “How long have you two been dating, anyway? I thought for sure you’d never get married. And now you’re engaged to a literal chess prodigy who is also, I cannot stress this enough, a billionaire’s son. This is high-key the plot of a CW drama.”
I snorted a laugh at her description. “Right? I keep expecting a team of lawyers to appear and offer me a check to walk away and never speak of it again.” Though the statement was meant to sound like a joke, a team lawyers showing up to threaten me was definitely within the realm of possibility.
In fact, I was sorta surprised one hadn’t arrived yet.
Nakita grinned. “Or a film crew, or paparazzi. Just so you know, if a film crew offered me five hundred dollars, I would leak your entire internet search history. For science, obviously.”
I sat next to her. “It doesn’t feel real yet,” I admitted, which was the truth. “It’s like I’m watching someone else’s life, but through my own eyes. Very out-of-body. Maybe it’ll hit me when I see Andreas again.”
“Hot take, but it’s probably for the best,” Nakita said, glancing sidelong at me. “If it were me, I’d already have blown up my social accounts, oversharing and bragging.” Her face sobered. “You’re good at being chill, Sam. Respect.”
“I’m not chill,” I said, looking at my own hands. “I’m just really, really good at pretending. My whole teenagerhood was, like, training for this moment.’”
Nakita’s lips pressed into a line. “What do you mean? What was your adolescence like?”
I shrugged, staring forward. “When my dad died and we lost everything, the people who came after the bankruptcy judgment took everything. They even took the family photos on the wall—not for the pictures, but for the frames. My mother had to fight just to keep the photographs ...” I blinked, realizing what I’d just said, how much I’d shared, and shifted my gaze to Nakita.
My words obviously surprised her. Nakita’s mouth was open and her eyes were wide. I rarely told people about my family’s financial apocalypse. Only Kaitlyn, and only after seven years of friendship.
Nakita sat up, cross-legged, and peered at me. “You never told me that.”
“It’s no big deal,” I said dismissively and fiddled with the ring on my finger, twisting it around. My chest suddenly felt too tight and my stomach was sour. Regret. This is oversharing regret .
“It’s ancient history.” Standing once more, I lightened my tone. “I don’t even think about it, but I guess ... moral of the story: I don’t get attached to things. If you only own stuff that fits in your suitcase, no one can take it from you.”
Nakita’s face did something that made my chest hurt even more. Standing also, she grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. “You know I was joking about selling your search history, right? Even if the paparazzi do come eventually, or reporters, I won’t reveal anything.”
I nodded, managing a close-lipped smile, but I didn’t believe her. Nakita wasn’t a bad person, and she was trustworthy to a point, but the allure of gossip was her Achillies’ heel.
She increased the pressure of her fingers around mine. “And you know, you’re allowed to keep things, right? You’re allowed to have things, Sam.”
Withdrawing my hand, I twisted to the side, making a show of stretching out my back.
“I know. I’m just used to not wanting to keep things now, and it makes life so much tidier.
Anyway! Let me finish cleaning in here, the movers should arrive soon.
” Walking around Nakita, I picked up my phone from the otherwise empty side table and checked the time.
Even with all my dillydallying while talking to Nakita, I still had over an hour until noon.
No word yet from Diya.
But that was fine. I would clean while the movers loaded my stuff, and would do my best to leave no traces of myself behind.