Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
NOELLE: NOW
W hen I was alone.
With company.
Or with his brother.
Especially in moments like these when we were about to walk in the following night’s festivities at his parents’ estate.
Did I forget to mention my ex-best friend basically grew up in Santa’s mansion?
The Saint Clair property was at the highest peak of the mountain in its own zip code. When I tell you his house was the size of a Walmart, I wasn’t exaggerating in the least. I had so many memories with Nicholas on that property, especially during the holidays. The decorations his family put up every year were the talk of the town. They spent a small fortune on lights, globes, and lawn ornaments.
One year, they even had an anatomical Santa on their roof with all his reindeer, including Rudolph. It was custom-made to move in the most life-like way. Now, don’t get me started on the Christmas trees all throughout the manor. Each one of them was themed in their own unique way. I spent so many nights hanging out with Nicholas, taking in the beauty of the holiday spirit around us.
However, that day, Nicholas spent most of it in meetings while I handled all the finishing touches on my dessert display for his parents’ party. The whole town was invited; it was an open-door policy, and it had been so since before Nicholas was born. The Saint Clairs were huge on traditions.
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, which was why his family threw their party on the same day every year. With a handful of gifts in tow, we made our way into his family’s home. The guests participated in a purple elephant with a fifty-dollar minimum. Every year, Nicholas surprised me with the best presents, things I’d seen throughout the year that I wanted, and he’d pay attention to them without me even realizing he was doing so.
One year, it was this snow globe of The Rockefeller Center; another, it was a historical novel written by my favorite author, which was signed and personalized to me.
The best was when he reserved an air balloon ride over the town at dawn, and he actually went with me. To see the world come alive with him standing by my side was a memory I’d take to my grave. If I closed my eyes, I could still see us there on top of the world.
The man knew no bounds, and each year he proved how much he truly knew me.
His brother was the complete opposite of him, where Nicholas was sentimental; his brother was over the top. That was how different the brothers were.
I couldn’t tell you how many times I contemplated calling him.
Writing.
Showing up at his home unannounced.
I never did.
I couldn’t .
Rejection was a bitch, and I wasn’t ready to have him tell me to go home or worse not answer me at all. Especially after his brother said he changed his phone number. I barely survived losing him the first time. There was no escaping my thoughts about him. Not when it came to him. The mere fact I was still thinking about him after all the years proved how much I still cared about him.
The more I tried to forget about him, the harder it was. Though in my heart, my soul, something was off. Almost overnight, his brother was kind of there for me in ways I didn’t expect him to be. Almost like by Nicholas leaving, he made it easier for Felix to fill that void.
However, he couldn’t hear Nicholas’s name without tensing, spewing hate, or arguing with whoever brought him up.
I think, in a way, Nicholas became his rival in his own mind. I think it was because Nicholas was always the favorite, and everyone knew it too.
The longer we were together, the more apparent it became that maybe I was definitely in love with him.
I tried.
I begged.
I prayed.
When I looked into his eyes, all I saw was pain where there had once been so much affection.
Devotion.
Love.
Something had changed.
Even in the past couple of days, something was happening to him, and he couldn’t fool me. He was enjoying this as much as he claimed that he wasn’t.
My wants.
Needs.
Expectations.
This future I thought we’d never share felt as if it was at arm’s length now. Every time I thought he was maybe getting closer to his family, they were almost there, an issue would arise, and they’d find themselves on opposite sides of the fence, still looking toward a future they may never have.
Further and further, it flew out of their paths.
As much as I told myself not to do it, we texted all day. Flirting back and forth until I finally agreed to go to his parents’ party with him. My crew was handling the event, so I could enjoy it. I had the best team, and I was beyond fortunate to have them on my side.
I couldn’t stop thinking about three magic words all day.
I love you.
So many meanings.
So many ways to say it.
So many what-ifs and I-don’t-knows.
I smiled every time a new text came through from him. He babysat the puppy for me most of the day, and I appreciated it. I still needed to come up with a name for him, but it was becoming obvious that not only was I getting attached to both of my rescued boys.
The Saint Clair family never did anything half-assed; this event was another outlandish celebration where they proved who was in power and needed to be respected among the community.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight, Elle?” Nicholas wrapped his arms around my body from behind, tearing me away from my thoughts.
We were on the dance floor; suddenly, it felt as though all eyes were on us and the room. I spun around to face him, setting my hands on his solid chest. He was wearing a black suit, looking as handsome as ever. Reminding me why all the woman in the room couldn’t take their eyes off him.
His greedy glare raked over the long red silk dress I was wearing. A romantic bow settled on the swell of my back, which was completely open. A live band performed while everyone danced around the big Christmas tree. “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” played from the speakers, setting up a dreamy aesthetic.
My dress curved perfectly around my body; it subtly flowed out down by my knees, and my hair was curled and tied to the right side of my head, with a few strands of hair framing my face. My makeup was heavy on the eyes, with black eyeliner and thick mascara. Some blush and a soft shade of nude for my pouty lips.
In a matter of a few seconds, his stare went from endearing like he was trying to make a memory of me to predatory.
“My brother won’t stop staring at you.”
I asked, “Are you trying to pick a fight with him? You still haven’t told me what last night was about.”
“It doesn’t matter. I have the girl.”
I smiled.
“But I’d love for you to tell me what happened between you two.”
I shook my head, understanding the sharp tone in his voice. “It’s not like that between Felix and me.”
“He seems to think so.”
Nicholas grabbed my hand, molding me close to his body, pulling me tighter into his strong, muscular frame. He guided my arms up around his neck with no space between us before wrapping his arms around me, proving my point.
“Just dance with me.”
I swallowed hard and nodded at his request, not wanting to make a scene when everyone was happy and enjoying themselves at the party. Sighing in defeat, I laid my cheek on his chest, and he placed his chin on top of my head.
“All I’ve ever wanted was you.”
I repeated, needing to know. “What did you say to him?”
“The truth. ”
“Which is what? What’s the truth?”
He smiled wide. “That you rode my face.”
I sighed. “I figured that’s what you told him.”
“And you’re disappointed?”
“No.”
He leaned, breathing into my ear. “Look, I’m sorry, all right?” His easy smile was back, his eyes drilling into mine like he needed me to believe him. “He’d been drinking?—”
“You know what they say; a drunk person speaks the truth.”
“Then you should start drinking so I can get it from you.”
The conflicting emotions came tumbling down on me, crippling me. I suddenly needed some fresh air and a moment to myself.
To think.
To breathe.
I hated showing weakness in front of anyone. Before he could throw more questions at me, I snapped around, making my way toward the outside rose garden.
Inhaling a long, deep, sturdy breath, I stood in front of the fountain in the center of the garden, trying to distract myself with the water and the soft glow it gave everything around me. Usually, this view would have me awestruck and at peace, but I couldn’t stop the emotions consuming my mind and body.
And then just like that, it unexpectedly changed…
Out of nowhere, his grandmother stood beside me.