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CHAPTER THREE
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The rain drenched the wool suit jacket I bought yesterday; chilling me to my core. My glasses, streaked with water, make my vision blurry. It’s fitting that it’s raining today since I’m at a funeral.
Sam's funeral.
I always thought it was odd that movies always showed a downpour during a funeral. As if to showcase how depressing it all is.
Sam was found unconscious in his apartment, but they could no longer help him. He had told his son that he was having heart problems, but never shared how serious things were. So, he kept on doing what he loved for as long as he could: running a business and being a father.
When I found out he died, it was like my entire world and sense of security crumbled around me. He always made sure I knew I would be fine; he was the one who pushed me to keep going, and I’ll be forever grateful to have met him in such a dark place in my life.
There’s a large crowd here to pay their respects.
The funeral is being held in a cemetery on the north side of the city.
It’s the area where Sam grew up as a kid.
I’m not familiar with anyone here, aside from his son, so I keep to myself.
It’s the first time in a long time where I feel like an outsider, but I deserve to be here.
The priest speaks about Sam’s life: his accomplishments, how he played football when he was in high school, meeting his late wife, having a family, and how much he loved his restaurant.
It’s funny how a lifetime of living can be easily summarized in just a few sentences, but I guess everyone here knew him so it makes sense to keep it short.
I’m not a religious person, never have been, but when they said the last prayer as they lowered the casket into the ground, I swear I felt drawn into the words.
It was as if the rain stopped falling on me for a moment, and there was no one else there.
Only the words being spoken, and the dead being put to rest.
While I’m crushed Sam is gone, I am relieved he can rest now.
He deserves it. I only wish I could have repaid him for everything he’s done for me.
Although in a way I showed him he was right to invest and trust me.
In the last four years that I have been in Chicago, I’ve gotten my GED and graduated with a BA in business.
Jordan, Sam's son, helped me get into school and has been like a brother to me.
Sadly, the pizzeria is going to close at the end of the month, and the building will be put up for sale soon.
Jordan has no desire to run the place, and I don’t have the time either.
I moved out of the apartment over the pizzeria two years ago and have been living with a roommate in an apartment near my old college campus.
I stopped working at the pizzeria after I moved, but I found a good replacement to help Sam in my absence.
I break out of my trance when a heavy hand lands on my shoulder; I look to my right to see Jordan standing beside me. His expression is glum; his eyes glazed over.
“Thanks for coming, Eric. We’re gonna go to the pizzeria later. Make a pie, drink some beers–for my pop. You wanna come?” There is no joy in his voice. He was the one who found his father, and I can’t imagine how hurt he is feeling right now.
“Yeah–I'll be there.” How could I not go one last time? I owe it to Sam and to myself. This will be the last chance at goodbye and closure that I’ll get, and I won't waste the opportunity, even if it hurts.
It has been four years since I finally escaped the never-ending hell I was forced into as a kid.
I now make my own decisions and am free to live the life I want.
Although I’ve had more help than I ever thought I would get, it has been difficult.
I’ve met all kinds of people; both good and bad, but that’s part of life.
I’m still quiet, reserved, and watchful of who is around me and who I let into my life.
That’s what led me to meet Annette last year.
I was freshly 21, and she was 30; I met her at a club downtown with some of my friends.
I’ve never been the outgoing type; I never thought I’d be interested in going out to clubs, drinking, and meeting women, but that’s what guys my age do.
Being in a large city has broadened my horizons.
Annette is a businesswoman–a venture capitalist for a company downtown.
When I met her, she was with some co-workers, all male, and her beauty caught my eye.
What really drew me to her was her confidence and commanding presence.
In a group of men, she’s the one in charge.
I never knew I’d like that in a woman, but I do.
She knows what she wants with no shame. Although there is an age gap between us, she didn’t treat me like a child at first. When I told her what I was in school for, she became invested in helping me graduate and pursue a career in business.
She helped me land my first big job at a firm where she had worked when she was younger.
The pay is pretty decent, but she always tells me the experience is worth way more.
Maybe by the time I’m her age, I’ll be making money like her.
That’s the goal, anyway. In the last three months, we’ve seen less and less of each other because of our work schedules.
I try not to make a big deal of it, but secretly, it makes me doubt she’s always being honest with me.
I don’t know if she’s as invested in me as I am in her, feelings-wise.
Romantically, we seemed to be a good fit.
She’s the dominant one, and I am submissive to her.
Not because of the age difference, but because it initially felt good to me.
I like structure, rules, and discipline.
Annette has taught and shown me a lot of different things sexually.
She wasn’t my first, but I was incredibly inexperienced and too uncomfortable to share my fantasies with anyone until I met her.
I’ve been able to explore my sexuality and I’m excited to learn more about myself that way.
There have always been feelings of wanting to be with another man that I’ve pushed away in fear of being treated differently.
With Annette, she’s pushed me to embrace those feelings and not to be afraid to experiment.
I crave the difference in intimacy, control, and surrender.
This weekend we’re set to travel out of state to visit a special club.
It’s members only, but I’m having mixed feelings about going.
She’s always been outgoing; never backing down from an unfamiliar experience.
I’m afraid if I don’t keep my feelings in check, something dark will come out of me and I won’t be able to control it.