Chapter Three
“Wait... So you’re actually willing to go to a party. Like me and Char don’t have to beg you to go?” Maisie stares down at me from where she’s perched on her bunk, her laptop open next to her.
“It’s because Owen invited her,” Char chimes in melodically.
“Did he, now?” Maisie grins.
“It’s not a big deal,” I tell her flatly. “It’s not like he asked me on a date. He just asked me if I was going and said if I was that we should meet up.” I shrug like it’s no big deal.
It’s been less than a week since I met Owen, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little smitten. I know I said I wasn’t interested in dating anyone right now, but believe me when I say, he’s a hard person to resist. He’s so sweet and charming and funny. God, he’s so funny.
On more than one occasion, he’s had me staring at my phone laughing like a lunatic, usually in front of other people, who look at me like maybe I’ve gone mad.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this kind of giddy excitement and I have to admit, I’ve missed it. After everything Leo put me through, it feels good to just let loose a little and not overthink things the way I usually do.
I don’t expect anything from Owen. Hell, I’m not even sure I want anything from him. But that’s not going to stop me from finding out if maybe there could be something there.
Besides, it gives me something better to focus on than a certain blue-eyed hottie who has continued to invade my thoughts... and my dreams. Only now, the dreams have shifted to something a lot more... Well, I’m sure you can use your imagination.
Hell, the other night, I was so close to climaxing that I woke up abruptly, not entirely sure that I hadn’t. Then, of course, I became insanely paranoid that maybe I was making certain noises in my sleep and that Maisie or Charlotte may have heard me. But if they have, no one has said anything up to this point, so I choose to believe they have not. Because Lord help me, if they did, I’d probably die of mortification.
I don’t know if it’s him specifically that’s driving this uncharacteristic need in me, or if it’s simply my body telling me something my mind has not been willing to accept for some time.
“It’s not a big deal, she says,” Maisie mocks, pulling me back to the present. “Look at that smile.” She turns to Char. “Does that look like something that’s not a big deal to you?”
“I know what you mean, Maisie.” Char nods. “I think our girl might actually like this guy.” She giggles.
“Oh, she most definitely likes him. Have you seen the way she smiles when he texts her?”
“She’s standing right here,” I remind them.
“So what are you going to wear?” Char stands from her desk chair.
“No idea, but I’ll figure it out.”
“I have this—”
“No,” I cut her off. “I’m not wearing your clothes. Owen liked me just fine in what I was wearing the other day.”
“Did he, now?” Char raises her brows up and down suggestively. “Is there something you’ve failed to tell us? Like did he also like removing said clothing?”
“Yeah, because he stripped me bare and fucked me right in the middle of the coffee shop.” I toss my hands up in the air.
“Did she just say fuck?” Maisie jumps down from her bed and lands in front of me in seconds. She reaches out and presses the back of her hand to my forehead. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Stop it.” I shove her hand away. “I do curse from time to time.”
“Since when? I don’t think I’ve heard you utter so much as the word hell in the month that I’ve known you.”
“I’m not as innocent as everyone thinks I am.” I huff, growing increasingly frustrated by this perception, true or not.
“Of course you’re not.” Maisie gives me a sarcastic smile.
“No offense, Lyric,” Char injects. “But you’re the most innocent person I think I’ve ever met.”
“Why do people always say no offense and then say something that’s offensive?” I turn toward her.
“It’s not an insult,” she assures me. “If anything, it’s a compliment.”
“A compliment?”
“You’re comfortable being you. You don’t conform to peer pressure—trust me, I’ve tried. And you respect yourself enough not to sacrifice what so many others just give away.”
“Hey!” Maisie pouts from beside me.
“I’m not talking about you.” Char belts out a laugh. “I mean, your body count is higher than mine.”
“By one!” Maisie stomps her foot.
“I’m just saying, Lyric isn’t like us. And that’s not a bad thing. I wish I respected by body enough not to give in to every dirty little urge.” Her smile turns mischievous. “But then again, where’s the fun in that?”
“Speaking of dirty little urges...” Maisie crosses her arms in front of herself. “Don’t think I missed the little spit-swapping session you had with Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome yesterday afternoon. Care to fill us in?”
“Wait... Who’s Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?” I ask, having not heard this before now.
“Oh, you know, the delicious piece of chocolate that Char’s been nibbling on.”
“I have not nibbled.” She drags her teeth across her bottom lip. “Yet.”
“Who is he?”
“His name is Erik, and he just happens to be someone I went to high school with. But that’s irrelevant because we’re not talking about me.” Her eyes swing to me. “Our beautiful little butterfly is about to spread her wings.” She smiles. “You know what that means.”
“Brazilians!” Maisie announces excitedly.
“Wait, what?” I look between the two of them.
“Please tell me you’ve heard of a Brazilian wax.”
“I’ve heard of them. But why would I ever want to get one? It sounds absolutely dreadful.”
“Nothing turns a man on more than when the lady downstairs isn’t wearing any fur, if you catch my drift.”
“Oh my God.” I shake my head at Char. “I’m not sleeping with Owen. I literally just met him!”
“Maybe not yet.” Maisie knocks her hip into mine. “But don’t you want to be ready when the time comes? I mean, surely you’re going to sleep with someone... eventually.”
“Besides”—Char jumps in—“I’m due for one, so you’d really be helping me out. I hate going alone.”
“Maisie can go with you.”
“But I want you to go, too.”
“Then I’ll go. But I’m not getting waxed... down there.” I gesture to my nether region.
“Why not?” Char pouts.
“Because I don’t see the point. I keep it well enough maintained.”
“Just try it once. You might actually like the way it looks and feels.”
“Besides”—Maisie drops an arm around my shoulder—“weren’t you the one who just said the other day that you want to start stepping out of your comfort zone?”
“I was talking about cutting my hair, not waxing my hoo-ha!”
“What better way to leave your comfort zone than to dive headfirst into the unknown? Come on, Lyric. For us?” Maisie pouts out her lower lip dramatically and Char joins in, both of them being overly pathetic in their attempts to convince me.
“Fine.” I finally cave. I mean, it’s just pubic hair... Right?
“Really!” Char jumps to her feet, clapping in excitement.
“That’s our girl.” Maisie gives me a squeeze before dropping her arm.
“So much for not giving in to peer pressure,” I grumble.
“I’ll make the appointments right away.” Char chooses to ignore me, grabbing her phone.
“You two are way too excited,” I tell them flatly.
“One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Maisie drops her head back on a laugh.
“Oh, and you know what we should do after?” Char looks between the two of us. “We should go shopping. You may not be willing to wear anything of mine, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find you something sexy that you feel comfortable in.”
I think on that for a long moment. I’ve been meaning to get some new clothes, considering everything I brought with me are things I wore in high school. If I truly want to shed that girl—the girl that the two people closest to her so easily betrayed—I have to start somewhere.
“Let’s do it,” I finally say.
“Waxing and a new sexy little outfit?” Maisie once again checks my temperature by pressing the back of her hand to my forehead. “Are you sure you’re not sick?”
“Keep that up and I’ll call the whole thing off,” I playfully warn.
“I’m not saying another word.” She runs her hand along her lips like she’s zipping them shut.
Something tells me these two are going to be the death of me. But I guess if I’m gonna die, I might as well have some fun on the way out.
“You look incredible. Have I told you that already?” Charlotte squeezes my hand just as the Uber driver pulls over next to the curb.
“About a million times.” I squirm uncomfortably, not sure how I let them talk me into this dress. It’s bad enough I had to endure the pain of my first Brazilian wax, but then I turn around and let them convince me that a halter dress was a good idea.
Me, the girl who never wears anything more revealing than a sundress, wearing a fitted, strapless dress that doesn’t even go to my knees, which is usually the length I prefer.
I don’t know. I guess I was so high on the possibility of being someone new that I had a momentary lapse and forgot who I actually am.
I will admit, though, I don’t regret the wax. It really is quite nice, not that I’d admit that to Char. She’d never let me live it down. Getting it done wasn’t so nice, but I do like not having any hair down there, something I never would have expected.
Just goes to show, it does pay to try new things because you truly don’t know what you’ll like or won’t like unless you experience them for yourself.
“I absolutely love the color,” Maisie agrees. “The blue really complements your skin tone.”
“I feel ridiculous,” I admit.
“The only thing ridiculous about you is those damn shoes.” Char snorts, tossing open the door before extending her hand to help me out, probably so I don’t show my butt to the dozens of people loitering in the front yard.
“I don’t know.” Maisie climbs out on the opposite side. “Her Converse are starting to grow on me.”
“See,” I tell Charlotte. “She gets it. Look how good they look.” I hold out a foot, showing off my bright white Converse, which are the only ones I own that I thought complemented the deep blue of the dress.
“Please do not encourage her.” Char gives Maisie a pointed look.
“Just wait... I’ll get you there eventually,” I tell her with a grin.
“Doubtful,” Char grumbles as I follow her around the back of the car, joining Maisie on the sidewalk.
What started as a little nervous flutter on the way over has suddenly bloomed into a swarm of butterflies flapping so wildly in my stomach I feel seconds away from taking flight. I haven’t seen Owen since the day we met, so there’s definitely some unknowns here, and as we’ve established, I’m someone who likes to know what to expect.
“You good?” Maisie asks as we make our way up the front lawn of the large, two-story house.
“Yeah.” I nod, not sure how convincing I am.
“If you ladies are good, I’m going to go find Erik,” Char tells us just as we enter the house.
“We’re good.” Maisie smiles. “Have fun!” She wiggles her fingers at Char.
“Oh, I intend to.” Char saunters off, looking every bit a man-eater in her tight silver dress and matching heels, her auburn hair flowing down her back in big, chunky waves.
Between her and Maisie, who’s wearing a pink dress that accents her soft brown skin and dark hair beautifully, I really do feel like the duff (designated, ugly, fat, friend). Not that I’m fat, or ugly, but compared to them... Well, you get the idea. It’s hard to feel confident when you know next to your friends, you simply don’t measure up.
“At least one of us is getting laid tonight.” Maisie knocks her hip into mine. “Come on. Let’s get a drink.”
Once we both have our drinks, Maisie and I spend the next several minutes walking around, talking to random people. Like Char, Maisie knows a ton of people, which makes me feel very much like a pathetic little tagalong because I know very few people. And even the ones I do know, I don’t know well. I’m learning that the majority of students are from in state, which makes it a little hard to make friends when so many others already had friend groups established coming into freshman year.
Maisie and another girl whose name I can’t remember even though we were just introduced a few minutes ago, are in pretty deep debate over a particular class they share when I feel someone slip up behind me. I’m seconds away from throwing an elbow when a familiar voice tickles the back of my ear.
“I almost didn’t recognize you in this dress.” Owen’s hand slides around my front, his fingers spreading across my stomach.
While the motion makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, considering I barely even know the guy, I try to push past the feeling, knowing it’s just my nerves getting the better of me.
“What gave me away?” I ask, glancing back over my shoulder to see his hazel eyes glossy and bloodshot.
Well, someone started early .
“The shoes.” He gives me a lopsided grin, spinning me around to face him. “Can I get you a drink?”
I can smell the alcohol thick on Owen’s breath as he leans in closer.
“I’m okay,” I tell him, having not even drunk half of my first one before setting it down somewhere and leaving it. I meant it when I said I had no intention of repeating my past mistakes. I’m the kind of person who usually learns my lesson fairly quickly.
“Then a dance?”
I glance at Maisie, who’s watching me with a smile.
“Go.” She does a shooing motion with her hands, letting me know it’s okay to leave her.
“Okay,” I softly agree, allowing Owen to take my hand and pull me through the crowd toward the front room where the DJ is set up and several others are dancing.
“You look amazing,” he tells me, pulling me close before tugging my hands up around his neck.
If only... I feel like a fraud in this dress. I feel like a fraud in general.
“Thank you.” I smile, following his lead as I move my hips in time with the heavy beat of the music, which is much louder in here than any other part of the house, for obvious reasons.
I love dancing. I always have. But after the way things went down after senior prom, I don’t know... It feels different. Probably because the last time I danced like this was with Leo, just hours before I caught him in bed with my best friend.
I try to stay in the present, but I can’t shake the nagging feeling in my gut that keeps me firmly glued in the past.
I close my eyes and I can see it so clearly. Her on top of him. The look on his face when he finally noticed me. The way she looked at me. My best friend.
Four months. That’s how long ago my entire world imploded. Four months, which somehow feels like an eternity ago and yet like it was yesterday all in the same breath. I still feel the sting from that night. No matter how hard I try to hide it, no matter how many smiles I fake or laughs I force, deep down, I know the truth I’m so desperate to hide from everyone else, and sometimes even myself... Just how broken I truly am.
They broke me. And I still haven’t figured out how to put myself back together yet.
Tears prick the back of my eyes and I suddenly feel on the verge of hyperventilation. The room is too small. The music is too loud. There are too many people. He’s too close...
I shove away from a surprised Owen, stumbling as I try to make my way out of the crowded room. I knock into several people on my way to the front door, but I’m too concerned with the heave I feel in my chest, threatening to expel the contents of my stomach all over the floor, to care enough to apologize.
I throw open the front door with so much force that the hinges groan, sprinting across the porch and out into the front yard like the damn house has caught on fire.
I slow to a stop next to a large tree with branches that hang low enough that if I wanted to, I could climb it. And for a brief moment, I consider it. When I was young, anytime I’d get mad at my parents or in a fight with one of my brothers, I’d climb the old oak tree in our backyard. Sometimes I’d stay up there for hours, usually until River could convince me to come down.
Leaning my shoulder against the rough bark, I breathe deeply through my nose and out through my mouth, trying to calm the impending panic attack clawing at my back.
I’ve been so good, having not had a single attack since I arrived in Virginia. Back home, I had them almost every day following what happened with Leo and Summer. My parents were beside themselves. They were so worried that they started to question if going to Virginia was the best idea, so I started to hide them, until hiding them became the norm.
“Now I get the shoes.”
I go rigid at the sound of the too-close voice.
“It’s so you can make a quick escape.”
I glance behind me to see Kai Elliot, the damn god that he is, smirking at me. Or at least, he was smirking, until he gets a good look at my face.
“Are you okay?” His expression goes somber.
“I’m fine,” I say too loudly, trying to calm my heart, which feels seconds away from beating straight out of my damn chest.
“You don’t look fine.”
“I said I’m fine.” I bite more forcefully, my legs starting to give. “I can’t breathe.” I sink to my knees, my lungs so tight it feels like someone has sucked the air right out of them. “I can’t breathe.” Tears don’t just sting my eyes this time, they sting my cheeks too.
“Look at me.” Kai drops to the ground in front of me, taking my face in his hands. If I didn’t feel like I was about to die, I’d probably be losing my crap right about now. “Look at me,” he demands, his voice firm, a complete contradiction to how gently he touches me.
I do as he says, lifting my gaze to meet his.
“Focus on me and breathe. Deep breath in.”
I do as he says, though the action is strained.
“Blow it out slowly.”
I do.
“Again.”
I repeat the process for what feels like a hundred times, letting him guide me. Eventually, my heartbeat slows and I’m able to breathe easier. The panic slowly fades, little by little, and complete and utter mortification takes its place.
“I think I’m okay,” I finally say, my voice shallow.
His hands slowly slide from my face and a small voice in my head protests.
“Do you think you can stand?”
I nod, watching him rise before he leans down, taking both of my hands and pulling me to my feet.
“I... I think I’m good now. You can go back to whatever you were doing,” I say, unable to bring myself to meet his gaze as I reluctantly pull my hands from his.
Why does he have to be so freaking beautiful?
And why do I have to be so freaking pathetic?
I know he’s bad news. Even if Maisie hadn’t told me so, I’d know. It’s etched into every line of his perfect face like the ink that covers his entire arm.
“There you are.”
I turn just as Owen reaches us, his gaze skirting over my face for the briefest of moments before darting to Kai.
“What are you... Is this guy bothering you?” He sways slightly where he stands.
“No.” I shake my head. “He was just—”
“Taking her home.” Kai tugs me backward, tucking me into his side in a way that feels oddly territorial, my heart jackhammering inside my chest for an entirely different reason this time.
Jesus, at this rate, the poor organ is going to give out. I’m not sure how much more she can actually take tonight.
I try not to breathe in his intoxicating scent, but it’s impossible not to do when it surrounds me like a blanket. I close my eyes, bathing myself in it, knowing it’s probably the only time I’ll ever be this close to one Kai Elliot, and not wanting to waste a single second.
It’s unhealthy and irrational, my weird obsession with this man. But I take comfort in the fact that I know I’m not alone. You don’t look like him and not have admirers lining up at your door for the chance to be the person who gets to call him theirs. Though I doubt he’s the type to ever give anyone that kind of power over him. I don’t have to know a single thing about him, but that much I could tell the first time I laid eyes on him.
“You’re leaving?”
My eyes dart open and I watch Owen’s expression shift.
“With him?”
“I...”
“She needs to go home,” Kai interjects, his tone leaving no room for argument, not that I could argue with him even if I wanted to, the attack leaving me disoriented and honestly, downright exhausted.
“I can take you.” Owen starts to move toward me but trips, able to catch himself on the tree just in the nick of time.
“Clearly,” Kai grumbles.
“Owen!” A couple of guys stumble out onto the porch, holding up a long funnel. “Jase is going to attempt to break your record. You better get in here and defend your title.”
Like I’m not even standing here, Owen turns, throwing his hands up in the air as he stumbles back toward the house.
“Not a fucking chance...” he slurs as he disappears back inside.
“Real winner, that one.” Kai snorts.
“He’s... nice,” I disagree, though I will admit, he’s not as charming when he’s piss drunk.
“Yeah, seems real nice.” Sarcasm drips from his tone. “Let’s get you out of here.” He turns and I have no choice but to turn with him.
“You don’t have to—” I start, but Kai quickly cuts me off.
“My ride is already here and I’m heading in that direction anyway, so it’s really no problem.”
“The direction of my dorm?” I glance up at him as he guides me to the running car parked next to the curb.
“I live not far from there,” he tells me, opening the back seat of the black sedan before guiding me inside.
“How do you know where I live?” I blurt as he climbs into the car next to me.
My breath hitches when he leans across me and snaps my seat belt into place.
Who the hell is this guy?
“I make it my business to know certain things.” He snaps his own seat belt.
“Like where I live?” I gape openly at him.
“You live with Maisie.” He reminds me that they know each other, leaving me feeling the sting of embarrassment even deeper than I already was.
His head drops back against the headrest as he lets out a slow, tired breath before his face turns toward me.
“Does that happen often?” he asks, his voice softer than before.
“Does what happen often?”
“Do you have panic attacks often?”
I have to resist the urge to snap at him and deny that’s what that was, my defensive walls inching up by the second.
“Sometimes,” I reluctantly admit. “But I haven’t had one in a while.”
“What triggered it?” His tone is soft, questioning, but does not hold a single ounce of judgment.
“It’s stupid.” I shake my head, turning to look out the window. “I’m surprised you were leaving the party alone.” I look back at him after a long moment.
“I’m not alone.” His mouth lifts in a half smile, not the least bit offended by my insinuation. “I’m with you.”
“You know what I mean.” I shake my head.
“Who hurt you?” His question catches me off guard and worse, I’m sure my expression shows it.
“How do you know someone hurt me?” I swallow past the knot that wedges itself at the base of my throat. I’m not used to feeling quite so... seen.
He gives me a look that makes me feel so transparent that I want to curl in on myself to keep him from seeing all the things I work so hard to hide.
“No one that matters,” I finally admit, blowing out a slow breath.
“But someone did hurt you.” It’s not a question.
“Getting hurt is part of life.” I lift my shoulder in a semblance of a shrug.
“That it is.” He nods, turning his head to look out his own window.
We don’t speak for the remainder of the car ride. I busy myself by texting Maisie and Char to let them know I headed home early, obviously leaving out the part about who I left with and doing my best not to fidget.
“So, you and Owen?” Kai breaks the silence as we pull up in front of my building.
“You know Owen?” I ask, getting the feeling that tonight isn’t the first time the two have crossed paths.
“I do. The question is, how do you know Owen?”
“Not that it’s any of your business.” My tone is harsher than he deserves, given that he basically saved me tonight. “But I met him last week while getting coffee.”
“Piece of advice?” He doesn’t let me say whether or not I want said advice before continuing. “Steer clear of that one.”
“Why?”
“Let’s just say, he’s not your type.”
“How do you know what my type is?”
“The same way I know that dress isn’t you. I pay attention.”
I draw back like he’s just poked me with a hot branding iron.
“What’s wrong with my dress?” I hiss, embarrassment heating my cheeks.
“Don’t get me wrong, you look fucking edible in it.” He gives me a once-over and I swear I feel his eyes everywhere . “It’s just not you .”
I squirm under his intense stare.
“Because you know me so well,” I bite, feigning irritation to cover up the other things I’m feeling at the moment.
“Like I said, I pay attention.” He unclasps his seat belt and climbs from the car just as it comes to a complete stop.
I haven’t even removed my own seat belt before he’s at my door, tugging it open. My breath lodges in my throat as his muscular frame leans across me, his body and scent invading every inch of my space as he unclasps my seat belt for me.
“I’m capable of buckling and unbuckling myself,” I tell him, refusing the hand he offers.
He steps back just enough to give me room to exit the car before leaning down to thank the driver.
“No problem. Have a good night.” The younger man offers back, driving off seconds after Kai shuts the door.
“Where do you live again?” I ask, gesturing around at the group of buildings in front of us.
“That’s private.” He takes off up the sidewalk toward my building, forcing me to jog to catch up to him.
“Seriously? You can know where I live, but I can’t know where you live?”
“You’re catching on.” He stops at the front door. “Give me your badge.”
“I think I can take it from here,” I tell him, cutting him off as I squeeze between his massive frame and the entrance.
Scanning my badge, I swing open the door, giving him no choice but to take a step back.
I’m torn between wanting to put as much distance between us as possible and begging him to come up to my room and make me forget all about tonight, or hell, all about the last few months entirely. And he probably could too. I’d wager a guess that he’s incredible in bed. If Maisie is to be believed, he’s had a lot of practice.
Which is exactly why I choose option A.
“Thank you for tonight.” I turn in the doorway. “And for the ride.”
“You take care, Converse.” He looks at me for another long moment, like he wants to say something else, but instead, he turns abruptly and walks away.
I stand in the doorway and watch him until he disappears around the corner, heading toward the right, either because he lives in that direction, or because he wants me to think he does. Either way, I don’t have the mental capacity to even begin to worry about that right now.
Not with everything that happened.
Not with how I had a panic attack in the middle of a freaking party, or that my rescuer was none other than the man I’ve been daydreaming about for weeks.
He’s different than I expected. The way he handled me so gently, like I was precious glass and he was terrified of breaking me. But then the way he looked at me in the car, like he could eat me alive right where I sat... That man is the definition of a walking contradiction.
And if I was a bit distracted by him before, now I’m completely consumed. Desperate to know every detail about him. Desperate to get close to him and unlock all those secrets he keeps hidden behind a cocky smile and an arrogant attitude.
Because he’s not the only one who’s been paying attention...