Chapter 23 – Cassini #2
She stands perfectly still as I work, her breathing shallow but steady. When the fabric pools at her feet, I help her step out of it, then guide her toward the bath. She leans heavily against me as I swirl my hand in to mix the salts.
“The water’s perfect,” I murmur, supporting her as she steps into the tub. “Just relax. You’re safe now.”
She sinks into the warm water with a shuddering sigh, and for the first time since the attack, some of the tension leaves her shoulders. But her eyes remain distant, like her thoughts are locked somewhere I can’t access.
“Cass, I’ve got a headache,” she says. Her voice already sounds stronger. “Give me that hand and put it on my head. Like a cold rag.”
“Anything you need.”
When I place my icy hand against her brow bone, she sighs and sinks lower into the water.
For a while, we stay like this—with me kneeling beside the tub with my palm providing cold relief, and her lying still with her eyes closed.
Occasionally shifting position and punctuating the silence with the sound of water sloshing against the sides of the tub.
The guilt of seeing her like this, so fragile, hits me like a freight train, and I realize how badly I’ve fucked this up.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I should never have pushed you. If anything happened to you…”
“Something did happen to me,” she whispers, and it stops me dead in my tracks.
She’s right. She wasn’t killed, but she was harmed. The purple welts forming around the wounds on her neck are proof of that.
“I don’t blame you for it,” she continues, eyes still closed.
“But you should have listened to me. I’m a big girl.
You couldn’t have known that would happen, but please don’t do that to me again.
When I tell you something, you’ve got to trust me.
I’ve been on my own a long time. I know what’s best for me. ”
I stroke her eyebrow with my thumb, and she pushes against my palm like an impatient cat trying to get more pets. Her eyelids flutter open, and I see the light gradually returning to them.
“You know what’s best for you,” I repeat.
I watch as awareness creeps back in. First, recognition of where she is. Then, memory of what happened. I see the exact moment it all comes flooding back. Her fingers instinctively move to her throat, assessing the damage.
“He could have killed me,” she whispers, and the words sting like a slap on burnt skin.
“But he didn’t. I wouldn’t let that happen.”
She studies my face in the cold bathroom light. “You were going to kill him, weren’t you? If I hadn’t stopped you.”
I can’t lie to her. “Yes.”
My fingers move to her neck, tracing the marks left by that piece of shit back at the bar. She winces, and a blazing rage ignites inside me.
That cannot happen tomorrow. Lily cannot be hurt again. I will burn this city to the ground before I let anyone else touch her.
Except the weaker I get, the harder it is to protect her. The creeping blackness in my veins is growing by the day. And when I notice it’s climbed yet higher, I shove my sleeve down to cover it.
I have to finish this tomorrow. No matter what it takes.
Lily’s quiet for a long time, processing the events of the last few hours. Now this is real. She’s finally seen what I’m capable of, even if I’m half the vampire I once was. The water cools around her, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
“I’ve seen some traumatic shit, but never seen anything like that,” she says finally. “The way your eyes burned red like that. The sound his bones made when you…” She trails off, shaking her head.
I have to ask, even though I’m terrified of the answer. “Are you afraid of me now?”
She considers this seriously. “I guess I should be. Any sane person would be. But all I kept thinking was how safe I felt when you showed up.” Her eyes meet mine. “Does that make me crazy?”
“It makes you mine,” I say before I can stop myself. “And I have to protect what’s mine.”
There’s too much heat on her now. Without her by my side, I’ll be at a disadvantage against enemies who grow stronger while my power shrinks.
Unless…
No. I couldn’t do it. Hurt her again when she’s at her most vulnerable. Push my fangs into the spot where that parasite was just tearing into her flesh and drink her blood like the lowly bloodsucker I am. Take advantage of her weakness and pray I’d be able to stop myself.
But a treacherous part of me knows the truth—her gift could be the advantage I need to get Megan to safety and end this pact. If I don’t, I’m dead. And if I’m dead, Lily dies with me. Every day, my ability to protect her slips further away.
I have to drink from her. Even if it destroys us both. Even if I can’t admit to myself how desperately I crave it.
A little pain now, so she can be safer later. That’s what I tell myself.
She blinks up at me from the bath, curiosity burning in her eyes. Her water-wrinkled fingers reach up to trace my jaw.
“You want to drink from me,” she says quietly.
Shit. I haven’t been guarding my thoughts around her lately, but her abilities are returning after the psychic battering at the Jackalope. I think about lying, but there’s no point.
“Yes.” The word is bitter. “Some of your abilities transferred to me last time, and we need every advantage tomorrow. Nocturne will be ten times worse than tonight. More vampires, older ones, more dangerous. I’m sorry, but I can’t let you walk into that, not after what happened.
But I need to be able to hear their thoughts. ”
She sits up, pulling her knees to her chest, like she’s just noticed her nakedness. Her tone is strong and defiant. “I’m coming with you.”
“No, you are not. It’s out of the question.”
“I am coming with you,” she repeats. Louder and slower this time. “I promised I would do this, and I’m going to see it through. Besides, you said it’s going to be dangerous. You think I’m going to let you walk into that alone?”
She slides her wet hair away from her tender neck and grimaces as she presents her bruised throat to me. “I’m not taking no for an answer. I’m coming with you, and you’re going to drink from me. We need every advantage we can get. So hurry up and drink.”
She’s offering herself up like a sacrifice, trusting me with her life when she has every reason not to. I’m a piece of shit, but my predator instinct takes over and taints every part of me that’s still human.
The air stills, my vision narrows, and all I can see is the pulse fluttering beneath her skin. All I can hear is the sound of her blood rushing through the channels of her broken body.
A jolt of shameful desire rips through me, and I can’t stop myself.
I lean down and press my lips to her throat, feeling her essence thrum beneath my mouth.
When my fangs pierce her tender tissue, she gasps and grips my shoulders but doesn’t pull away.
Her blood flows onto my tongue, and the world explodes into sensation.
“Just try not to nearly kill me this time,” she mutters with gritted teeth.
But all I can do is drink.