Chapter 30 – Lily
LILY
ONE MONTH LATER
My life has become smaller.
It’s been a thirty one days since I walked out of that underground dining room and left Cassini behind, and the world I now inhabit feels like it’s shrunk to the size of a fishbowl. I haven’t been to work—called in indefinitely on “family emergency” leave, which isn’t entirely a lie.
The mysterious appearance of two hundred fifty thousand dollars in my checking account two weeks ago made that decision easier, though I suspect it’s blood money from Lazaro. Hush money to keep me compliant.
Maybe I should have rejected it, but I consider it a kind of asshole tax.
Small compensation for my near-death experience at the hands of his disgusting twins.
I still have nightmares about them, often waking in a cold sweat and screaming bloody murder.
Even the prowling vampires stationed outside my home have complained about it.
I hear them thinking loudly about how annoying I am, but I can’t shake the terror that has lodged itself in my marrow.
Even when I received a parcel containing charred remains and two polished teeth, it brought me little comfort. The note that accompanied the box read:
“My dear girl, you’ll be pleased to know that one of the twins who harmed you is no more.
I considered executing both, but I felt it more fitting that the other should be forced to live an eternity without his other half.
Consider it a punishment for their slight against you.
I do hope this pleases you. You know where to find me if you change your mind. Lazaro.”
I don’t spend his money on anything extravagant. Just groceries, bills, the basics. It feels dirty, like accepting it makes me complicit in whatever game he’s playing, but I’m out of other options. I can’t go back to work like this.
The surveillance is constant now. There’s always a black sedan parked across the street at night, a different vampire behind the wheel each time.
During the day, it’s the crows. Everywhere I go—the grocery store, the gym, the coffee shop—there’s at least one watching me with those intelligent black eyes.
I read somewhere that crows can remember faces and hold grudges for years.
I wonder what I did to piss these ones off.
I used to find it creepy, but I’m getting used to it. The alternative—whatever undefined threat Lazaro claims to be protecting me from—must be worse.
Most days, I open myself up to the dead beyond the window.
It started as a test, to see if I could still do it without Cassini by my side, but the headaches came back fierce when I tried to ignore the ability completely.
Besides, I like helping them find peace.
Mrs. Schwartz from down the street visited last week, worried about her grandson who’d been acting out since her death.
A young man called Tony who died in a car accident needed me to tell his girlfriend he was sorry for the fight they’d had before he left that night.
Simple things. Human things. Nothing that involves vampire politics or blood oaths or ancient grudges.
I haven’t tried to contact my mother again, even though I’m desperate to find out about her connection to Lazaro. His name sits heavy in my mouth whenever I think about reaching out, but I’m afraid of what I’ll learn if I open that door. Some truths are better left buried. For now, at least.
The worst part is that I miss Cass.
I know I was angry that day—furious at being dragged into his chaos, crushed by the revelation that he’d used my abilities for his own survival.
But lying here in the dark, staring at the ceiling during yet another sleepless night, I can’t deny the ache in my chest when I think about the way his lashes framed his beautiful eyes, or the way my name sounded in his mouth.
The pain will fade eventually. It has to. But right now, it still stings.
Something’s bubbling and simmering inside me tonight, a restless energy that won’t let me sleep. I’ve tried meditation, chamomile tea, even counting backward from a thousand. Nothing works. My skin feels too tight, like I’m about to crawl out of it.
I know that something is coming.
A loud crash from downstairs makes me bolt upright. My heart thumps against my chest as I grab the wooden stake Paloma insisted I keep on my nightstand, along with a tangle of thick silver chain she blessed for me. When I visited her a few weeks ago, she confirmed a few things for me.
Yes, I was in danger. Yes, other vampires would come for me. No, Cassini hadn’t been to visit her again.
She gave a knowing smile when my shoulders sagged.
“You’ll have to forgive him eventually, mana.
Otherwise it’s like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
” Then she’d made me a few extra bolsitas to place around the house and thrust the weapons into my hands as I was leaving.
“But if that motherfucker comes around and hurts you again, you can always use these, okay?”
The weight of the arsenal in my hands is oddly comforting as I tread barefoot down the stairs. In one hand a bottle of silver spray, in the other, a carved weapon of jagged wood.
I draw the stake up like a dagger. “Hello?” I call out, trying to sound braver than I feel. “Who’s there?”
Silence is all that greets me, but then I hear a soft mewing from the kitchen. When I flip on the light, I find El Gato perched guiltily on my counter. The ceramic vase that usually sits on the windowsill is in pieces on the floor, water and dying wildflowers scattered across the tiles.
“Really, buddy?” I sigh, setting down my weapons. “You couldn’t just scratch the door like a normal cat?”
He just blinks at me with those golden eyes, completely unrepentant.
I’m reaching for the paper towels when movement in the backyard catches my peripheral vision. A shadow by the oak tree that shouldn’t be there.
My breath catches in my throat.
It can’t be.
Cass?
The shadow freezes, then starts to retreat toward the back fence. Without thinking, I drop the paper towels and run for the back door, fumbling with the locks.
“Wait!” I call out, yanking the door open. “Don’t go.”
The figure stops but doesn’t turn around. Even in the darkness, I’d recognize those broad shoulders, the way he holds himself like he’s ready to fight or flee at any moment.
“Cassini.” His name comes out barely above a whisper.
He turns then, slowly, and the security light catches his face. He looks terrible—paler than I remember, shadows under his eyes that weren’t there before. But it’s definitely him.
“I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step back. “I shouldn’t be here. I was just—”
“Were you watching me?”
He hesitates, then nods. “Someone has to. The others Lazaro sends… They’re too young, too inexperienced. If real danger came, they wouldn’t be able to protect you.”
“Others?” Something cold settles in my stomach. “How many times have you been here?”
“Every night.” His voice is barely audible. “I know I have no right, but I couldn’t… I needed to know you were safe.”
The admission hits me like a physical blow. “Every night? For a month?”
“I stay in the shadows. I heard what you said in the Hollow. You don’t want me around, I get that. I don’t interfere with your life. I just—”
“Come here,” I interrupt, stepping out onto the porch. “Please.”
He approaches reluctantly, stopping just at the edge of the light. Up close, I can see how much of a burden he carries, the bottomless darkness in his eyes. There’s something else, too—a careful way he moves, like every step causes him pain.
“I missed you,” I say, the words spilling out before I can stop them.
His face crumples for just a moment before he masks it again. “Lily, I—”
“I’m still angry,” I continue quickly. “About the promise, the blood pact, about you using my abilities. But I miss you anyway. I can’t help it.”
“I’m so sorry.” The words come out broken.
“For all of it. For dragging you into my mess, for lying to you, for letting you think I didn’t care about you.
The blood pact…yes, I needed it broken to survive.
But that’s not why I—” He stops, runs a hand through his hair.
“I was dying, Lily. Slowly, piece by piece. And I knew that if I died, I couldn’t protect you from what was coming. ”
“What was coming?”
“My family. They’ve been hunting me for years, and if they found out about you, they’d kill you.” He shakes his head. “I thought if I could get strong enough, I could take you somewhere safe. Somewhere they’d never find us.”
“Instead you bound yourself to their enemy.”
His laugh is bitter. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? Lazaro has the power to keep you safe from them, even if it means I must spend the next thousand years serving him. Just so I can keep you…”
“Keep me what?”
Instead of answering, he reaches for the collar of his shirt and pulls it down. There, hanging around his throat, is my silver necklace—the one with the “L” pendant. But where it should rest against his skin, there’s only burned, blistered flesh that sizzles constantly.
“I’ve worn this every day since I left you in that room,” he says quietly.
I reach a shaking hand to touch it, but he grabs me by the wrist and stops me dead in my tracks. “It’s hot. Don’t touch it.”
My eyes meet his, and when I see nothing but sadness staring back, they fill with tears. “Doesn’t it hurt?”
“I want it to hurt,” he replies, his voice hoarse. “It burns constantly, but I wanted to carry a piece of you with me. Penance for what I’ve done, and what I’ve lost. I was so stupid. I should have told you. I should have protected you. I should have done more. I should have…”
Tears sting my eyes as I reach toward his face, but he steps back.
“Lily, please. I don’t deserve…”
“The binding,” I say, studying his face. “How bad is it?”