Chapter Eighteen
Something Real
Quinn
There’s a moment after your first kiss with someone where the world feels slightly different. Not dramatically different. The sky doesn’t suddenly explode into fireworks and a romantic soundtrack doesn’t magically appear out of nowhere.
But something shifts.
Like the ground under your feet adjusted just enough that you notice it. That’s exactly what’s happening right now. Damien and I are still sitting on the edge of the dock, feet dangling over the water, but the air between us feels warmer somehow, closer, more aware.
And my brain is still replaying that kiss like it’s trying to understand how something so simple managed to feel so ... right.
“Well,” I say softly.
“Well,” he echoes.
“That just happened.”
“Yes.”
I glance over at him. Damien Grey looks surprisingly calm for a man who just kissed a girl he’s been quietly crushing on for months. Which is mildly suspicious.
“You’re very composed,” I say.
“I’m panicking internally.”
“Ah. That’s comforting.”
He smiles faintly. “You?”
“I’m doing the same thing.”
“Good.”
We sit there for a moment longer while the lake ripples quietly beneath the dock. A breeze lifts the loose strands of hair around my face and the silence doesn’t feel awkward at all. It feels peaceful. Which is new.
Because with Emette, silence always felt like something waiting to explode. Like the quiet before a storm.
With Damien it just feels like quiet and I didn’t realize how much I missed that until now.
“You’re thinking again,” he says.
“How can you tell?”
“You do this thing where your eyebrows pull together.”
I frown deliberately. “Like this?”
“Yes.”
“That’s rude.”
“It’s observant.”
I laugh softly. “You notice everything.”
“It’s a curse.” He says it like he’s actually put out.
“Or a talent.”
“Depends on the situation.”
I swing my feet slightly over the edge of the dock, watching the sunlight dance across the surface of the water.
“Today was nice,” I say.
“Yeah. Really nice.”
“Good.” I glance at him again. “You know what the weirdest part is?”
“What?”
“I thought today was going to be terrible.”
“Because of last night?”
“Yes. But it wasn’t.”
“That’s good.”
“I mean ... I still feel sad.” I confess.
“That’s normal.” He says calmly.
“But I don’t feel broken.”
He nods slowly. “That’s also normal.”
“I thought it would hurt more.”
“Sometimes relief shows up before pain.”
I tilt my head. “You’re very wise for an accountant.”
“I read a lot.”
“Clearly.”
We sit there quietly again before something occurs to me. “Do you know what today technically was?”
“What?”
“My first date with someone who actually likes me.”
He looks confused. “What about Emette?”
“He liked the idea of me.” I’m only realizing it now. He liked having a good girl as his girl friend, but he had an image of what he wanted me to be, not who I actually was. “That’s different.”
“Yes.”
“With you...” I hesitate.
“With me what?”
“You look at me like I matter.”
His expression softens. “That’s because you do matter.”
“See? That’s exactly what I mean.”
He glances down at the dock for a moment before looking back at me. “You’ve always mattered.”
“To you.”
“Yes.” The honesty in that answer sends a warm little shiver through my chest.
“And you never said anything.”
“You had a boyfriend.”
“You really respect that rule, don’t you?”
“Very much.”
“That’s rare.”
I think about Emette cheating on me and I know the words are true. The fact that someone is in a relationship means very little to too many people, it seems.
“It shouldn’t be,” he says with conviction.
“Unfortunately, it is. Respect for relationships seems rare these days.” I sigh and lean back on my hands. The sky has turned a deeper shade of orange now as the sun slowly sinks toward the horizon. “You know what else is weird?” I say.
“What?”
“I don’t miss him.”
Damien studies my face carefully. “Not at all?”
“No.” The answer is blunt and honest.
“That might change.”
“Maybe. But right now I feel like I just stepped out of a room that was too small.”
“That’s a good way to describe it.”
“I didn’t realize how much space I needed until I had it.”
He nods slowly. “You deserve space. You deserve someone who listens when you talk. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’re too much or not enough.”
The words hit deeper than he probably intended because that’s exactly how the last year of my relationship with Emette felt. Like I was constantly trying to adjust myself to fit into his expectations.
“I forgot what it feels like to just ... be myself,” I admit quietly.
“You never stopped being yourself.”
“It felt like I did.”
“Not to me.”
I look over at him. “Why not?”
“Because every time you walked into the shop with cupcakes and that bright smile...” He shrugs slightly. “You lit the whole place up.”
“That’s a lot of pressure.”
“It’s not pressure. It’s just you.”
My chest warms again. “Damien?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re very good at saying the right thing.”
“I’m just saying what I think.”
“Well, keep doing that.” I like hearing what he thinks.
“Deal.”
The sun dips lower behind the trees and golden light stretches across the lake like a painted path. “This is the part where people usually have a second kiss,” I say casually.
He raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“That’s what happens in movies,” I tease.
“Are we in a movie?” he teases in return.
“Probably not.”
“Then the rules might be different.”
“Or better.” I shift slightly closer to him. Not dramatically, just enough that our shoulders brush again and his breath catches softly.
“You’re dangerous,” he says.
“How so?”
“You’re very aware of what you’re doing.”
“Maybe, but I’m okay with it.”
He studies me carefully. “You’re sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“Because I don’t want to rush you.”
“You’re not rushing.”
For a moment neither of us moves before I lean in first. The second kiss is different. Still soft, still careful but more heated and more certain. His lips are firm against mine and his hand holds my neck firmly in place.
When we pull back Damien exhales quietly.
“Well,” he says. “This is happening.”
“Yes it is.” And for the first time in a long time that thought doesn’t scare me at all.
Because something about this, about him, feels real. Not dramatic. Not overwhelming. Just steady. And after everything I went through with Emette...
Steady might be exactly what my heart needs.