Chapter 39 Briar
brIAR
Monroe sleeps soundly on the other side of the glass, her body sprawled across the bed with my jacket tucked against her. A tangle of wild mint waves hangs over her face. She’s the most stunning person—harbinger or mortal—I’ve ever seen. It’s impossible to keep my eyes off her.
Fate knows I’ve tried.
I did everything I could to respect her wishes.
I stayed away, only interacting as needed to help her get through her courses at the Conservatory.
When she went out for spring, I kept my presence unknown—at least for the most part.
If she saw me, it was in my official capacity as Radix, sanctioned by Fate.
Not as a mate collared by the leash of our bond, desperate to be near her.
She barely understands what we are. And if she wanted to know more, she’s had ample opportunities to ask or research—the woman loves to learn. The way she soaks up information and retains it is an educator’s wet dream. I’d know, she’s given me plenty of them.
The last few days are rooted to my soul. I couldn’t forget them even if I tried, which I won’t.
It metaphorically kills me that I don’t know if I can say the same for Monroe.
Her hatred still haunts me, but it’s nothing compared to my own guilt. I may never forgive myself for my role in her death, but if earning her forgiveness means worshiping at the altar of her desire each solstice, I’ll fall to my knees, an eager supplicant.
Striding down the hallway, I check out from the Center, summon my floracycle, and head toward The Nest. I’ve already been gone for too long and I need to see my daughters.
Juni’s struggled enough after I was stuck last year—and she was finally starting to sleep better.
Once I get the girls to school, I’ll come back and check on Monroe.
Not that she’ll know. Her body slipped blissfully into rejuvenation, desperate to take the energy we harnessed through solstice and fuel her magic to its full potential.
I’m buzzing with the satisfaction of pleasing my mate.
The last few days were a glimpse of what could be.
Now there’ll be a few months apart while she rests.
The part of me that cherishes her well-being and knows how much she’s been through is glad for her reprieve.
The other part fears she’ll fortify not just herself but the walls she’s so meticulously crafted.
This solstice might be all we’ll have. Next time, she might close me out completely—or worse yet, invite another harbinger to her bed. She’d almost left with Tom that night at The Velveteen Rose. It was a moment of weakness, scaring him off. Not one I’m proud of…at least not for the right reasons.
A growl vibrates through my chest as I climb off my floracycle. No other harbinger will satisfy my mate like I can. My pants grow tight, so I stay in place, exhaling the memory of her fucking herself, my cum sliding inside her, the faux lock drawing out everything I had. For her.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I steady my breath, thinking about the curriculum, Radix meetings, and moldy cabbage. When you have to tamp your desire around a mate who rejects you, these tricks—I’ve sadly learned—come in handy.
There’s no use thinking about the future. For now, I’ll focus on my family. My girls need me, and while I may have failed Monroe as a prospective mate, I’ll never let my daughters down.
Turning the knob, I walk through the door to the sizzle of the griddle and giggles of four small sprouts.
Mom is in the midst of serving the girls blueberry pancakes.
Lily scoops up a heaping spoonful of lemon curd, plopping it on top of her stack.
The moment she notices me, the spoon clatters against the wood and she runs into my arms.
“Hiya, Lily.” I kiss the crown of her head a few times, setting her down so Taylor, Juniper, and Millie can reach me.
“We missed you, Daddy,” Millie says, tugging me even tighter.
“I missed you, too,” I wheeze out my next breath. Taylor just shakes her head at all of us.
The girls step back and scan me over.
“Where’s your jacket?” Taylor asks.
Juni’s eyes widen. “Did you lose it in Wonderland?”
“I see someone’s been reading on without me.” I chuckle and shake my head. “No, sweetie. I let a friend borrow it for a bit.”
My eyes dart around the room, searching for Dani.
“Still at solstice,” Mom says. “Grandpa and I have been keeping everything in order.”
“Thank you for that.” I forgot Dani would need to replenish after being away all season. I’m so used to the two of us being here ever since we ascended to Radixes. Corrigan too, though I thought she’d be back early after taking the inhibitors.
“Why don’t you get in a quick shower before you join us for breakfast?” Dad says with a sly smile. He bends over Juni and cuts up her pancakes.
I sniff my shirt and grimace.
Yikes.
As I pivot and head up the stairs, I smile, full of a twisted sort of pride. Beneath the dirt and grime and sweat—there’s another scent embedded in my skin. It’s nutty, rich, and full of spice.
It’s her.