Chapter 16 - Stone
SIXTEEN
STONE
“Okay, okay. Seriously, mom, no more talks about babies during breakfast.”
“How about dinner, then?”
“Suzanne!” Darrin chuckles as he scolds her.
“Fine! Jeez.” She surrenders.
“Thanks.” I push myself from the table. “I’m going to go check on Vanna. I’ll be right back.”
I head down the hall and into the main floor bathroom. The door is locked, but there’s always a little key above all the frames in case of a fire. So, when I walk right in, Vanna’s face morphs from surprised to venomous.
“Are you trying to get your mom to hate me?”
“Not at all! She actually loves you.” I tell her, leaning against the door.
Vanna sits on the edge of the tub with her hands in her face.
“She won’t after I break her heart by dumping you.”
“Then I’ll dump you. I’ll tell her you weren’t right for me.”
“Wait.” She uncovers her face and stands. “So, I’m forced into this fake engagement with you, and I don’t even get to be the one that does the dumping?”
I shrug, “I mean if you want, but then you run the risk of my mother hating you, but your call, I guess.”
“Wow. You are such a dick.” She shakes her head, exasperated once again. “And how dare you encourage her with this baby shit?”
I rear my head. “Baby shit?”
She raises her hands to air quote, “Not if I can help it.”
I chuckle at the way she’s blushing again, recalling what I told my own mother.
“What was I supposed to say?”
“Anything else? How about; we still have to talk about it.”
“Are you saying it’s up for discussion, then?”
“What?!” She swallows nervously. “No. Oh my God, no!”
I can see the bafflement written all over her face. She’s beyond frustrated and it’s making her flustered.
Walking forward, I stand in front of her and comb her dark hair away from her face.
“Do you want babies?” My question surprises even myself, but the steady strokes of my fingers along her scalp have instantly calmed her down.
She melts under my touch, just the way she did last night, and then her eyes flutter shut.
Shrugging, she murmurs, “Yes. Eventually.”
“But not my babies?” I tease.
“No, not your babies.”
Her voice is low as though she’s undergone hypnosis. I continue messaging her scalp a few more minutes just to keep her like this. Watching her completely disarmed is the hottest thing I think I’ve ever seen.
“Admit it though, they would be kind of cute.” I whisper in her ear.
She doesn’t admit it, but she doesn’t deny it either. Instead, she just succumbs to the way I work her into a mindless relaxation.
When she’s entirely placid, I cup the sides of her face and bring her lips to mine.
She lets me kiss her the way I want to. Slow and sensual.
The thought of brainwashing her this way crosses my mind.
It would be so easy. She becomes entirely submissive the moment she’s disarmed and all I would have to do is convince her she loves me.
It wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve done. What’s so terrible about loving me?
There’s something about Vanna that has burrowed its way deep inside of me that I can’t let go. Something I’ve been searching for ever since Ella’s death and here, I’ve found it, and it would be a crying shame to give it up.
Besides, we have a running bet and Vanna folding first would be the best win of all time.
The knock on the door startles us both. Jumping nearly a foot away from each other, we both stare wide eyed.
“I’m all for babies, but hopefully, you’re not practicing in my bathroom!” My mom singsongs on the other side of the door.
I swing the door open and laugh at my mother. “And what if we were?”
“Jesus, Stoney.” She rolls her eyes.
“We were doing no such thing, Mrs. Belmont. I promise.” Vanna interjects, throwing me a pointed glare.
“Well, I’m glad you’re marrying someone with manners.” She slaps my shoulder. “We’re leaving, so hurry it up in there.”
Vanna smiles and waits for my mom to walk away before leaving the bathroom. I follow after her and pinch her ass when we get closer to the front door.
She squeals and scowls at me, but I just laugh.
The longer we pretend, the more real it starts to feel and the scariest thing of all of it, is that I don't want it to ever end.
It’s hot and muggy, but it always is on this day. As we trek down the trail of the Capitol State Park, my mother and I reminisce about old times. It’s tradition now. Despite how the memories rip my heart to pieces over and over again, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Vanna hikes beside me in a black tank top and biker shorts. Today, her face is free of makeup, and her hair is in two French twists. It makes her look younger.
I like seeing different versions of this woman and I particularly like the one I’ve met today.
My mother finishes one of her stories as we slow down to take a break. She leans into her husband, and he consoles her while the rest of us take small sips of water and look at the view.
We’re nearing our destination and each year, as we do, the emotions always heighten.
“I don’t blame Ella for taking her own life.” I tell Vanna quietly. “I don’t hate her for it.”
“Why would you?”
“Some might. I think my mother silently resents her for it, but Ella was plagued with some dark shit inside that head of hers, and I know how hard it was to live like that. For her, it just wasn’t worth it after Jacob died.”
“I get that.” She looks up at me as if she’s contemplating something.
Then says, “I think I know exactly how Ella felt. For a long time, I struggled with depression. My mom was hard to deal with so I couldn’t confide in her.
My mental health got really bad in college.
I, um, would-” She looks away for a moment, ashamed.
“I would cut myself regularly just to feel something. Control or release, I don’t know.
It was so hard to express myself and it became so frustrating that I would make myself bleed for distraction.
“I had kind of a rough childhood. I-I grew up in the system. Bounced around for a few years in different foster homes until my mom finally got sober and could take me back. Except, then, I was so consumed and so busy trying to keep my mother alive between relapsing and the carrousel of abusive men, that I didn’t have time to worry about myself.
“So, when I finally moved out and left for college, I didn’t know how to cope with it all. Everything just sort of caught up with me, but by then, I had a perfect life. I should have been happy and healthy.
“It's kind of what drove me into Hunter’s arms in the first place. He seemed so normal at the time. I wanted normal. I wanted stable and boring, but still, something was missing. A piece of me was just so hollow.
“Eventually, Hunter started to fill up some of that space, but by the time I brought up wanting to get married and starting a family, he-
“Never mind. It doesn’t matter anyway because a couple months later I found out he was cheating.”
She laid it all out there for me as we continued the journey. We step over a large root obscuring our path and to my surprise, she lets me help her over.
“That’s when you left him?” I ask.
She nods. “And moved in with Daph, yeah. For the longest time, I believed he was everything I deserved. So, I went back too many times to count, but I’m trying to learn.”
“Well, now look at you, engaged to another man.” I smirk.
She elbows me in the ribs, but smiles.
“Fake engaged.” She reminds me.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m glad that piece of shit fucked up. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have found you.”
“Thanks.”