Chapter 33 Stone
THIRTY-THREE
STONE
Friday approaches too quickly. I promised Jace I’d be back for Saturday’s appointment, so while Vanna soaks under the sun, I pack our bags and load the car.
“Hey, are you ready?” I call out to her.
She lifts her head off the lounge chair and grimaces, “As ready as ever, I guess.”
I wait until she’s in front of me to wrap an arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head.
“The Hamptons is here whenever you want it.” I remind her.
“That’s right because what’s yours is mine.” She teases, flaunting her ring at me.
I scoff out a laugh, leading her through the house and to the car. “You do you realize that was my every intention, right?”
She shoves me, then slips into the car and slams the door shut.
When I settle into the driver’s seat, I clamp my hand down on her thigh. “Vanna, it might have started as a fake engagement, but I hope you know the moment you agreed to let me knock you up, it became real.”
Clearing her throat, she finds my gaze. “It’s fake until you make it real.”
“And how do I do that?”
“A real proposal. Not one where I’m forced to say yes because your mother already thinks we’re engaged.”
A wild grin spreads across my face. “Easy.”
Her smile falters now as she comes to the realization that I have every intention of marrying her.
The drive is comfortably quiet, music playing on low, until we hit traffic.
It’s then that she speaks again, “I-um, it’s probably nothing, but I was supposed to get my period a couple days ago and it hasn’t come.”
My heart skips a beat. “Really?”
“Yeah, I mean, it could just be stress, you know?”
“Or it could be a baby.”
I can’t help the feral smile that cuts clean across my face. She rolls her eyes, swallowing nervously, but doesn’t say anything else. Sensing her anxiety, I gently squeeze her thigh.
“We’ll pick up a test on the way home.”
She nods, “I don’t think it can happen that quickly. Besides, I was on birth control. I really don’t think I am.”
“Doesn’t hurt to find out.”
We stop at the pharmacy on the way back to our apartment and the moment we’re through the door, I’m tugging Vanna to my bathroom by the hand.
She stares at the box like its poison and then at me.
“Do you need help?” I tease her, trying to lighten the mood.
“No.” She scowls, ripping it open and pulling out the stick. “But it would be nice to get some privacy.”
“Vanna, I’ve literally eaten cum out of your asshole. You don’t need privacy.”
Pink erupts over her cheeks, and she grumbles incoherently.
As she pulls her shorts down and sits on the toilet, I nibble my thumb nail anxiously. I can tell we’re both uneasy, but for seemingly different reasons.
When she finishes, she places the cap back on the stick and lays it on the vanity over a tissue. I lean against the wall as she washes her hands, then pull her into me. She rests limply against my chest, and I lock my arms around her for the two minutes we wait.
Then, I reach for it. My heart thunders inside my chest, matching Vanna’s rhythm. I can hear them beat in sync, both knowing our lives might change forever.
Flipping the stick over, I look at the window. One pink line. Negative.
I let out a breath and show Vanna. The muscles in her body visibly deflate and then her gaze snaps to mine.
“I’m sorry. I know you were excited.”
Placing a kiss on her forehead, I offer her a reassuring look. “It’s okay, Darkness. Just means we have another month of practice. There are still so many ways I want to fuck you.”
A slow smile forms on her gorgeous face, and I find peace despite the results. If I have my way, then I’ll have forever to knock her up and that settles me in a way it shouldn’t.
As night approaches, I order us dinner and pull out a bottle of wine. Pouring us both a glass, I hand her one. She takes it gratefully, then makes her way over to the couch.
Joining her, I lower myself on the other side and grab her ankles so her feet are laying across my lap.
“Stone?” She says my name with a hint of melancholy and warning bells ring loudly in my ears.
“Yes, Darkness?”
She lowers the glass from her lips and stares down into her lap.
“Why me?”
“What do you mean?”
She sighs, contemplating her explanation. “You’re wealthy, hot, have the whole world at your fingertips. You could have any girl, why me?”
I purse my lips in thought because there’s no question about it. Vanna is all I see, all I want. The moment I laid eyes on her, I thought about nothing else.
“Because your very presence is mesmerizing. Your stare brings me to a place deep inside my own soul, a place I’ve longed to be for quite some time now. Vanna, you’re this enigma I’m desperate to understand, to unravel and devour.”
Her eyes glisten, but she holds herself steady. “I’m exactly what you named me: darkness. I’m gloomy and a sad excuse for a human.”
I place my glass on the coffee table and move her off my lap to crawl closer to her. She sits up and puts her wine next to mine, avoiding my need to be closer.
“Why are you saying all this?” She shrugs, so I grip her chin and force her eyes to mine.
“Vanna, are you familiar with daylilies?” I ask, changing the subject.
When she shakes her head, I continue. “Daylilies are known to only last a day, blooming entirely too quickly, but they’re breathtaking.
You’re like that, your blooms are fleeting, only giving me a glimpse of yourself on rare occasions.
But on those occasions, I drink in your beauty and eagerly wait for more.
And though, daylilies are a challenging breed, they’re entirely worth the effort. ”
She rolls her eyes, now causing the tears that welled there to drop.
“Vanna.” Her name is a plea on my tongue.
Gathering her face in my hands, I brush the streams now marring her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be so dreary all the time.”
“Stop, don’t apologize. I haven’t complained once, have I?”
She shakes her head, “No, but...”
“But what, Van?”
She sniffles, sucking in a large breath. “But what if we have a baby and I’m still like this? What if I’m like my own-”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” I growl. “You’re not your mother. Do you hear me?”
I nearly shake her head to force her gaze to mine. She frowns but doesn’t argue.
“If you’re that low, talk to someone. Sometimes, all we need is help.”
She doesn’t try to fight the sobs now wracking her body. I pull her into me, forcing her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her. She’s so small, tucked into my chest and I feel this terrible need to protect her, to slay all her demons and drag her into the light with me.
The only problem is our demons are our own.
It’s up to her to fight them now, up to her if she even wants to.
“I’m sick.” She says quietly.
“Did you get your period?”
She shakes her head, “Not yet, but I don’t mean physically, Stone. I’m sick in the head. Like your sister and I don’t see how you can look at me and envision a future when I’m bound to end up like her.”
I stiffen beneath her, my heart stalling inside my chest. My mind scrambles for the right words, but her confession has ripped a hole in my reality or what I assumed was my reality. Now, I’m realizing, I was living in a fantasy world where I would get the girl and live happily ever fucking after.
My thoughts all start to scream so loudly, playing bumper cars inside my head and a sharp pain shoots up between my eyes. Gently, I place her to the side of me on the couch and push myself to stand.
I have no words for her as I walk away.
Closing myself inside my room, I begin to pace back and forth, squeezing the bridge of my nose.
For some reason, I can’t even comprehend the fact that she actually just said that to me. That she could knowingly hand me the same heartache my sister had. My chest throbs as my heart bruises my sternum and my lungs go on strike.
My body is failing me.
Falling to my knees, I suck in breath after breath, each and every one useless. Air still seems to evade me.
I don’t even notice the door opening, or the small arms wrapping around me. It isn’t until Vanna is kissing the side of my face, that I fall back onto my ass and drop against the side of my bed.
She tries to hold me, but being too large for her tiny frame, she straddles me instead. The room sways and spins, turning my stomach until I’m ready to puke, but then she snaps my face to hers with a firm grip.
“Stone!” I hear her.
I hear her calling my name and the worry in her eyes sear into mine. A quiet forest, lush with trees and rich soil. It’s there in her gaze that I’m where I’m meant to be. It’s there that I still have a piece of Ella and that’s when it dawns on me.
Vanna is the piece of me I lost along with my sister and here I am losing it all over again.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”
I grab the back of her neck and pull her to me, resting her forehead against mine.
“You can’t leave me.” It sounds like a demand, but if she knows me like I think she does, then she knows I’m begging.
“I know.” Is all she says.
We stay like this on the floor for quite some time, allowing the room to right itself again and my heart to fall back to a normal pace.
“Did you mean it?” I ask, unsure if I really want to know.
She’s quiet, reluctant to tell me, but finally she answers.
“Yes. A part of me did, but after seeing you this way? Stone, you’ve done something to me that’s altered my brain. Before you, it was so easy to call it quits. I worked on it for years, worked on feeling better, being better. Faking it until I made it, but it’s all bullshit.
“Sometimes, that void is inside of you no matter what you do. It’s never filled, never goes away.
There are days when the smallest inconveniences push me over the edge.
So, I allow myself small little indulgences.
A cut here and there, just to comfort myself.
The idea that I can end everything here and now, is enough at times.
I just want to be in control of my own life, my own pain. ”
“Because you never were before.” I whisper, looking up at her.
She nods. “I’ve gone through some things in the foster homes that I never wanted to come back from, but here I am. At the time, I wanted to live, thought that there was so much more to look forward to than the beatings and the grooming and the molestations.”
I wince, the very idea that my Vanna was ever touched against her will drives a knife into my heart.
“You being here right now makes you so strong, Darkness. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because I see someone that’s lived in spite of her tragedies.
That’s made it out on the other end with her middle finger in the air.
You are the very girl I wish my sister could’ve known.
You struggle but... ask for help, ask me for help. I’m here.”
She deflates against me, nodding into my chest. Her hair brushes my chin, and I rest against the top of her head.
Running a hand through her raven locks, I tell her, “I will always pick you back up.”
Laying her down on the floor, I fit myself on top of her, running my fingers along her scalp. We study each other, both flayed open with our souls on display and I’ve never felt so seen. So...
“Vanna?”
“Hmm?”
I clear my throat, “I love you.”
A single tear falls from the corners of her eyes, and she squeezes them shut. A minute passes, then two and I realize she’s not going to say it back. Dropping my head in defeat, I begin to push myself up, but she wraps her legs around my waist.
Her eyes open again and when they land on mine, she swallows nervously.
“I love you, too.”
A small laugh rides on an expelled breath at her admission. It was everything I needed to hear.
Frantically, I rip her shorts down her thighs and begin to kick out of my jeans. I can’t bear the thought of not being inside of her this very moment. Here, on the floor of my bedroom, I shove into her.
Though, the moment I’m to the hilt, I take my time, memorizing every inch of the walls inside her pussy. She holds me, squeezes me like I’m a lifeline and once we lose connection all could be lost.
I’m not feral or violent, dirty or teasing. No, this thing taking place between us right now is binding for all eternity. I make love to Vanna and for the first time in my existence, I feel whole again.
She shudders beneath me and her eyes plead for me to save her, to fill her up with purpose. At least that’s what I see when she stares at me.
I plant kisses along her face, over her nose and cheeks, chin and mouth. I claim every inch of her body because it’s mine. It has been for a while, but now there’s no denying it. Vanna Taylor is mine; her soul, her body, her future.
“Marry me, Vanna. Marry me and we can spend eternity like this, entangled. We can make love, or you can fuck me in my ass, I don’t care, I just want you forever.” I smile against her lips and a laugh bubbles out of her. “God, that’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard.”
“You’re insane, Stone Carter.”
“Is that a yes?”
“I don’t know...” She teases.
To hell with this slow, torturous pace. I buck my hips, lifting hers slightly until she’s angled just right. I’ll force a yes out of her if it’s the last thing I do.
I fuck into her until she’s slippery and soaking and it’s then that she wails, giving me what I want.
“Yes! Yes! Fucking hell, YES, Stone!”
Smirking, I continue until I’m spending myself inside of her. When I pull out, I find that we’ve made quite a bloody mess on the floor.
She looks down between us, "got my period.”
Chuckling, I help her up, “I see that.”