Chapter 17 – Violet
I barely make it to the toilet before I’m doubled over and vomiting everything out of me.
It’s violent. My stomach twists and empties, and I can’t even breathe between waves. My forehead sticks to the cold ceramic, and the taste in my mouth is acidic. From behind me, I can hear Kaz banging on the door and muttering some words, but I'm too weak to pay any attention to him.
When it finally stops, I stagger up, legs trembling as I reach for the sink and rinse my mouth. My reflection is ghostly. Pale lips, sweat-slick skin, eyes wide and haunted.
And then—it hits me. I blink at the mirror.
Wait.
I haven’t gotten my period.
A tremor starts in my hands. My head tries to calculate backward, through all the chaos, but the dates are a blur. I haven’t had my phone, which means no period tracking app. No reminders. No thoughts of anything except survival and Kaz.
Kaz.
I jolt back to the moment and suddenly realize he’s still outside the bathroom, his voice low and urgent.
“Violet. Open the door. Please.”
His voice cracks a little.
I unlock the door with shaking fingers. As soon as it opens, he’s there—eyes wild, hands hovering like he’s afraid to touch me too hard.
“What happened?” he asks, scanning me. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?”
I shake my head once. Then again. Then I fall into him.
He catches me instantly, pulling me into his arms like it’s the only place I belong. I sob into his chest—loud, ugly, terrified sobs.
“I think I’m pregnant,” I whisper.
Kaz stiffens, just for a second. He holds me tighter like he can shield me from the fear clawing up my spine.
“Are you sure?” His voice is quiet now. Almost reverent.
I nod against his chest, swallowing hard. “I’m not completely sure, but…the suspicion is strong. I missed my window. I haven’t been tracking anything, and with everything that’s happened…I didn’t even think about it.”
Kaz tilts my face up gently with his fingers. His thumb strokes under my eye where a tear clings. “Violet,” he murmurs, “whatever happens…you don’t need to be afraid.”
My eyes search his, wide and uncertain.
“In either case,” he says, “it’s going to be alright.”
I want to believe him. God, I want to.
He brushes my hair back, his knuckles tender against my temple. “There’s a drug store just a few blocks away. I’ll go myself and get a test. You stay here. Don’t move. I’ll be back before you know it.”
I nod slowly, breath shaky. “Okay.”
He kisses me then—soft and sure—just once, on the lips. Like a promise.
And then he’s gone.
The door clicks shut behind him, and I’m left staring at it, hand unconsciously moving to my belly, heart thundering like it already knows the answer.
The moment Kaz is gone, the silence stretches and bends around me like a cage. I sit still for a few seconds, but then the nausea rolls back like a wave.
I dart to the sink, gripping the edges, but this time I manage to breathe through it. I sip some cold water from the faucet, rinsing my mouth again, trying to ground myself.
Don’t panic. Just breathe.
I walk out of the office slowly. The hallway is dimly lit, quiet. No sign of Arina, and honestly, I’m relieved. I don’t think I can talk to anyone right now—not with my heart feeling like it might tear through my ribs, and my thoughts spiraling in a dozen directions.
Everything smells like concrete and disinfectant here. Cold. Stark. Safe…but not comforting. Or maybe it’s just me.
I wander to the edge of the corridor and lean against the wall, folding my arms across my chest.
What if I am pregnant?
The question keeps echoing through me.
What does that mean—for me? For Kaz? For everything?
I try to imagine a child in all of this. The blood, the guns, the betrayals. My stomach twists again, but this time not from nausea. From fear.
What will Kaz say if it’s real?
No…I already know. He’ll want to protect me. Us. But that’s the problem. His idea of protection comes wrapped in violence and locked doors. And I’m not ready to raise a child in a world like that. In a life that’s been stolen and rewritten without my permission.
I run a hand through my hair, fighting the tears again. There’s too much uncertainty, too much pressure, too much Kaz. But also, a strange warmth too—because despite it all… he cares.
I’m scared. But I’m not alone.
And I don’t know what to do with either of those truths. Moments later, the front door bursts open so suddenly I flinch, but it’s just Kaz—winded, breathless, and holding a small pharmacy bag like it’s the most important cargo in the world.
“I got five,” he says, voice low but urgent, like he’s handing me medical-grade gold. “Different brands. Two digital. One says results in sixty seconds. I didn’t know which one would feel better for you.”
My chest tightens—not from fear this time, but something softer. He crosses the room in two long strides, his arm slipping around my waist, drawing me into him like I might disappear.
“Come on,” he murmurs, guiding me gently. “Let’s get you answers.”
We walk toward the bathroom together, and he doesn’t let go of me even as I pause at the door. I take the bag from his hands and glance up at him.
“I need to…do this alone,” I say, feeling awkward all over again.
He blinks once, then gives me a teasing smile—rare and crooked and so annoyingly Kaz. “You can pee in front of me, solnyshko. I’ve seen you do more…brazen things.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re not watching me pee.”
He laughs quietly, shaking his head as I nudge him out with a firm hand. “Fine, fine. But I’m staying right outside.”
“Of course you are,” I mumble.
As I close the door behind him, my fingers tremble slightly against the handle. I reach into the bag, line the boxes up on the counter. Here goes everything.
I make quick work of it because I’m eager—almost desperate—to see the results. I pee on three separate sticks—just to be sure, just to convince myself I’m not losing my mind. When I’m done, I place them carefully on the counter, my breath shallow and nerves twisting like a live wire under my skin.
From outside the door, Kaz’s voice pipes up, soft but persistent.
“Violet…can I come in now?”
I groan. “No. There’s literally pee on the counter.”
He pauses. “That’s not a dealbreaker for me.”
I close my eyes and sigh. “Kaz—”
“Let me in,” he says again, firmer this time. “You shouldn’t wait alone.”
I stare at the test sticks, as if they might catch fire and erase themselves. The silence stretches for another beat before I whisper, “Fuck it.”
I unlock the door.
Kaz is already halfway in when it clicks open, eyes searching for mine like he was holding his breath the whole time. I step back to let him in, trying to shield the tests with my body, but he doesn’t even flinch.
He walks to me first, not the counter. His arms come around me without hesitation.
I bury my face in his chest. We don’t speak. We wait.
Seconds feel like years, and then I hear Kaz’s breath hitch. He tilts his head slightly, eyes locked on the three sticks lined up like truth-telling weapons.
Two pink lines. Clear digital “Yes+” signs.
All three.
Positive.
My throat closes up.
Kaz turns to look at me, but I can’t even meet his eyes. I just stand there, frozen. Shaken. Airless.
“I…” I whisper, then trail off.
Kaz’s arms tighten around me. Like he’s the only thing keeping me upright. I’m in shock. And I’m not sure if I’m going to cry, scream, or crumble. I cry.
My breath hitches, chest tightening as if the air around me has been sucked away. A sob claws up my throat and slips out, ragged and loud. I try to muffle it with my hands, but it’s too late.
Kaz drops to his knees, arms still around me like armor, steadying my unraveling world.
“Hey,” he murmurs, voice low and firm. “It’s okay. Violet, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I choke out. “This can’t be real.”
He pulls back just enough to cup my face in his hands. “It’s real. And it’s okay. You hear me? I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”
I blink at him, stunned. “Happier?”
He nods, eyes burning with something unshakable. “You’re mine. And now….” He glances toward the pregnancy tests, then back at me with a crooked smile that almost breaks me. “Now, you’re never leaving me. I’ll protect this child with my life.”
The breath leaves my lungs.
I stare at him, and my voice comes out barely a whisper. “And who’s going to protect me from you?”
He stills.
The smile fades. The fire in his eyes dims, just slightly—shifting into something deeper. Something painful.
“I would never hurt you, Violet.”
“You already have,” I whisper. “You took me. You scared me. You put me in a cage and told me it was for my safety.”
“I didn’t know how else to keep you alive,” he says quietly. “But I’m learning. For you, I’ll learn.”
Silence stretches between us.
Then he leans in, presses his forehead to my stomach, and says in a voice that’s almost broken, “You won’t ever need protection from me. I’ll be your shield. Always. Even if I have to protect you from my own darkness.”
“I don’t want to raise a baby in your violent world.”
My voice is barely above a whisper, but the words hit hard. Kaz tenses beside me and slowly rises to his feet.
I don’t look at him. I can’t.
“I grew up alone,” I continue, my eyes stinging. “My mother died, and my father left. I don’t want my child to ever feel what that kind of loneliness tastes like. And what if something happens to you? Or me? What if we don’t make it out of all this madness?”
Kaz shakes his head. “You won’t go through that. Neither will our child. I swear it.”
I lift my eyes to his. “You can’t promise that.”
“I can,” he says. “And I will. Once I deal with Milo and find out who else he was working with, everything will go back to normal.”
I almost laugh, but the ache in my chest stops me.
Normal? There’s no such thing anymore.
But I’m too tired to argue. Too overwhelmed to keep the storm inside me at bay.
“I want to rest,” I murmur instead.
Kaz nods. He doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t press me further. Just pulls me into his arms, lifting me gently like I’m made of glass and he’s terrified I’ll shatter.
We leave the office in silence.
The hallway is dim and quiet, and the moment we enter the bedroom, the tension starts to bleed from my bones. He lays me down carefully on the bed and starts to pull away, but I catch his wrist.
“Stay,” I whisper.
He doesn’t hesitate.
He climbs in beside me, and I curl into him, burying my face against his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of leather and danger and something only Kaz carries.
His arms wrap around me, warm and solid. And for the first time since this chaos began, I allow myself to close my eyes.