Chapter 19 – Violet
I wake up to silence.
The bed is cold beside me. No steady heartbeat. No warm arms. No Kaz. For a moment, my chest tightens in panic. I sit up, the sheets falling from my body as I scan the room. My throat is dry and my hands are clammy.
Where is he?
Then I spot a piece of paper folded neatly beneath the warm glow of the bedside lamp. I snatch it up when I see Kaz’s bold, scrawling handwriting dancing across it.
“I’ll be back soon. You’re safe here. I promise. —K”
I exhale slowly, pressing the note to my chest like it might slow the thudding of my heart. But even as I read the words again, something inside me twists.
Something isn’t right.
Kaz never leaves without a word. Not anymore. Not when things have been this dangerous. He always makes sure he holds me and kisses me before leaving. I don’t care about the note, and I don’t care that we’re in a safe house; I want him. I can’t feel safe without him here.
I slide out of bed and wrap a blanket around my shoulders, padding barefoot to the window. The holding facility feels too still. Like it’s holding its breath. Just like I am.
I don’t know what’s going on—but I can feel it in my bones.
Kaz is hiding something.
And I don’t know if I’m afraid of what’s coming next….
Or of what I already know but haven’t admitted yet. I can’t afford for him to be reckless anymore. We have created something together, and this is now a team effort.
At this moment, I feel so lonely it hurts.
We left the estate in such a hurry that I couldn’t grab any of my phones; otherwise, I would have called Noelle.
Kaz did not worry when he walked in on me calling her earlier.
It’s weird, but I almost can’t believe it’s only been hours since he walked in and caught me with the burner phone.
A soft knock on the door pulls me from my thoughts. I turn quickly, expecting Kaz—but it’s not him. It’s Arina.
They’re standing in the doorway, one hand tucked into the pocket of their sleek jacket, the other gently tapping against the doorframe. Their blond pixie cut is slightly tousled, and there’s a fresh cut near their temple, barely scabbed.
They step inside without a word and come to stand next to me by the window. For a moment, neither of us says anything. We just stare out at the dusky sky.
Finally, I ask, voice quiet, “Where’s Kaz?”
Arina exhales. “He’ll be back soon.”
“Where did he go?” I press, hugging the blanket tighter around me.
“To the estate,” they say, glancing sideways at me. “Tying up loose ends. We were with him earlier, but came back ahead of him. He stayed to handle something.”
Something. That word never means anything good in Kaz’s world.
I nod slowly. My chest still feels tight.
Arina nudges me gently with their shoulder. “He’ll be fine. You know Kaz—he’s a storm wrapped in a body. Takes a lot more than a few bad men to knock him down.”
I try to smile, but it feels fragile.
Arina notices. “Violet,” they say, softer now. “Things are almost over. You’ve been through hell, but it’s almost done. You won’t have to keep looking over your shoulder. We’ll make sure of it.”
I look at them then, at the bruises, the bloodstained collar of their shirt, the unwavering calm in their voice. A pause stretches between us again, and then Arina gives me a small, knowing smile.
“Try to get some rest,” they say, taking my arm and guiding me back to the bed. “Kaz won’t be long.”
They sit beside me on the bed, a gentle smile on their face. I don’t know what it is exactly—something in Arina’s tone, the stillness in their eyes, the almost-too-calm way they spoke. Like they were reciting a rehearsed line. Like their comfort was…practiced.
Like a lie in a pretty coat.
My skin itches. My heartbeat stutters.
I try to brush it off—I do. But something about them feels wrong. It isn’t just the way they sit too still or how their smile doesn’t quite reach their eyes. It’s the way they didn’t meet my gaze when they mentioned Kaz. It’s the way their eyes—when they meet mine—are cold and terrifying.
Something is wrong.
Something is very, very wrong.
Arina is still sitting beside me, but for the first time, their presence is suffocating. The air is thick and heavy, like I’m drowning in it. My fingers curl tightly into the sheets.
And then it hits me.
Everything.
All at once.
The panic grips my throat, and I gasp. I can’t breathe. My chest tightens. My vision blurs. I clutch my stomach—our baby. My baby.
The first gunshots I caught on camera. The man being murdered that night in the alley. The first time I saw Kaz’s bloodied hands. The blindfold. The screams. The basement. The camera flash. The pain.
I feel like I’m back in that moment. Trapped. Alone. Breathing too fast.
I hear my own ragged sob, but it sounds distant. I curl in on myself, fists shaking, tears slipping down my cheeks. Arina says something—I think they ask me what’s wrong—but I can’t hear them.
I can’t hear anything except the rush of fear and the scream in my own head. I sob, hard and loud and ugly. Not just because I’m scared—but because something is wrong. And Kaz isn’t here.
Arina moves quickly, kneeling in front of me now. Their voice drops to a gentle, coaxing murmur.
“Violet…hey. Just try to breathe, okay? Deep in—”
They inhale slowly, demonstrating.
“—and out.”
I nod shakily, trying to follow their rhythm, but my lungs still feel tight, like someone’s wrapped iron bands around my chest. I’m still crying, hiccupping shallow gasps as I press my fists against my sternum.
“I’ll make you some tea,” Arina says. “Something to calm your nerves.”
They rise to their feet smoothly, the picture of calm. Too calm. I nod again, grateful but not comforted. I want Kaz! The moment the door shuts behind them, I suck in a shaky breath and wipe at my face. My mind is spinning.
Barely a minute after she leaves, the door swings open. When I see Kaz, I cry harder.
“Kaz—” I sob, breath catching. “Where did you go?”
He’s across the room in two long strides, dropping to his knees beside the bed as his arms wrap tightly around me.
“I’m here,” he whispers, one hand cradling the back of my head while the other presses flat against my spine. “I’ve got you, kotyonok. I’ve got you.”
The moment I’m in his arms, something inside me shatters and softens all at once. I cling to him like he’s the last solid thing in the world, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, clutching desperately. I can feel the roughness of his knuckles, the faint tremor in his body—he’s scared too.
His hand cradles the back of my head, guiding my face into the crook of his neck. He presses soft, reverent kisses into my hair.
“Breathe, sweetheart,” he murmurs, rocking me gently. “Just breathe with me. I’ve got you. Nothing’s going to hurt you. Not while I’m here.”
I gasp and hiccup against him, the panic still curling in my chest, but his words wrap around me like a blanket, pulling me from the storm.
“I was so scared,” I whisper, my voice raw.
“I know. I know, baby. You’ve been through hell.” His lips graze my temple again, his voice barely a hush. “But it’s over. I swear to you, it’s over.”
“I felt like I couldn’t breathe—like the walls were closing in—”
He cups my face and pulls back just enough to look me in the eye, his own gaze shining with worry and fury at once. “Look at me,” he says gently. “Breathe with me. In…and out.”
I try. I match his rhythm. His hand finds mine and presses it to his chest, over his heart.
“Feel that?” he says. “I’m right here. Alive. Breathing. With you.”
Tears spill again, but this time they’re softer.
“I’ve got you,” he says again, over and over like a prayer. “I’m not letting you go. I don’t care if the whole world burns—I’ll keep you safe. I’ll carry you through fire if I have to. You’re mine, Violet. And I’m yours. Always.”
His fingers stroke through my hair, down my back. A grounding rhythm. The door opens again. Arina walks in quietly, holding a cup of tea. “I brought this. Chamomile and mint. It should help.”
Kaz doesn’t look at them. His eyes stay on me as he says, voice firm but calm, “Leave it on the table.”
Arina hesitates only a second before placing it down and slipping silently out of the room.
As the door clicks shut, Kaz pulls back just enough to study my face. “Do you feel better? Is there anything I can do?”
I nod, still a little shaken. “Just stay with me.”
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
I reach for the tea on instinct, but Kaz catches my wrist gently.
“Don’t,” he says.
I blink. “It’s just tea.”
“I don’t care if it’s water from a saint’s palm,” he says, his tone suddenly hardening. “You don’t eat or drink anything unless I’ve tasted it first. Not here. Not now.”
I pull my hand back slowly, surprised by his intensity. “Kaz, that’s a little extra, don’t you think?”
He cups my face and makes me look at him, his voice low and razor-sharp with conviction.
“No, it’s necessary,” he says. “Because you’re everything to me, Violet. Everything. I won’t take any more chances. Not with you. Not ever again.”