Chapter 25 – Blair
“You saved me,” I said, staring into his eyes before wrapping my arms around him. “You saved us. Thank you.”
His grip tightened around me, gradually suffocating me. “Then why did you betray me?” he asked, his voice deep and laced with hatred.
“What?” I pulled away from him, confused by his words.
That’s when I saw the blood spilling from his lips and the wound in his stomach. My breath ceased, my heart skipped a beat when I glanced down, only to realize I was holding a bloodied knife.
“Why?” he asked, his voice weak and strained. “Why did you do this to me?”
I shook my head, confused by the scene unfolding before me. Just a second ago, I was thanking him for saving my life and that of our unborn child. So when did I stab him with a knife—and where did the knife even come from?
“I trusted you,” he said, rage flashing in his eyes as he reached out and grabbed my neck.
“Nik.” My eyes widened in fear, my palms slapping his strong arms. “I can’t—I can’t breathe.”
He grew horns on his head, and I watched him transform into a black monster with red eyes and a bald head. His grip tightened around my neck, his deep voice sounding like a thousand people were talking at the same time—it scared the shit out of me.
“You’ll rot in hell for your betrayal!” He raised his other hand, ready to attack, his demonic claws glinting in the moonlight.
“Nik, no, please, don’t!” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
That was when I woke up in my bed, panting as though I’d just run a marathon. My dress was damp with sweat, and my shoulders rose and fell with uneven breaths.
My hand immediately flew to my chest after I woke up from the nightmare, as if to stop my heart from escaping. I sat there on my bed, scared and miserable, overwhelmed by my own guilt.
It was just another dream—the same one I’d been having for the past three nights. I buried my face in my palms, hating myself for my sins. The image of Nik being dragged away in handcuffs still lingered at the edge of my mind.
The look in his eyes when he found out the truth would haunt me for the rest of my life. It wasn’t anger, nor hatred. It was pain—raw, pure pain. He believed I betrayed him, that I was the mastermind behind his attack.
But that wasn’t entirely true, and I wished I had the opportunity to explain myself. In all honesty, I had no idea how the Bureau found me—if I knew they were coming that night, I would’ve warned him beforehand. But they chose to show up unannounced, ruining my plans.
How could I live with myself after what I’d done to him? The Bureau had accused him not only of Richard Kane’s death but also of human trafficking and kidnapping. Nikolai Tarasov was guilty of many crimes, but not these ones.
This man risked everything for me. He literally leaped into the air, flew over a pit filled with merciless spikes just to save me. Yet, he was bundled away like a criminal. His only crime was buying me during that auction—if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been in this situation.
The Bureau needed a scapegoat, and he just happened to walk right into their trap.
I was praised by my colleagues and superior for a job well done. They said that I helped put a monster away and that I was a hero. But I didn’t feel like a hero. I felt like the villain in this story—a manipulative bitch who took advantage of a man’s niceness.
The more I thought about it, the more I drowned in a sea of guilt. I lay back on my bed, my eyes wide open as I stared blankly into space. I replayed our time together on the balcony, the banter we used to have, and how he always had that smug smirk on his lips.
I never thought that I would miss him—that I would miss the mansion. Yet here I was, unable to blend back into my old life. Nothing in my room felt familiar; a testament to how attached I’d become to the Tarasov household.
I clutched the hem of the sheet and pulled it over my body as tears stung my eyes. In the silence of my room, I let them flow like a river. My heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces, the pain charging my tear glands.
He must hate me now, and the mere thought of that alone sent shivers down my spine. Although everyone in the bureau idolized me for my impeccable act of deception, I couldn’t help but loathe myself for the same act.
Was I just as bad as he was? What was the difference between me and the monster I claimed to have brought down?
My thoughts kept me up at night, my conscience constantly judging me. The voices in my head called me a bad person—soulless and ruthless. I tried to tell myself that I did the right thing here, that he was a monster. But the only monster here was me.
In my defense, I was going to come clean; I was going to tell him the truth. But I was afraid of how he would react to it. Maybe I should’ve damned the consequences and just spilled the beans. Perhaps I would’ve done so if those idiots hadn’t kidnapped me just to lure him out.
Maybe if Director Voss hadn’t arrived with her team when she did, I would’ve summoned the courage to tell him when he returned home. But her timing sucked!
Clearly, there was enough blame to go around, and dwelling on that would solve nothing. The deed was done, and now the cat was out of the bag. The million-dollar question remained: What’s next?
The following morning, I returned to work like nothing had happened. I hadn’t sent an innocent man to jail. Well, he was hardly innocent—but you get the gist.
Later that day, the director called me into her office and asked me to take a seat. I did. I sat in the chair in front of her desk, my hands on my lap.
She stared at me for a moment before asking, “Agent Blake, is there something you wanna tell me?”
My breath hitched for a second, wondering if she’d somehow found out about the baby in my womb. However, I kept a straight face and answered, “No. Why do you ask?”
“You’ve been acting weird since you got back,” she said, reclining in her chair.
I scratched the back of my head and cleared my throat. “Maybe it’s because I’ve been through a lot and almost died on several occasions.” The image of myself falling into that pit came flashing into my head.
“I understand the trauma,” she answered. “I really do. But I need you to find comfort in the fact that you did the right thing.”
“Did I, though?”
She squinted her eyes, her head tilting to the side. “What do you mean? Because of you, all those girls are safe and are reunited with their families. That’s a win in my book.”
I said nothing, but the look in my eyes told her that I didn’t share her opinion.
She leaned in, elbows on the table. “Blair, tell me the truth: Do you feel guilty for putting him away?”
I clenched my jaw and let out a soft sigh. “I don’t know…. This just doesn’t feel right.”
“Oh, my God,” she grumbled under her breath, fingers plucking off her glasses. “He got to you, didn’t he?”
“I don’t—I don’t understand.”
“You developed some kind of sympathy for him because you saw a side of him that seemed human,” she went ahead to add, “Blair, listen to me: Nikolai Tarasov is a monster who has destroyed more lives than you can ever imagine. You did the world a favor by putting him away.”
“See, Director, that is exactly the problem,” I said, gesturing with my hands. “We put him away, yes. But can you sit there and tell me the method we used wasn’t extreme?”
Silence.
I continued, “We framed him for crimes he didn’t commit. How are we any better than he is?”
“Maybe he’s not guilty of this one. But you and I both know he’s guilty of plenty more. Weapons. Racketeering. Extortion. Money laundering—you name them.” She let the words sink in for a moment. “His hands aren’t clean, Blair.”
I paused a bit, then murmured to myself, “Neither are ours.”
She heaved a sigh and put her glasses back on. “I understand your skepticism, Blair. But sometimes, to beat someone at their game, you have to play dirty.” She looked me straight in the eyes. “In case you’ve forgotten, this is war—and in war, we do anything to win. Anything.”
This was where I drew the line because, unlike Director Voss, I wasn’t willing to part with my humanity just to bring down a criminal. The fact that the Bureau was ready to do anything and cross any line to bring down men like Nik was proof that they were exactly what they claimed to fight against.
Martha Voss knew that he was innocent of these crimes; I told her everything. I told her that he was there to save me. Nothing more, nothing less.
She knew Richard Kane was a human trafficker and also knew that I was the one who killed him. But she chose to change the narrative and pin it all on Nikolai Tarasov.
She did that because we didn’t have enough evidence of the other crimes he was involved in. This was the only way she could trap him, and she already had our people working tirelessly to tie everything to him.
“I need you to pull yourself together, Agent Blake,” she said, her voice shifting from soft to professional. “Because you’ll testify against him in court.”
“What?”
She continued, ignoring my shock. “You will tell the judge how Nikolai Tarasov kidnapped you and the other girls and turned you into sex workers.”
“But Director—” I tried to object, but she wouldn’t have it.
“That’s an order, Agent Blake.” The finality in her tone left no room for further debate. “You’re dismissed.” She returned her gaze to the laptop on her table, fingers rattling across the keyboard.
I hesitated for a moment before rising to my feet and leaving her office. It felt like my whole world had just crashed around me as I headed back to my desk. My heart was bleeding in my chest, and this guilt kept gnawing at me.
Hadn’t I done enough already?
Was this really necessary?
This was the worst period of my life, and it happened to be the most difficult task I’d ever faced. How could I testify against the man who saved my life? How could I look at him and lie to the judge when I knew he was innocent of the crimes he was accused of?
I felt my tear glands charging up again, and instead of going back to my desk, I hurried into the ladies’ room. Locked inside one of the stalls, I sat on the toilet seat and let the tears flow. I wept like a child, unsure of why I was so emotional all of a sudden.
Maybe it was the pregnancy. Or maybe it was just my humanity taking a toll.
Whatever the case, I knew I had to do something about this. Because if I didn’t, things would get ugly much quicker than I expected. A lot was at stake here, and if I didn’t tread with caution, I’d be the only one to lose in the end.
But regardless of my fears about how this could turn against me, I couldn’t play a part in destroying Nikolai Tarasov for a crime he didn’t commit.
I hated liars, and I couldn’t see myself lying to testify against the father of my unborn child in court.