Chapter 41 Natalia
Natalia
Today, I opened an hour later than I normally do so I could go to therapy. which Rowan insists on taking me to now. He’s been doing it every week for the past three weeks—dropping me off and picking me up.
I pretend it annoys me, but we both know I’m a shitty actress. The car rides to and from are some of my favorite moments with him, even if all we are is silent with our hands interlocked on his or my lap.
It was a last minute call, but I knew I needed it after a rough night.
Lately, I’ve spent almost every night with Rowan. And on those nights, I never feel sadder than I usually do. Instead, it’s just peace.
However, last night was an exception. I couldn’t understand it, and it was so sudden it felt like whiplash.
I cried, desperately missing my dads and feeling like a stranger in my skin.
Rowan, my angel, held me all night. We watched our comfort movies as we stayed utterly silent.
Just knowing he was with me was enough to settle me.
All I ever really need with Rowan is time together—it’s my favorite thing.
Lucky me that it is his favorite thing too.
Loving him has shown me that I’ve never really needed much. That, maybe, I’m not as hard to love as I always believed. I’ve only ever needed time with the people I love and who love me, even if it’s silent, while we sit in the same room.
Rowan does that with me. He makes love look so easy, and the way I love him? Easy.
I’m so disgustingly, sickeningly, beautifully happy. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that it’s all mine—all of this is for me. He loves me and I love him back—beyond measure. And sometimes, it’s hard to believe I deserve any of it, but I do. I know that—I’m learning that.
I deserve love like this—love like his.
And I can’t wait to see him today.
Is it weird to miss someone you saw only two hours ago?
The bell above the door chimes.
Speak of the devil…
Rowan is right on time and I grin all silly as I write his name and order on a paper cup in my purple sharpie. I add a heart after the “N” and begin his latte. I cap his coffee and heat up his buttered croissant.
He struts right toward the counter all tall and broad and beautiful. His eyes find mine, and he smirks. “Morning, sweetheart.”
My body flushes. I love that he is the only one who can do this to me—elicit this kind of bodily reaction. “Morning.”
His hands press flat on the counter and he leans over, reaching for my lips. I meet him half-way and give him a soft, careful kiss. Always a soft, careful kiss unless I want him to do me over this counter.
Another day…
“Hmm,” he hums against my lips, his tongue parting my lips for a deeper greeting. “Missed you.”
“You dropped me off,” I say.
“So?”
I roll my eyes. “You’re so needy.”
“Always for you, sweetheart,” he says, and presses one last kiss to my lips. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yes,” I say. “I’m great.”
“Good.” He presses one last kiss at the corner of my mouth. “I’ll sit and eat my breakfast then.”
I half smile. “Don’t worry.” I slide the paper cup and plate across the counter. “It’s on the house. You can pay me back later.”
He throws me a saucy wink. “How does lunchtime sound?”
I bat my lashes and breathe. “Good.”
“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he says, and I try not to wince at my regular outfit of jeans and an oversized sweater.
“You’re so obsessed with me,” I tease.
“Sickeningly.”
I huff a laugh as Rowan takes his breakfast to the high countertop at the window. I round the counter, grabbing my own coffee, to join in. Setting my mug down, my phone vibrates in my pocket.
Rowan goes around the counter, gathering napkins and whatever else he wants like he owns the place. I love it though.
I pluck my phone from my pocket and read the screen. “Oh my god,” I breathe. “Oh my god!”
Elena: Do you think we could meet at The Black Cat in an hour?
Natalia: Um, hi? Wtf
Natalia: Yes, I’m here now
Lana: I’ll be there
Isabelle: I’m finishing up a class, I’ll be right over
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
I’m still blinking, confused and surprised yet happy all at the same time as read over Elena’s message. “Elena…she’s…back?”
Rowan’s eyes widen into saucers. “She’s back?”
I nod. “I guess so. She’s meeting me and the girls here in an hour.”
“Wow…”
“I know.”
“Oh my god,” I breathe. “Does Luca know?”
Rowan shakes his head, hitching a shoulder. “I doubt it,” he says. “Strange how everyone’s life is just kind of—”
“Messy? Chaotic? Crazy?”
“Just a bunch of synonyms then,” he teases. “Even Julian—”
“What’s wrong with Julian?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing, just…has a crush.”
“JuJu has a crush?” I gape at my boyfriend. “No way! On who? And how come you didn’t tell me this before?”
Rowan laughs and kisses my cheek. “She’s a nurse. She took care of him when he had to get those stitches—moved into town a few months ago apparently.”
“Oh, so that’s her.”
His brow arches. “You know her?”
I squint at my gorgeous boyfriend. “Is her name Selena?”
“Yeah.”
“I met her in passing when she came into the bakery once,” I say. “We didn’t talk much. I only got her name, really. She seems nice.”
“Well,” Rowan says, “he seems quite smitten.”
“Holy shit.” I laugh. “Julian Rivera. Who would have thought.”
Rowan rolls his eyes. “Enough about them,” he says. “I want your attention now.”
“You have my attention, Rowan,” I tease and kiss his jaw. “You have always had my attention.”
“Saranghae,” he whispers on my lips.
“Saranghae, Rowan,” I whisper back, nudging my nose with his. “Are we still having lunch arond twelve thirty?”
“Yes.” He grins. “I’m making your favorite.”
“Mozzarella sticks with ketchup?” I ask. “Okay.”
Rowan’s hand slides up my spine until he’s cupping my nape of my neck and pulling my face to his. He kisses me hard, until I’m dizzy and can’t breathe. Whenever he kisses me like this, I momentarily go blind. Sometimes, it feels like I’m living in a dream—floating on a cloud.
SaranghaeSaranghaeSaranghae
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou
Regretfully, I pull away, my heart somewhere between my legs. I’ve got to get a hold of myself before my usual customers come in for their morning coffees and breakfast pastries. But I hold onto him because my knees are weak and wobbly, and I’m still seeing stars.
“Unfortunately, I have to go,” he whispers. “I wish you could just sit in the kitchen with me.”
“Just sit?”
“As long as I know you’re there, whatever you do is fine,” he says before placing a softer kiss on the corner of my mouth.
Rowan’s hand releases my body, and I hate it as soon as it happens. He sighs like he hates it too. “Don’t forget your breakfast,” I say, and hold out his usual.
He grabs his breakfast and kisses the apple of my cheek.
“I’ll see you at twelve thirty.” Rowan reassures me at the door, flashing me those pearly whites behind his grin and those sparkling ocean eyes my way.
“Yes,” I say.
“I love you, Natalia.”
“I love you too.”