Lana #2
I stare at him, wishing I was telepathic, so I could ask, Are you telling me to tell them about us?
“Do me,” he says firmly before nodding again and gesturing with his hand that I lay shit bare in front of the group. “Tell them everything, however you want to spin it. I can deal with whatever comes from it.”
I understand with my entire being that he heard my unspoken question, and he’s prepared for any consequences that may arise from sharing the truth of our relationship.
We both know it’s better to reveal our love sooner rather than later, but am I ready?
Fuck. I run my shaking hands down my thighs before clasping my sweaty palms together. “Okay.”
Martha grins and makes herself comfortable, excited to watch someone else getting grilled.
Dad sits up straighter and shoots me a warning look. “Steady on there, Goose. Go easy. He doesn’t know what he’s asking for.”
“Yes, he does,” Bates says, his face deadpan. “Lay it on us, Lana. I’m ready.”
I take a deep breath and release it in slow, stilted bursts.
“Bates had the best dad ever until he didn’t,” I begin quietly.
“He had more fathers after that. Good ones, shitty ones. He lost his little brother and was given a few more of those too, but it was never the same. He’s bounced from place to place, searching for a family like the one he lost, and he’s found parts of it through his work…
and maybe in gangs,” I add as my eyes fall on the visible ink at the end of his sleeve.
“We haven’t talked about that, but it fits, and he’s also found something close to what he’s looking for up here, in the Yukon — at Gambler’s Creek, in particular. ”
“Pretty on the money so far, eh?” Bates says to Dad with a sad smile. “This is the closest I’ve felt to a home since I was a kid, and that’s mostly because of you, Hawk. You’re a good fucker, and I appreciate you.” He turns back to me. “Keep going, Lana Baker-Hawkins.”
Nodding, I close my eyes and try to clear the lump from my throat. “It’d be easier to do if looking at you didn’t make me want to fucking choke up.” I point at my sister. “You’re making Martha cry again.”
“Am not,” they both growl, and then laugh when they realize I’m fucking with them.
Bates shakes his head and jabs a thumb in my direction as he looks at Dad. “This girl is a hoot and a half, Hawk. It’s subtle sometimes, but she’s funny as hell. Carry on, Lana. You haven’t mentioned romance yet, so it’s still my turn in the frying pan. Tell them about me and women.”
A crisp breeze sends a chill through me, and I pull my jacket tighter to protect myself against the cold and any adverse reactions my revelations may receive. The steam from my breath swirls upward, and I look beyond it to the stars, while I pray for mercy.
“Hoping to recreate the perfect family, Bates delivers a high standard of care and affection in his romantic relationships. He sees the best in everyone, but not everybody is good in the way he deserves, and he’s found out the hard way that his love is easy to abuse.
Blinded by his big heart and his desire to build a home, he’ll sacrifice his needs to prioritize those of others — to where he’s often left propping up both sides of a relationship, which is unsustainable, but he’s a martyr for love, so he’s endured all sorts of connections only to end up alone time and again, but when the right woman shows up, he’ll know why the others didn’t work out. ”
I risk a quick glance at Bates, expecting him to be offended, but he’s not. He’s nodding along, as if he agrees with everything I’m saying. He motions for me to keep going.
“She’ll be perfect for him. A smart and loyal woman who has also longed for not just a friend and lover, but a true home. It’ll be a happily ever-after scenario because they’ll both be filled with a sense of belonging with each other. Probably right from the start, when they first meet.”
The group is silent, and I don’t dare look at any of them for fear I’ll lose my nerve.
“There will be tests for her, though,” I continue.
“Bates has had his heart broken too many times for insta-love not to be a red-flag. He’s had enough experience to be wary of catching strong feelings so quickly.
For him to commit, both of them would need to understand that this woman could never betray him. ”
Bates grunts. “Insightful as fuck, aren’t you?”
My cheeks blaze with heat, and I steal a quick peek at my father and sister.
I can’t stop now.
“The woman won’t be nearly as worried about entering the relationship.
Bates is reliable. Utterly dependable. His heart is kind, and everyone around him feels cared for, just as they need to be.
His girl will know in her gut from the beginning that she can trust him, and even if she learns things about him before he’s ready to speak on them, she’ll understand and see them for what they are.
She’ll share his pain so it hurts half as much, and together, they’ll create the family that both of them have always wished they could have held on to when it was taken from them. ”
I take his hand, give it a squeeze, and face my father. “Me and Bates met at the hotel the night before we flew up here. We didn’t know we were heading to the same place, or that we called the same people family, but we want all the same things, and we want them with each other.”
Dad’s expression is completely blank.
He might be having a stroke — the blockage kind, where the oxygen and thoughts just aren’t getting through.
I glance at Martha. She’s staring at us, jaw slack, face flushed, and eyes bugging out in a crazy way that makes me think that maybe she’s having the other kind of stroke — the bleeding into your skull and crushing your brain with pressure kind.
“You guys okay?” I squeak. “I know I just dropped some fairly heavy knowledge on you both. I was expecting maybe a few swear words? Some balls-out rage? Casual acceptance? Applause? A congratulatory hug for the ‘acquired taste’ who was voted most unlikely to find love? Those are… a few of the options.”
Bates squeezes my hand and puts his other one on top. His rough fingers caress my knuckles in the most gentle, soothing way. “It’s coming, Lana. Give them a minute.”
Martha snorts as if we might be joking, then shakes her head.
She gives me a sideways, appraising look that then darts back and forth between me and Bates like we’re two jugs of water she’s trying to gauge as an equal measure.
After another lengthy sip of beer, my sister leans back in her camping chair. She gives a soft huh, and then finishes her bottle and stands.
“Good one. I like it. I’m going to bed, but I’ll hug you in the morning when things aren’t so… tense. Good luck with that,” she says, nodding at Dad before folding up her chair and leaving the fire pit area completely.
I give Bates a hopeful smile and settle in to wait for Dad to snap out of his funk.